[handoferebus]

Ok so, I've read a few "taking a break" threads and things seem to come to the same consensus of "just give her her space." The thing is, each case is different obviously.

My case is: I'm 20, she's 18. We've been going out for 1 month (short time, I know, but it feels like a lifetime). I met her while she was still in a "stale" relationship (of 2 years might I mention)that she had given a few chances, but it just wasn't happening, and within a few days she ended it, and there began our relationship. The guy she was with was a long time friend before we started going out, but the way she ended it was sort of harsh, and he basically ended their friendship because of the situation. She's been racked with guilt the whole time, but sometimes more than others.

The thing is, however, that throughout all of the relationships I've been through, long and short, this has been the best BY FAR. The connection is so intense at all times, it's quite amazing. It's one of those "almost too good to be true?" type things. There's bickering, etc, but that's normal. I'm almost positive she feels the same way, but of course I have my doubts, especially when she wants to take a break.

A couple of days she told me that she wants to take a break. Not a definite break-up, but a break. She says it's because she didn't give herself enough time to think about whatever from the last relationship and be single. I agreed and said it's best that we don't talk until she's ready to talk to me about our relationship.

So here I sit, wanting pretty bad to get in contact with her, but I know that I shouldn't. I told her before we took the break that I don't want to throw this relationship away like this, and she told me she doesn't either, but it's important to her that she does this. Should I just continue doing what I'm doing and wait for her? Or should I look at this as a "it's over, continue on with life, but leave my door open."? Any input is appreciated, thanks!

-John

[s_cianci]

Take the "it's over, continue on with life but leave the door open" approach. This sounds like a rebound relationship. They're rarely healthy and seldom work out. Get on with your life and don't hold your breath waiting for her to come around any time soon.

[handoferebus]

I asked her a number of times (not so much asked, but said) that I hope that I wasn't just a rebound, and that the connection was a true connection. Every time she said it wasn't a rebound, and that the last relationship was practically over a few months ago. She did, however, say that I was what she needed to end their relationship. She said I wasn't an "excuse," but I was an excuse to end their stale relationship, if that makes any sense. Also, she said flat out that she had no feelings for her ex, and that wasn't the reason at all. As I learned more about their relationship, I believe her.

[Skell]

You are her rebound. No question about it.
You met her while she was in a relationship?
So she cheated on her ex with you?

In any case I don't think this will work.

After 1 months it isn't called a relationship. You also say that there is bickering. If you are bickering and you have only known each other this long then there is something wrong. You see too much of one another. It is too full on and I bet she feels smothered by you.

I also bet she goes back after her ex. If he plays his cardas right and continues not to contact her I bet she misses him and wants him back.

You think the connection with her is strong but deep down it isn't. It is lust.

You don't even know this girl. 1 month... You can't honestly think you really know this girl do you?

My advice would be to forget her. She needs time for herself after her last relationship to get over it and recover.

Too much baggage here and you are just a rebound.
Sorry, but it is quite clear!

[handoferebus]

She didn't cheat on him for me. I made it entirely clear that I had interest, but in no way would pursue anything with her in a relationship, because I felt guilty. So we were just hanging out as friends for a short while, and then she broke up with him. By bickering I mean we've got different interests in certain things, like music, etc etc. It's more light hearted joking than bickering.

Me being just a rebound has lingered in my head the entire time, and I do believe that that's probably all it is. However, I'm not ignorant towards her feeling, I don't think. I know she has strong feelings for me, but whether she persues it again, I just don't know. I know that she misses her Ex, but talking with her friends, with her, with her parents, I don't see her going back to him in a relationship. She gave him 6 months or so to try to keep things together, and he didn't give the effort. I know for a fact that she's going to try and reconcile the friendship, though.

I'm thinking that the next time I talk to her about us, I may just lay my thoughts on the table, and tell her that I feel that I was just a rebound, and that I don't feel she cared about the relationship potential as much as I did, and that if she's ready for a relationship, that I'd like to know; otherwise we'll end it and just be friends. What do you think?

[Skell]

If she misses him then there is always a chance that she will go back to him.

I don't think you need this gril right now. It isn't healthy. She needs time alone to sort out her feelings and you don't need to be dragged along with her and get hurt.

My advice would be to simply tell her that you don't think she is ready for a relationship and therefore you don't want to be with her.

But I don't think this is the truth is it? You want her. You are willing to put up with being a rebound. If this is the case then you have the accepot the consequences that comes with this decision. And I know for a fact that you won't like the consequences.

