[pslayne2233]

My ex fiancée and I were together for 3 years lived and engaged for the final year. No signs whatsoever she wanted to break up, actually said the night of our breakup she wanted to start having children soon. We went out to dinner where she caused a scene when I asked her to go to a party over the summer with me.( coincidentally the same party a few of my ex's were at last year but I always reinforced that I loved my fiancée, but still made the fiancée insecure). Back to the dinner, she caused a scene where she started yelling at me, I asked her to stop, she wouldn't. So I got up to go to the BR to de escalate the situation. When I return she is still yelling, the waiter looks at me to intervene, but I told my ex that I had no choice but to leave. I walked home and went to bed. 20 minutes later she comes in the house and kicks the door saying that was the lowest thing I couldve done. She had a cell phone she could have called if she was so worried. She was humliating me and I didn't want to disservice the relationship by arguing. She in a rage said she was going to call her mother and call the wedding off which was in Oct. I figured she might have had too much to drink and was using empty threats. Well she did call her mother , broke it off, and said she didn't want to do it but it was too late, her mother wanted nothing to do with our relationship. Now she wants the relationship over but she still loves and is in love with me, but doesn't want to work it out.. Haven't talked in a month, she hasn't contacted me or my family to apologize for breaking off marriage. I want her back, what do I do now?? Just a side note my ex is ivy league educated and an MD..

[ZoeMarie]

Why do you want her back? She sounds unstable? Please don't say it has anything to do with the fact that she is ivy league educated and MD.

And why was she even causing a scene at the restaurant? What was that even about?

[kctiger]

All the education in the world doesn't excuse stupidity and sub for class when in a public place. Clearly her "IVY" league education didn't help her deal with anger issues nor her insecurity.

If it were me, no way in the world I would want to marry and spend the rest of my life with someone who behaves like that. Imagine what she would do if you did something really bad like leave the toilet seat up or forget your 345th day wedding anniversary.

[liz28]

I think you dodged a big bullet because marriage is easy to get into but hard to get out of.

Marriage doesn't make the problems go away and I believe your ex have always been selfish. Her selfish ways didn't happen overnight.

I must ask you "what type of work do you do?" I only asked because you brought up hers--which wasn't necessary. Her job status doesn't make her better than you nor does it means you must sit around and take her crap.

Her mother was right for not getting involved and if you and your family is waiting for her to apology--your going be waiting for a long time.

In the future remember a relationship takes two in order for it to work, not one. This relationship was lacking a lot but mostly communication among anything.

[pslayne2233]

Great answers seems to be the common responses and thoughts when I have expressed this to family and friends. I also work in the medical field which is how we met. As I said she went ballistic in a restaurant because I asked her to go to a party with me. I am just beside myself as to why she can't even drop a line in an email to say hello and ask how Im doing.. We actually did communicate very well other than some arguments we would get into where she would go into a red zone where there was no talking common sense to her, and if I walked into another room to stop the fight, she would say I wasn't listening to her. There was even a time where she punched me in the face. I sugggested we go to counciling, she was opposed to that. She is a loving person outside of some argument issues. Might I add she is from Puerto Rico so maybe some cultural differences may have come into play. I did have a sordid past, which really seemed to bother her although I never cheated or lied to her. What does the consensus here feel that she will be back to sort things out after a period of no contact?

[winding200]

I feel for you.
Just for information, I have dated an IVY league MD years ago, and mine was disaster. He was extremely controlling, and obsessive / compulsive. I could not deal with it, and ended it.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...-117528-3.html

After that, I dated a well known wall street lawyer from another IVY league school, and he cheated on me multiple times. There was no moral here, and my heart was totally broken. I guess I respected him much. Unbelievable! (This experience struck me, and that's why I found this site indeed)

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ue-353415.html

In my experience, I always have had peaceful relationship, but only 2 people from the IVY league hurt me while I was dating. In my opinion, some smart people think they deserve the best from anyone, anytime, anyhow, and the whole world should work for them to satisfy their desire. These arrogant people act very decent in the beginning (they obviously know how to act and talk), but in fact they have less consideration or patience for others, and very selfish in relationship. Not all smart people are better people in my opinion.

Regarding to marriage, I have been with the down-to-earth type (MBA, but Non IVY league) global businessman for 3 years, married for a year now, and I am very happy and feel lucky. He always proves me I am with someone who cares about me, loves me and respect me as who I am. Happiness is not related to the school class. Marriage is a life time commitment, and I do not want to be with someone who controls me or treats me like a second class citizen. I rather be cherished.

I think you should gain full respect from your ex fiancé before consider marriage. How can you marry someone who does not even respect you? Personality is the most important factor you have to consider when you choose your lifetime partner. Good looking, intelligence, job titles are secondary. I hope she regrets her action, and comes back to you with full respect & love. Good luck!

[pslayne2233]

To answer some who wondered why I put her education and employment was to get the point across as to how my ex fiancée knows how to sacrifice to a great degree and accomplish goals. Im wondering if Im just hoping for something that will not be there because of her will to accomplish goals i.e. in this case , end it forever. But what gets me most is that she wouldn't tell me she's no longer in love with me, she does not want to date other men, but doesn't want to work it out. She says she can't be friends with me because she would want to hug and kiss and that will make it more differcult to stay away because she's in love with me. Im hoping the absence makes the heart grow fonder but its taking its time that's for sure

[pslayne2233]

Thank you Winding 200!

