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icequeen88 · Jul 20, 2009, 07:53 AM

Threads merged

OK, my boyfriend calls me everyday like three times a day and our relationship is okay. And about over a week ago we made plans to go to a picnic his job had planned (he invited me). Then as soon as that day came, I text and called him to see if he still wanted me to go, but I got NO call or text. As hours past I got upset and sent a text saying, "This makes no sense. you could have called to tell me something. I don't wanna hear any lame excuses or lies." Usually when we argue or if I get upset by something he causes, we both always settle the problem that same day... but we didn't. He didn't even call or text me back NONE! I woke up at 1am and checked my phone, no call. So I got worried and called him private just to see if he was okay and he answered the private call! I just hung up in his face and went to sleep. That is not like him to not call me before we both go to sleep. He always does.
Could he have been with someone else and was too guilty to talk to me?

De4rest · Jul 20, 2009, 08:10 AM

I'm thinking more like he wants a break-up. Just leave him alone, if he calls back and you think you need explanation then talk and tell him how you feel. Other than that, I think you should just move on.

88sunflower · Jul 20, 2009, 08:13 AM

Maybe he wasn't responding about his invite to the company picnic because there was someone there he was interested in hanging out with. Maybe he thought the private call was this person.

redhed35 · Jul 20, 2009, 08:17 AM

We could if and but about this situation all day,
The only thing to do is ask him,if in the past issues were talked about and settled the same day,this should follow suit..

If he has always avoided these talks it may be harder to get a straight answer.

sweet1028 · Jul 20, 2009, 08:19 AM

Or you might be looking to far into things. He might have talked to some of his buddies at work and they weren't bringing their girlfriends/wives and he didn't want to hurt you by letting you know so late since you already made plans the week before. He probably just felt bad for not letting you know sooner and just didn't want to have that confrontation. He will probably call you tomorrow with an explanation and an apology. Just wait it out. Good Luck!

icequeen88 · Jul 20, 2009, 08:34 AM

Originally Posted by sweet1028

Or you might be looking to far into things. He might have talked to some of his buddies at work and they weren't bringing their girlfriends/wives and he didn't want to hurt you by letting you know so late since you already made plans the week before. He probably just felt bad for not letting you know sooner and just didn't want to have that confrontation. He will probably call you tomorrow with an explanation and an apology. Just wait it out. Good Luck!

You all made some good/interesting assumptions but yours seems a little more understanding. I will wait it out but I'm not going to call him and I'm not going to worry about it either. I'm a strong woman, I can be on my own if he wants to leave. If he decides to call, we will talk it out, but if his explanation is weak, I may develop insecurities or just leave because he may think its okay to do it again.

icequeen88 · Oct 9, 2009, 10:25 AM

Me and this guy have been together for six months. Things are OK but he gets upset over small things and is too emotional.
But anyway, for instance if we're jokingly chatting on the phone and I mistakenly say "you act stupid sometimes...in a good way" then he'll hang up the phone and won't talk to me until I just call him a day or two later and start us off to working out the problem.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the man in the relationship because any little mistake I make, he gets upset like things are suppose to be PERFECT.
Like last Thursday we were suppose to go to a beach and we didn't go because he claims he didn't have gas money but I only see him on the weekends. Then when I exlained how I felt we almost broke you over that. No man a just tell the woman they love to just go over a little argument unless they really don't love them. So I volunteered for us to talk it out.
Then that following Sunday night we planned to go to the movies and he texted me saying "Hey, listen my mom locked the keys in the car this morning and I have to wait for the locksmith monday" I just looked at the text and closed my phone. Locksmith is open 24/7!
He didn't call me that entire day and I didn't call him either. I was too upset and felt like he was taking advantage of my feelings for him because that Thursday when we had an argument I was mainly apologizing. So after seeing the text, I was trying to avoid fussing and didn't respond because I didn't want to run him away with a back-to-back argument OR text "ok" to make him feel like he could come up with a loud lie like that and just treat me any kind of way because. That made me feel like he see me as desperate for him.
The next day (monday) he called me at two in the afternoon, I mistakenly missed the call and called back 30 minutes later and he didn't call me back. It's now Friday and I got a feeling this will go on forever.
I don't know what's wrong with him. I guess in the pass when we had arguments and I MOST OF THE TIME would always be the one to come back first, he's so used to it. But Im just leaving the situation alone because we argument every week because of him. I'm a very good female I guess he's going to realize that when its too late.

