[Zoweee]

Hello, Im 50 years old, remarried three years ago to a wonderful man who has no children after being a single mom of three daughters for 17 years. Yes we had some challenges, but my daughters ages 28, 26 & 24 have all grown up to be beautiful young women with great careers...

They are all living on their own now all in the same town and we keep in touch fairly regularly. The purpose of my question is dealing with my 26 year old.. who can be so miserable & disrespectful toward me. She has no patience with me whatsoever.. I have some very dear dear friends, co-workers... and there are times that I tell a story and forget who Ive told it to.. but most people will say to me... " ya you mentioned that". She.. gets so ticked, and huffy and has carried this on for ages now.. where it has made it very difficult to even know what to say to her.. for fear of saying the wrong thing, too much, or not enough.

I was sick this past summer and she was very kind & considerate.. but not my health has returned.. its back to the same ole, same ole. She's not someone you can talk to for fear of saying the wrong thing as she is very argumentative and sometimes looking for a fight.. whether it be with her boyfriend, myself or her sisters. Her friends... she's always good natured.

I am, and have always been a non=confrontational parent. You could ask any of my children.. "how did your mom discipline you". Any one of them would respond "her look .. we would get the look and we know mom wasnt pleased".

I am non argumentative, when I realize I'm involved in a confrontation.. I back down totally as her responses can be so very very mean and hurtful.

This is a child who is smart, beautiful, can be very social and very funny indeed. On occasion when we've been out.. and she's had a couple of drinks.. she is great.. opens up about a lot of things.. and I feel very close to her again. But her sharp tonge and attitude can be striking.. and the hurt I feel is overwhelming.

Im at a loss as to how to deal with her.. we are a very close family.. and stepping away, Im not sure is the answer... because it would be impossible to justify why I did.

Your thoughts please

[N0help4u]

My daughter was like that.
I gave up talking to her other than saying I love you.
She does that basically to get you to back down.

Its not you its her
It may take time to get her to realize what she is doing
But trying to get her to talk about it is only going to put her more on the defensive.

[jjwoodhull]

If she is tired of hearing your stories, then stop sharing with her. If she asks you why you have stopped, be honest and tell her that she seemed to be uninterested.

It takes two to argue, so don't take the bait.

Take your relationship and don't try to make it more than it is. Be happy that you have a great relationship with the other two and a decent one with her.

Hopefully, having less of you in her life will make her realize what a great mom she has.

[N0help4u]

Then too when she says "You never told me....." You can remind her that she never seems to want to hear your stories.

[Jake2008]

It is very difficult with anybody who weilds that kind of hammer over you.

You're damned if you do say anything, and you're damned if you don't!

To be at the mercy of this kind of behaviour from one of your own, may not be anything you will ever understand or figure out. She is who she is.

What you can do is set some limits. When she says hurtful things or snaps at you, don't respond. Try changing the subject to something simple like, "how was your week". By responding to her, you are setting yourself up to be verbally abused.

Be stronger when she is at her worst, and be loving when she is at her best.

Don't be afraid when she starts going off, to say, "I'm sorry dear, but I'm going to cut this visit short today, I've got a miserable headache'. Keep it simple.

At this stage of the game, you should not allow yourself to be subjected to the angry barbs from anyone, particularly your daughter.

[Charity471]

Hi
I do know exactly what you are going through and you have my complete commiserations, but hopefully maybe one day she will just suddenly stop and think 'what am I doing' All you can do is keep going along with her grit your teeth maybe! I have a 28 year old daughter who 18 months ago suddenly decided she did not want me in her life anymore. We used to be close did things together she has had her problems in the past and who was it that was there to help, me never her dad. I am not allowed any contact with her whatsoever she sees her dad her lives in scotland but has regular contact. Iwould just like to know why, like you we all ask these questions why to ourselves and we never find out the answer. All we can do is go along with them they are our flesh and blood whatever they do and hope that one day they will realise. It was mydaughters birthday last week I did send her a card, but to no avail. So many people have told me daugthers can cause so much heartache maybe its something to do with their hormones. You will get through it you have to be strong and you are Take care

[jetgemini]

My 30 year old daughter called me in tears yesterday to accuse me of being an alcoholic and encouraging me to get help. Kind of ludicrous since I spent a lot of my career working with women in recovery. When I do drink it is at home, or with friends. I have never driven drunk or even after one drink. I don't see any point in arguing with her about it. She will always see herself as the good person. She is very judgmental. It breaks my heart that she will keep my granddaughter away from me and I am just devastated. I guess I thought once I raised my children and they were happily married I could relax and enjoy myself. Instead I spent last night crying my heart out and I am miserable today. I am supposed to be going on a cruise in November and this has spoiled that for me. So much for the golden years.

[punkybauer]

Man I have what seems to be Adult children from hell and my thoughts are to move away and be done with them if I plan on ever having a decent life. I appreciate hearing your stories because it reaffirms the idea that I am not alone in this problem and that I am not at fault. Thank you for sharing. If I were to totally share it would take volumes, but I will say that one of my children is a male alcoholic and he is okay when he is sober but when he drinks he is a terrible person not to mention I hate ALCOHOL. My daughter has episodes where she seems like she is on drugs, but I have come to realize it is not drugs it is her! Maybe menopause however she has always been pretty odd with episodes of something? Regardless, right now I think the best answer is no answer when it comes to my speaking with her.Thanks for being here and sharing. I appreciate the words I read from everyone!