[miss 226]

Ok, 16, and just got out of my first SERIOUS relationship.

We started very wired. It was almost like one of those e-mail buddy type thing. I always talked on the phone with him. That went on for like a year, and during that time, I grew to him. We talked on the Phone literally EVERY-SINGEL-NIGHT. And out of no where, we just stopped talking. Never called for about 6-8 months.

Then one day He called me and started talking as if nothing was wrong. Before I go any further I always thought I was a dumb one who fell for a guy, before I even seen him. I thought it was weird and even dangerous at one point. But He seems so trust worthy, and seemed like your average teenage boy. I told him how It did hurt me when he stopped calling, and I was going crazy thinking the worst had happen to him.

Finally The day came when I first saw him in person... We went to the movies. Ive seen pictures of him before but when I saw him in person. It wasn't what I expected. Not that looks matter to me anyway, and Im not saying he was ugly either LOL, It just... wasnt what I expected.

After that day, He text me saying... do you believe in love at first sight? And I thought hard about it before writing back. Because in a way... yea and no. How could I have fallen in love with someone without seeing him? But that night I saw him felt... Amazing.

Anyway I'm making a long story, so lets fast forward a little, we started dating. Things we cool in the begging, I thought I was madly in love and to this day I still think I was. I made the dumb mistake On getting intiment with him. I didn't mind who I lost it to, just on the timing, I wasn't ready for it, when I thought I was.

Few months after that, things started getting rocky, always arguing. Fighting breaking up on and off. But we sore up and down we loved each other. Then one day... Reality hit me hard. I text him what are you doing... and what he texted back kicked me right in the stomach. We were having problems earlyer that day, and when he wrote back "hanging out with my girlfriend" I new something was up. He had written that to me a couple times, but I guess he was just joking. This time... he wasn't. Sure enough, I saw him calling picked up, and a girl started talking.

That day hurt me so much. I was depressed for awhile. Started dating other people trying to hide the pain. And now, we still talk. As "friends" so he says. I don't see him as friend, I see him as my first love who broke my heart.

So even though I wrote a huge story, here's my question... how do I deal with this relationship the best way possible? I still love him... But not in love with him. Sometimes he says he still loves me, and that he's so sorry about what happen between us, and he never meant to hurt me that badly. I can't trust him at all. And worst of all, he looks at me like a friend /messing buddy. Like when I see him he wants to makeout and tries to make like little sex jokes.?

Can he honestly think I like it? Doesn't he know how much he's hurt me? And I don't know how to speak up to him, he's been through hell and back. He always is in out of the hospital, even came close to death a couple times. (kidney problems)

Idk what to do? Anything... anyone?

=/
Miss 226

[starfirefly]

It sounds to me like you are his little piece on the side, you are someone he knows he can screw over time and time again cuase he knows you'll always forgive him... stop putting yourself through it get rid of him and someone who deserves you will come along