I wish · Oct 9, 2009, 10:32 AM

How old are you?

It sounds like he's not the type of guy for you and it sounds like you're forcing this relationship. He is who is is. Can you accept him the awy he is? You can't expect to go into a relationship expecting to change the other person.

icequeen88 · Oct 9, 2009, 10:39 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

Is it the same boyfriend? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ng-377679.html

How old are you?

It sounds like he's not the type of guy for you and it sounds like you're forcing this relationship. He is who is is. Can you accept him the awy he is? You can't expect to go into a relationship expecting to change the other person.

It is the same guy and I just turned 21. It's like sometimes he can be an angel and other times I just don't understand him and think he's bipolar or retarded. But as far as forcing the relationship, I think that I should have left him along time ago.

I wish · Oct 9, 2009, 10:45 AM

Originally Posted by icequeen88

But as far as forcing the relationship, I think that I should have left him along time ago.

It's not too late to leave him now. Relationships are suppose to be happy and more natural. You don't sound happy and the relationship seems forced. You deserve better than this. Don't torture yourself anymore.

If you're not completely ready to break up, you definitely need some distance away from him so that you can gain some perspective.

icequeen88 · Oct 9, 2009, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

It's not too late to leave him now. Relationships are suppose to be happy and more natural. You don't sound happy and the relationship seems forced. You deserve better than this. Don't torture yourself anymore.

If you're not completely ready to break up, you definitely need some distance away from him so that you can gain some perspective.

Yeah. I completely understand you. Since he couldn't man up and call, then what do I need him for? I need a man, not someone who will make me happy one time, then crash my happiness with stuidity another time. He is not getting a phone call for me and in my mind it's already over. I know he's feeling it now because this is the longest we haven't spoke. He should now realize I've had enough and that I know he's a liar.

lonelygirl111 · Oct 9, 2009, 01:42 PM

I think you need to ask him why he is ignoring you.

talaniman · Oct 9, 2009, 08:34 PM

6 months may not be long, but its long enough to see if its worth more time, or not. Doesn't seem to be going that great so far.

icequeen88 · Oct 26, 2009, 10:07 AM

My boyfriend has been working at his job for 3 years and made a good salary. Earlier this month I was offered to go to a party at a martibar that was held on last Thursday and I really wanted to go (the girl who invited me was a NEW firend and she kept pressuring me about going and I would have felt bad if I wouldn't have went plus I wanted to get out the house). I asked him to take me if he was off on that day and then he told me he had to work so I was like okay no problem, but he insisted that he would take me to the bar during his hour lunch break because he wanted me to have fun. I asked him did he know the directions well because he lived way on the other side of town and one time we went that way before and had a difficult time getting there. Then he was like "Yea sure I know. I remember, but i'm going to take I-95 because it will get me there faster."
I believed him. His break was at 7pm and before he came to get me he went to get coffee, the place didn't have it, then he went somewhere else so he ended up coming by my way at 7:30.
I kind of felt bad when he pulled up, but he acted so confident and even though we both knew he would be late, he acted typical as if it wouldn't be that bad.
So when he came we went to go pick up a friend who was coming with me and as soon as he got her, he got lost. He had a difficult time getting on I-95 and when he finally found it, he still didn't know where he was going. I was feeling so bad. Then me and my friend were trying to guide him on how to get there and when we got there it was 8:30.
I thanked him kissed him and gave him my phone because his phone was off.
Anyway, the party ended up being very WHACK and I felt bad because it wasn't worth coming to or getting my boyfriend in trouble for. :mad: I found out that he girl who threw it was nothing but talk!
Anyway to make a long story short, he lost his job that night :eek: and I cried. He won't talk about what exactly happen when he got to work and what went on. All he told me was to not worry about it and that the reason why they were so harsh was because he had gotten new managers. I felt bad and stressed. He also just now told me how much he was getting paid when he worked there and it made me feel even worst!
I don't know what to do. I told him I would offer him gas money and help him get another one and also make his resume, but he keeps on telling me "Its not your problem and to not stress and don't worry about it." But then again as I talk to him he sounds so depressed and lately he keeps me up on the phone late saying he can't sleep so I just talk inspirational to him and tell him to stay strong and get another job. I told him he's already enrolled in college and that he will be making more money than that anyway. He agrees but he's depressed.
But I feel bad! What do you think? What do I do? What should I tell him to do? I try to think opstimistic about the situation, but the sadness keeps on coming back. Plus I don't even want to be friends with the gril who threw the party anymore, I could see if the party was good, but it was ridiculous. No one really was there. And for him losing his job over that, she disgusts me because she can't plan a party at all! And Im also upset with myself.