But honestly, after 1 MONTH you should not even be talking about all this relationship stuff. It should be casual and fun dating for a long while yet. See her occasionally. Not every day. Your smothering her.

If you pull back and date her occasionally (say 1 a week max) then that will give her time to sort some feelings out and you will also be able to get to know her better and gauge where you want this thing to go. Right now it is just way too much too soon.

After 1 months your going way too fast. Which is another red flag and another sure way to get burnt here.

[handoferebus]

Ok, it makes sense. I don't want to just drop her, you're right. I like this girl, and everyone I know and she knows see's us being a good couple. That means a lot to me, personally. I think I'll wait for her to get in contact with me again, however long it takes, and continue doing what I'm doing, focusing on school, etc. etc. Then when the time is right for us to get together and talk about things, I'll tell her what I think about the whole situation, rebound, too fast, etc, and suggest that we take things slower, get to know each other better, and basically "Start over." Does that sound reasonable?

It's hard to be in a relationship for as long as 8 months like I have, and some almost as long, yet have stronger feelings for someone that I've known for a little under 2 months all together. To me it seems like one of those situations where things immediately clicked and just worked. There is tons of chemistry between us, and it's hard to ignore, you know? Comparing to past relationships, I see that our relationship could be very strong. She's obviously not ready for that, but that's why we can take it slower, if it can make things work.

[Skell]

Ok, it makes sense. I don't want to just drop her, you're right. I like this girl, and everyone i know and she knows see's us being a good couple. That means a lot to me, personally. I think I'll wait for her to get in contact with me again, however long it takes, and continue doing what i'm doing, focusing on school, etc. etc. Then when the time is right for us to get together and talk about things, I'll tell her what I think about the whole situation, rebound, too fast, etc, and suggest that we take things slower, get to know each other better, and basically "Start over." Does that sound reasonable?

It's hard to be in a relationship for as long as 8 months like I have, and some almost as long, yet have stronger feelings for someone that I've known for a little under 2 months all together. To me it seems like one of those situations where things immediately clicked and just worked. There is tons of chemistry between us, and it's hard to ignore, you know? Comparing to past relationships, I see that our relationship could be very strong. She's obviously not ready for that, but that's why we can take it slower, if it can make things work.

Sounds like a good idea to me. Focus on school and other things.

If it is a good as you say it is then some time and space won't hurt either of you at this point in time.

SLOW is the king. You really need to go slow in the early parts.

Go back and read the hundreds of other threads where people are asking for space. 99% of the time it is because they either went way too fast early on or one person jumped into another relationship too soon after and ex.

You have both problems here.

So back off and do what you said you were going to do. Even when she calls I would be so available to her.

You need to have a life outside her which I bet right now you don't!

[handoferebus]

I'm typically not one to vary from what I'm focused on, which in my case was college. But once I met her I saw the potential and put everything aside for that. You've given me the revalation that I knew was coming and needed. :) I just needed to hear it first hand.

[Skell]

A career focused and hard working guy is more attractive than a clingy, needy smotherer.

Good to hear you realise what is worng here and want to fix it. You seem like apretty clued on guy so I'm sure you know the imprtance of sticking to your guns here and taking the steps you need to!

[handoferebus]

Anyone else have any input? Skell helped me out a ton, but I'd like to hear any other opinions, even if they're the same as Skell's.

[Gangster1]

Ok so, I've read a few "taking a break" threads and things seem to come to the same concensus of "just give her her space." The thing is, each case is different obviously.

My case is: I'm 20, she's 18. We've been going out for 1 month (short time, i know, but it feels like a lifetime). I met her while she was still in a "stale" relationship (of 2 years might I mention)that she had given a few chances, but it just wasn't happening, and within a few days she ended it, and there began our relationship. The guy she was with was a long time friend before we started going out, but the way she ended it was sort of harsh, and he basically ended their friendship because of the situation. She's been racked with guilt the whole time, but sometimes more than others.

The thing is, however, that throughout all of the relationships i've been through, long and short, this has been the best BY FAR. The connection is so intense at all times, it's quite amazing. It's one of those "almost too good to be true?" type things. There's bickering, etc, but that's normal. I'm almost positive she feels the same way, but of course i have my doubts, especially when she wants to take a break.

A couple of days she told me that she wants to take a break. Not a definite break-up, but a break. She says it's because she didn't give herself enough time to think about whatever from the last relationship and be single. I agreed and said it's best that we don't talk until she's ready to talk to me about our relationship.

