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zoysite · Oct 17, 2006, 01:48 PM

Hi, maybe you can help me figure this out.
I'm a 21-year-old junior in college, and my fiancé of one month is a 28-year-old naval lieutenant. We were coworkers before he joined the Navy, and we've been together just short of a year.

My question is, how can I know whether I'm too young to get married?
Also, what are the reasons that people who marry young don't stay married?

There are so many statistics out there saying that marrying young is one of the worst things you can do for your marriage, because you don't have enough life experience. And while most of my friends and all of my family seem to agree with my fiancé and I that we won't become a divorce statistic, there are some friends of mine, in particular, who say, "Don't get married. Why? Because all marriages at your age die young." Others say, "Why bother, why not wait 5 more years, or 8 more years?"

I want to get married because I am very much in love with a wonderful, caring man who is a practical match for me, who shares all my views about children, finances, reaching for life goals, gender and family roles, etc. and who is just as committed as I am.

I wonder, what, specifically, happens to young couples to make them not work out? Is it that they haven't planned for the mundane issues of marriage like chores and finances? Or is it that they grow apart in personality? I wonder if WE should be afraid of those things. And does it help our case statistically that he is older than the age statistically shown to be old enough to marry successfully?

Please help me. I don't know whether I have a cause of concern here. :-)

Thank you!

Depressed in MO · Oct 17, 2006, 01:58 PM

This one is a toughie. Peoples' personalities can change at any age. I would say you are too young to get married because you are still "Growing Up". However, on the other hand, there have been couples who marry young who have made it for 50+ years and still going... you just never know.

Have you both talked together about everything and how to handle certain situations should they arise? The fact that you are asking this-COULD Be a sign that you yourself are unsure if you are ready to get married right now. Do you two live together? Have you experienced what it is like to wake up in the mornings together and rush off to work/school? You haven't been together for a very long time, you may want to wait a while (like a couple more years) and experience more together as a couple before you DO actually get married.
This is just my suggestion, so I hope you are not offended and that you will think about it.

dunno · Oct 19, 2006, 02:12 PM

My fiance' and I have been together for 3 years and have lived together for a large part of that 3 years. I personally think everyone should live together before getting married. Once you bring paying bills together into the relationship, it pushes some people apart. I know we have had our share of arguments about money. Money is one of the biggest reasons people split up. THat could be a reason so many young couples don't stay together. They often haven't had to worry about money as much and once they bring money into their relationships, they can't handle the stress.

shamit · Mar 4, 2010, 01:03 AM

Well what I think in this regard is that any girl or boy who wants to get married in early ages should stand in front of a mirror and watch out for the reflections. It will give you every single question and the answers as well you want. It asks you what you are ?where you stand in life? Are you secure enough? Are you practically raedy to face every trouble? Look, there is huge difference in a couple before marriage and after marriage.Another reason is your partner will not be able to give you that much of time after marriage as you ll not going to marry him but his building relationship with his whole family and you are not mature enough to carry this much of burden on your shoulders. Right now you are only thinking of springs season with a voilen and kiss of rose pestles. But there are so many practical problems which a couple face. Also the age gap between you two is very large. A person can't be as same as he or she was before marrying nyone. And at the early ages this "I in dont care attitude" kills.

LearningAsIGo · Mar 4, 2010, 10:44 AM

My first piece of advice would be to ignore statistics.

I personally believe that age issues in marriage are the result of immaturity and inexperience. Some are simply not willing or able to cope with the demands of marriage (emotional, physical, mental, financial, families, children, death & taxes -etc.) Some confuse lust with love. The thing is, middle aged people can make those mistakes as well.

If you feel confident in your relationship and you're both willing to give 200%... not to mention respect that commitment as one that's FOR LIFE... you may be ready. Ultimately, the decision is yours and in a solid relationship, there shouldn't be any need to rush.

dazedandconfused2010 · Mar 14, 2010, 04:57 PM

I married young.. It has a lot to do with not growing up yet. I grew up, he hasn't . It was very different before we got married. And now, very hard. If I could do it over again, I would wait

Say_what · Jul 22, 2010, 08:19 AM

This is a question you need to go over with your close family... and with your fiancé if you two want to spend your life together (and it sounds like you do, you're just not sure about right now) than you have to share all of your fears and concerns with each other. I could tell you to go for it or to hold back, but I don't know you your loved ones do. As far as your friends even if your forty-five you most likely won't have everyone agree on whether you should marry. Talk it out, PRAY and I wish you all the best!