[jmjoseph]

My ex fiancee and I were together for 3 years lived and engaged for the final year. No signs whatsoever she wanted to break up, actually said the night of our breakup she wanted to start having children soon. We went out to dinner where she caused a scene when I asked her to go to a party over the summer with me.( coincidentally the same party a few of my ex's were at last year but I always reinforced that I loved my fiancee, but still made the fiancee insecure). Back to the dinner, she caused a scene where she started yelling at me, I asked her to stop, she wouldnt. So I got up to go to the BR to de escalate the situation. When I return she is still yelling, the waiter looks at me to intervene, but I told my ex that I had no choice but to leave. I walked home and went to bed. 20 mins later she comes in the house and kicks the door saying that was the lowest thing I couldve done. She had a cell phone she could of called if she was so worried. she was humliating me and I didnt want to disservice the relationship by arguing. She in a rage said she was gonna call her mother and call the wedding off which was in Oct. I figured she might have had too much to drink and was using empty threats. well she did call her mother , broke it off, and said she didnt want to do it but it was too late, her mother wanted nothing to do with our relationship. Now she wants the relationship over but she still loves and is in love with me, but doesnt want to work it out.. Havent talked in a month, she hasnt contacted me or my family to apologize for breaking off marriage. I want her back, what do I do now??? Just a side note my ex is ivy league educated and an MD..

Maybe POISON IVY league, with MD meaning mentally disturbed. It sounds like you got paroled BEFORE sentencing. This is like putting sour milk back into the refrigerator saying"mmm... maybe it'll be better next month" I know it hurts, but you should count your blessings and say a prayer for the next guy. Don't be in a relationship where you have to apologize for the actions of your mate. Good luck...

[liz28]

Communication along with her selfishness made this relationship drown. You might not see it but your making excuses for her.

One thing I learnt about people is that YOU can't change who they are. It is obivious there were issues otherwise you wouldn't have recommending counseling. Again, be glad you didn't married her and the two of you have no kids together.

Now I know many of people from Puerto Rico and her behavior have nothing to do with her culture. It just who she is and there are many people like her from different races and backgrounds so don't blame it on her culture. You need to just place blame on her.

[crisluvsu731]

I would suggest that you try and move on. I'm sure she is still in love with you. Love doesn't start over night, won't end over night either. She may be educationally smart but it sounds like she made a dumb move. You seem like a nice guy and you don't deserve to be treated that way. Love hurts and there isn't anything that we can do about that.

Just be happy with the time you had with her and look at it as a learning experience.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

Good luck and best wishes ; ).

[pslayne2233]

Thanks for the advice crisluvsu731!. is it possible to the 180 degrees she has done? Almost like she hates me and Ive done nothing wrong.. Is it a game?? Last month when I talked to her she told me she was moving to Florida or back to Puerto Rico "as fast as I can".. She has the resources to move and still live very comfortably while she waits to find a job at either of those places.. Come to find out she resigned a years lease at where she currently lives and another year contract where she works?? This is contrary to her moving as fast as she can.. I should not call her if she broke off the wedding right?I want her back but not through manipulation.. Could she just be waiting for me to contact her? Sorry for the redundancy..

[crisluvsu731]

Well, it's up to you to see if she changes her mind, but you could be waiting quite sometime, who knows how long.

You should just try and move on. If it's meant to be she will come around, if not, then you will be prepaired for it already. I have been in a similar situation and he never came around, and I set myself up, I waited and nothing ever came of it.

Just ask yourself one question though, is she worth it? I know you love her, but do you want to be with someone who over reacts to little things like that? It could get worse if you do get back together.

How old are you?

Sorry that I can't offer more advice, but Hope all goes well in your favor.

[talaniman]

What do I do now??

Drop to your knees, and pray you found the light, and celebrate the freedom from this educated nut, and get a real life with some one a lot more settled and emotionally stable.

[pslayne2233]

Im 35 never even considered marriage until I met her. I was quite happy in my single life. Do you think she resigned a lease to see if things were going to work out with us? Another incident Im prob reading into is that on 4th of July I get a private phone call at 1230 in the morning. The caller listened for a few seconds and said she dialed the wrong number. I responded by telling her she never asked for anyone, how'd she know. She had a spanish accent. I asked her if the number she was dialing was mine.. again all she said was she had the wrong number... Never apologetic for calling that late and was somewhat rude.. This was a phone number I recently changed because my ex didn't like former gf's trying to contact me.. Coincidence or plain random? Im trying the no contact rule but I'm hoping it doesn't backfire on me. Thanks everyone!

[Torrid13]

It sounds like you're dating a toddler with an Ivy League education instead of a full-grown woman! Are you spoon-feeding her, too?

In any case, you should realize that if she's throwing temper tantrums NOW, just think of the possible tantrums she would throw whilst married to you. In front of children. YOUR children.

And, she's a quitter! She broke off your marriage after ONE argument! And we all know that quitters never win!

You can say she's got her MD all day, but in reality, you're not married to an MD. You're married to a very immature and irresponsible child.

[liz28]

Once your emotions settle your going see her for what she really was and be glad the relationship is over.

I hope your not keeping tabs on her nor is still in contact with her. You might think you can't survive this but you can and you will but you have to realize that.

Focus on your life instead of hers because your only hurting yourself and prolonging your healing. The emotional wound might be fresh but give it some time heal to heal because it won't happen overnight.

[pslayne2233]

She is a quitter and that's one of the qualities I thought I loved about her.. This wasn't the only fight we've had though.. We wouldn't fight often but as I said she goes into rages where there is no sense talking to her,so the fights were very big ones where one would tell the other to leave the house.. That kind of BS but we would always reconcile..

[kctiger]

You thought you loved the fact she was a quitter?

[pslayne2233]

HAHA! That is a riot.. No one of the qualities was that she wasn't a quitter.. Nice pickup..