So here I sit, wanting pretty bad to get in contact with her, but I know that I shouldn't. I told her before we took the break that I don't want to throw this relationship away like this, and she told me she doesn't either, but it's important to her that she does this. Should I just continue doing what I'm doing and wait for her? Or should I look at this as a "it's over, continue on with life, but leave my door open."? Any input is appreciated, thanks!

-John

Keep doing what you are doing, wait for her, but don't hold your life toward her! Go out have some fun! Think positive expectations about this situation, and if she doest call back or come back its over! <call her once in a while>

[timich]

Ok so, I've read a few "taking a break" threads and things seem to come to the same concensus of "just give her her space." The thing is, each case is different obviously.

My case is: I'm 20, she's 18. We've been going out for 1 month (short time, i know, but it feels like a lifetime). I met her while she was still in a "stale" relationship (of 2 years might I mention)that she had given a few chances, but it just wasn't happening, and within a few days she ended it, and there began our relationship. The guy she was with was a long time friend before we started going out, but the way she ended it was sort of harsh, and he basically ended their friendship because of the situation. She's been racked with guilt the whole time, but sometimes more than others.

The thing is, however, that throughout all of the relationships i've been through, long and short, this has been the best BY FAR. The connection is so intense at all times, it's quite amazing. It's one of those "almost too good to be true?" type things. There's bickering, etc, but that's normal. I'm almost positive she feels the same way, but of course i have my doubts, especially when she wants to take a break.

A couple of days she told me that she wants to take a break. Not a definite break-up, but a break. She says it's because she didn't give herself enough time to think about whatever from the last relationship and be single. I agreed and said it's best that we don't talk until she's ready to talk to me about our relationship.

So here I sit, wanting pretty bad to get in contact with her, but I know that I shouldn't. I told her before we took the break that I don't want to throw this relationship away like this, and she told me she doesn't either, but it's important to her that she does this. Should I just continue doing what I'm doing and wait for her? Or should I look at this as a "it's over, continue on with life, but leave my door open."? Any input is appreciated, thanks!

-John

When we just started going out with my girlfriend after 3 month she wanted to take a break too, like you said it was "almost too good to be true?" , she got scared. So I gave her some time, about a month actually, then she broke up with me. Everything was really nice but I knew that that wasn't the end. I was being friends with her and just being nice to her while going with some other girls. In two month after the break up she asked me to get back together and here we are still together for already a year an a half now!
Good luck... if it's meant to be, it's meant to be man...

[Skell]

You'll get more input. It's the time difference. I'm in the day here in oz and I think all the guys in the states get on abit later. There will be plenty of other advice come your way!

[talaniman]

After a month thing should be great! But as she wants a break then give it to her and get on with life without her. She needs a lot of time to get over a past relationship so as Skell has pointed out you have two problems not only is she still grieving for her ex, jumping right into a relationship with you is causing her a lot more grief. I wouldn't wait around for her to come back, a really bad idea in my opinion but get back to life without her and do your own thing. If you two are meant to be you'll find out later well after thee dust has cleared but don't get caught holding your breathe for this to happen, Move on and enjoy your life.

[handoferebus]

So... last night (Monday) she logged on AIM and sent me a message. It was completely unrelated to our situation, and I gave her a single word answer. I said two or three more lines to follow up my answer. Then she tried some small talk: "so i finally started watching that movie of the book that we both read." I didn't respond, and 15 minutes later she logged off. I'm wondering if I should send her a text message asking how the movie was, or something, just to make it look like I'm not blatantly ignoring her. I miss her ;/ Any input?

[Skell]

She asked for a break and you are giving it to her. It isn't ignoring her.
If I were you I wouldn't have answered her on AIM.
As I said she wants a break so why is she trying to talk to you.

Don't answer her, don't text her, don't call her, don't email her. Not for a week or two yet.

If she takes it as you ignoring her then too bad. She wants a break.

In a few weeks you can give her a call and just say hi and if she gets the sh1ts with you for 'ignoring' her then you simply say that you were respecting her wishes and giving her the break SHE ASKED for.

No contact. Read tdmce's thread about what happened when he stopped contact. She couldn't wait to write to him telling him how much she missed him and what a mistake she had made.

Don't contact her and give her time to miss you.
Answering her all the time won't do that!

[joni_boloney]

I still believe love conquers all.

[handoferebus]

Still haven't heard anything from her. Today was better for me though. I decided to go buy some new shoes, so that lifted my spirits a little ;)

[Skell]

It won't happen in 1 day. Weeks is what is needed. And it will be hard. No one can tell you otherwise. But you really need to work on YOU right now!
Tomorrow you should do something else to lift your spirits. Maybe workout, run. Find things to do!