Can I get an option at least

J_9 · Oct 26, 2009, 11:48 AM

Originally Posted by icequeen88

can i get an option at least

Please be patient. This is not a chat site, it is a message board. We volunteer our time here. Many people are at work right now or tending to their daily lives. It can take as long as a couple hours to days to get responses.

Jayjay027 · Oct 26, 2009, 11:57 AM

There's nothing you can do. He keeps telling you it's not your fault, he's not taking it out on you, so just be there for him, show him that you support him and make sure he knows your sorry.

But at the same time, if he didn't know where he was going and though he was going to be late, he should have told you to make your own way - you're a grown up after all, and so is he.
This isn't all your fault, he knew the trouble he would get in, and was happy to put his job at risk to bring you to a party.

justcurious55 · Oct 26, 2009, 12:08 PM

It sounds like you're really making this into something much bigger than it is. I think its good that you are concerned for him. But you seem to be more concerned than he is. So what if the party was lame. You can't blame this other girl for your boyfriend losing his job. That is the ridiculous thing I'm seeing here. She didn't make him take you. She wasn't responsible for making sure he knew how to get you there. And it's not your fault either. He said he would take you. And he said he knew the way.

And really, let's say that everything had happened the same except for the party had been awesome and you'd had a great time. You wouldn't feel bad that your boyfriend had still lost his job?

icequeen88 · Oct 26, 2009, 01:04 PM

Originally Posted by justcurious55

it sounds like you're really making this into something much bigger than it is. i think its good that you are concerned for him. but you seem to be more concerned than he is. so what if the party was lame. you can't blame this other girl for your bf losing his job. that is the ridiculous thing i'm seeing here. she didn't make him take you. she wasn't responsible for making sure he knew how to get you there. and it's not your fault either. he said he would take you. and he said he knew the way.

and really, let's say that everything had happened the same except for the party had been awesome and you'd had a great time. you wouldn't feel bad that your bf had still lost his job?

Im not making this big at all. That was his job, he loved his job. And believe me, he is more concerned than I am. I try to look over it but that sadness comes back every now and then. But anyway, Of course I would have still felt bad for him. But in this situation I feel worst because the reason for him being late wasn't worth it at all and I think it's a lesson learned for me and him. But I still blame the party thrower because she kept pressuring me. I know I sound immature but that's how I feel ans she acted so fake but hey, I guess I have no choice but to just support him and look pass this.

justcurious55 · Oct 26, 2009, 01:29 PM

Yep. Being supportive is all you can do from here. It's good that you're not continuing the friendship with her. But it's still not her fault. You're old enough that you should know you don't have to give into peer pressure. You're an adult. So is she. You should be able to say "i'm sorry, i won't be able to make it." and move on. Whether the party was good or not isn't important.

icequeen88 · Oct 30, 2009, 09:58 AM

How about today he went by to get his last check and the store manager gave him his job back:) He called me this morning saying the manager who let him go was the new one and he did so without consulting the store manager.
When my boyfriend came by for his check, the store manager called him in along with the manager who fired him discussing this issue and said that things happen. He told the new manager that he should hae consulted him before he made that decision and that he didn't have to let him go for that reason because things happen that can cause people to be late (but I think my boyfriend excuse was a flat tire).
But anyway they said they were trying to contact him during this whole week but his phone was off.
I was so happy for him because he was very depressed and said that he sounded sick each time I spoke to him. But anyway, we both said that this was a lesson learned and to make smart decisions next time.
They told him that they valued him as a worker and said he was welcomed to get his job back. God is good!:D