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jess09 · Oct 16, 2006, 07:07 PM

Hi,

I am 18 years-old girl who has a 30 years-old boyfriend who is far more older than me. Lately, my boyfriend has been like putting some pressure on me to have sex with him. Like the other day I went to sleep at his house and I told him I didn't really wanted to have sex with him but he tried getting in my pants, you know putting his hands down there and trying to get my pants off. I had to tell him to stop.

He's a lot older than me and far more experienced. I,myself, is a virgin. I just don't know whether I should have sex. I am just so scared of the pain and all. And do you think he will go slowly ?

Thomas1970 · Oct 16, 2006, 07:43 PM

Hi Jess,
When you choose to have sex should be entirely up to you, wait until you feel ready. Please don't let your boyfriend pressure you into doing something you're not ready or in the mood to do. I would have some concerns about the degree of his forwardness, how very assertive he was despite your verbal protests. Boyfriend or not, he has absolutely no right to put his hands down your pants, when you specifically requested that he wait for another time. He certainly doesn't seem to be entirely appreciative of your relative lack of experience in regard to him. Though, if he is indeed that eager, I would suspect he may have exaggerated a bit in that regard, as well as being relatively insensitive. Given what could be seen as a relative lack of foreplay or open communication on his part, I would have some concerns about his ability to help set the experience at a pace that is comfortable for you. This is certainly something you'd need to talk with him about, and pay close attention to whether he is really hearing you are not. I know it is something of a cliché, but there really is only one first time. It is an experience you are bound to remember either way, so do make it a good one, with someone who truly cares about you as a complete person. And remember, it's your body. It is absolutely okay for you to please yourself first and foremost, particularly in this initial case.
Good luck. Take care.

educatedhorse_2005 · Oct 16, 2006, 08:46 PM

You need to wait until you fill it is the right time.
If you Think it will hurt and stuff learn more about something before you do it.

If your boyfriend can't take no for an answer you need to get out of the relationship.
You should never do anything your not comfartable with if he can't understand this.
Get rid of him.

jess09 · Oct 18, 2006, 05:45 PM

Well I had sex with him tonight. It was just not pleasurable. It hurt and I was too tight. He had to force it in. I don't know what's wrong. He said it's normal for a virgin to be tight and to have pain and that it will get better.

I just don't know. I'm scared of having sex again.

Thomas1970 · Oct 18, 2006, 06:14 PM

Hi Jess,
Though being a guy I can't speak authoritatively from a woman's perspective, it is probably not entirely uncommon to experience a bit of mild discomfort your first time or two. Though there is quite a difference between pain and discomfort. Sex should never be forced or painful. You expressed a degree of emotional tension in your relationship, and this will undoubtedly translate into physical tension. It is important that you be both physically and mentally relaxed in order to avoid unwanted physiological responses, such as excessive tightness in musculature. As well, if I woman is not in the mood psychologically, adequately aroused, it can make it difficult for her body to produce adequate natural lubrication. This could cause things to be very uncomfortable. Sex isn't something that should be feared, but good honest communication should certainly be a prerequisite. Wait until you feel comfortable. Though there are always possible medical causes for your discomfort, I would give it some time. Don't rush things, wait until you feel comfortable. If your boyfriend truly cares, he'll wait.

letmetellu · Oct 18, 2006, 06:42 PM

You will always remember your "first time" some girls remember it with nothing but good memories. I am afraid that your memories will not be quite as nice. I am sorry you didn't wait until you knew that he was the one and that he was going to treat you the way you should have been treated. The worst part is you never get another chance for it to be your "First Time"