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puppydoggie · Jul 27, 2009, 09:22 AM

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we are still very much in love, I am ready to get engaged and I think he is too- we are saving up for a ring togeather but he doent seem to be putting much into it, he's defently not a eager as me. I told him if he's not ready that's fine,but tell me and don't mis-lead me but he inseast that he wants to. Anyway I am giving up the job of a lifetime in paris to go back to england to be with him but am unsure at how he really feels with the engagement. I try not to put any pressure on him but I am excited and want to guide him to get me the right ring- not really sure what I should do? If I leave this job there is no going back, I'm only going back to england to get a ring on my finger (and a man) but how can I be positive he's going to propose?

liz28 · Jul 27, 2009, 09:33 AM

You said your leaving your job to get engaged but the truth of the matter is your aren't engaged. The two of you talked discussed it but it doesn't anything is going happen.

In a way, I think your pressing the issue because of being engaged. I wouldn't want to be engaged to someone if I feel like I am forcing them.

If you decide to move back to England then your taking a chance but there are no guarantees.

Justwantfair · Jul 27, 2009, 09:40 AM

Originally Posted by liz28

You said your leaving your job to get engaged but the truth of the matter is your aren't engaged. The two of you talked discussed it but it doesn't anything is going happen.

In a way, I think your pressing the issue because of being engaged. I wouldn't want to be engaged to someone if I feel like I am forcing them.

If you decide to move back to England then your taking a chance but there are no gurantees.

Read this line over and over to yourself. This is what you are doing, upping the pressure for an engagement. Compensating to a fund for the 'right' ring. The more you push walking forward, the more he will walk backwards to make room for you and eventually he will step aside and let you pass as you keep pushing into his direction.

I wish · Jul 27, 2009, 09:48 AM

By deciding not to take the job, you're putting a lot of pressure on him to get married with you. Is that really want you want? Squeeze him to a corner?

You're not giving up the job to get a ring on your finger. You're giving up the job in Paris to give the relationship a chance because you think that there is a future.

There are no guarantees in relationships. Who knows what will happen in the future. But by moving to England, you are giving the relationship a better chance to succeed, as opposed to long distance.

winding200 · Jul 27, 2009, 11:08 AM

Let's do not caught up by the idea of getting married, but focus on the goal of the marriage.

Your boyfriend is not crazy about proposing now, and has a lot of thoughts & pressure in his mind. It is a very good sign because he is taking it seriously. It is frustrating for you, because you are not getting the big green light as you wanted. The love is solid between you and your boyfriend, and you do not have to ruin it by pressuring him.

The smart thing to do now is, give him more time, and wait until he propose you with FULL HEART. I understand about your job situation, but have plan A & B as a smart career woman. If he knows you have plan B, he will be less pressured, and make a decision based on his heart not by the situation. Be careful not to give him further pressure. He clearly knows your job situation. With little more patience, you will get better result.

When my husband proposed me, I was not in a situation to get married. I was in Europe M-F every week while we were living in east coast, and I wanted to get married in Puerto Rico, our favorite vacation place & perfect place for topical wedding. He ended up being a wedding coordinator due to my crazy work & the complicated international marriage law, but happily managed the whole wedding & honeymoon. What I am trying to say is when a man has a heart, he will do anything for you beyond your expectation. What you have to do is make him crazy about to propose you. You cannot make him crazy by pressuring him...

s_cianci · Jul 27, 2009, 11:15 AM

You may have to give him an ultimatum, something to the effect of "I have a chance to take this great job in Paris. But I also care for you very much and want us to have a future together. So I'll stay if you're ready to become engaged to me and set a date. Otherwise, I'm going to take the job in Paris." Give him a time limit, based on the time limit that's been imposed on you by your prospective Paris employer and make sure you have the ring and the date set before you tell that prospective employer 'no, thank you'."