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Torrid13 · Jul 5, 2009, 11:39 AM

Me and this guy I have known for over a year have been talking pretty regularly lately, and we enjoy it. He usually ends our conversations with, "Goodnight, ____, and sleep well. I will talk to you tomorrow. Hope to see you soon!" When we hang out with our mutual friends, he always sits by me, drives me around, stands/hovers around me, follows me, touches me, inviting me over, etc. He's made it pretty obvious he likes me, and I like him too. He also asked me last week to stop by his work because "Distractions are appreciated" because he works such long hours.

Well, last Thursday, me, him, and friends were hanging out again, and everything was going VERY WELL. Sparks between us were flying like crazy, and everyone notices it, and would ask me when we was away, "Hey, are ya'll dating?" I would say no, but hopefully soon. Later that night, one of my guy friends pulled him aside as me and the guy were walking next to each other to talk to him. I didn't know what was being said, so I kept walking. When they were finished, the guy was automatically back by my side, and everything was fine. I then found out later that my friend asked him if he likes me, and said that he replied quickly and immediately with "no" before he could finish the sentence. I'm trying to decide if he genuinely doesn't like me, or he didn't tell him because my guy friend is a blabber mouth.

Last night, I asked him if he wanted to see a movie while we were online, the first time we've talked since my friend asked him. He had originally gotten off, but came back on when I sent him a message to come back. He said he had other plans, but would try to make it, but he might be too tired. But conversation was...strained. We generally talk freely and A LOT, but it was very awkward. He was answering with one word answers, like he wasn't interested in talking. I felt like I did something, so I asked if I "creeped" him out by asking him to the movies, and he replied, "You definitely do not creep me out. Lol." But it was still really strained afterwards. A few minutes later he said, "Goodnight," and that was it, and stayed on messenger 30 minutes longer.

What's going on? Does he not like me? I'm really confused...

talaniman · Jul 5, 2009, 12:37 PM

Don't be confused, just back up a bit, and do something that doesn't involve him for a while. Your just to close to be objective, and he is not an aggressive guy, with the ladies apparently. If your absence doesn't make him seek you out, then you will have your answer.

sully123 · Jul 5, 2009, 01:17 PM

It sounds like he has cold feet. Let it go right now, and now see what happens. Sounds like he likes you, but a little scared. Do your own thing, and then let him take it from there. Maybe he is just one of the shy guys. You never know friendship can turn into something, so just be his friend right now, and see where it goes.

artlady · Jul 5, 2009, 01:22 PM

If you are such good friends,there should be no problem asking him what is up.If it is not going to go anywhere,you deserve to know.
Tell him you don't want to pressure him but you wonder if there is any future for the two of you.Down the line.

Gemini54 · Jul 5, 2009, 07:55 PM

I think that your friend scared him off by asking him if he liked you.

Your guy might have been enjoying the friendship, enjoying your company and now he feels like there are expectations and that everyone's eyes are on him waiting for him to make the next move.

I wouldn't push it. See how it goes and try to act the same as always. Act as if things are normal between you. If the conversation continues to be strained you could mention it and ask him if everything is OK.

I'd suggest you also ask your other friends to back off for a while.

Torrid13 · Jul 6, 2009, 09:47 AM

He did like a 360!
He called me about 20 minutes ago asking if I would like to go to a movie!

But, he invited a mutual girl friend of our group that no one is really fond of. What's interesting, though, is that she wasn't present at the last Thursday outing with the group, and didn't see us together that night. Maybe this is a good sign?

She's the only one he invited besides me, and had told me on numerous occasions he isn't fond of her because she has no manners. >.>

Also, to make something a little more clear: we've known each other for over a year, but more of just "acquaintance friends" than "close friends." We just recently started to really get to know each other.

Thank you so much for ya'lls answers! What to do think of the situation now? Is there hope?

jolienoire · Jul 6, 2009, 10:30 AM

Well if he is inviting you and another friend, that is the grounds to establish that you are friends, I wouldn't read too much into, because if he wanted to get exclusively into you he would just have invited you. Or maybe he just lack effective communication, and wouldn't know what to say if you were alone. I wouldn't read too much into it. Either way. The relevancy is that he invited you and another person.

talaniman · Jul 6, 2009, 12:48 PM

Maybe he is more comfortable in a group setting, or wants to see how you interact, with other females. Hard to say, as that's a pretty unique way of dating, two females. Hard to comment on that as he may not want anyone to talk about who he is pursuing. Could he feel he needs a "chaperon". Hmmm!

ajGambino · Jul 6, 2009, 01:00 PM

Getting these mixed signals sounds annoying and a waste of your time. Do not play this game, it will only make more you confused because you're trying to figure things out.

If he wants to talk or hang out, he will ask, so be patient. In the meantime, try not to make this guy your source of fun and have a blast without him.

Torrid13 · Jul 6, 2009, 08:38 PM

So... I went to the movie. My friend we both hate wasn't the only one there. He invited his boss and a couple of his co-workers, all who've grown up with him, and are good friends. I'd never met any of them, so it was a little awkward at first, especially because our mutual friend was glomming onto him.

He kept touching my hair, and saying things like, "Man, I'm burning up...here, feel my face," and would grab my hand and put it against it. Whenever I was leaving his house, where we all went for a few minutes afterwards, he hugged one of his co-worker-friends who was a girl and just had surgery, telling to get well soon, and it was nice seeing her after so long.

He then hugged me tightly for a while, to the point that the girl friend we both have was like, "Guys, maybe you need to get a room." This is the first time he's ever hugged me. He didn't hug our friend.

I guess I'll have to wait and see where this goes...

Torrid13 · Jul 7, 2009, 06:23 PM

He sent me an email saying, "Hey, I'm really glad you came to the movies. Did you have a good time?"

First email he's ever written me.
*crosses fingers*

Torrid13 · Jul 7, 2009, 06:51 PM

Well, I answered the email and told him a little awkward for me since I didn't know his friends, and he responded "Don't worry, you'll be seeing more of them and soon ya'll will be best buds!" He said some other things, too, like me stopping by to see him at work later this week, and how I don't have to pay him back for the movie ticket he bought me.

Just waiting now, I suppose...

Gemini54 · Jul 7, 2009, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by Torrid13

Well, I answered the email and told him a little awkward for me since I didn't know his friends, and he responded "Don't worry, you'll be seeing more of them and soon ya'll will be best buds!" He said some other things, too, like me stopping by to see him at work later this week, and how I don't have to pay him back for the movie ticket he bought me.

Just waiting now, I suppose...

Sounds hopeful! Take it easy and get on with doing things in your life. Don't sit round waiting!

Torrid13 · Jul 7, 2009, 08:32 PM

Originally Posted by Gemini54

Sounds hopeful! Take it easy and get on with doing things in your life. Don't sit round waiting!

You're exactly right! I meant waiting in the sense of seeing where this goes. When I look back on how I used to handle my relationships (I would let them consume me completely), I'm really making an effort to not be clingy and still have a life outside of the relationship. I'm proud, because I've made a lot of progress since my last devastating break-up, but I know there's still a ways to go. Nevertheless, I'll make it, and my future relationships will be better for it!

Thank you so much for your responses! I really appreciate it. :)

Torrid13 · Jul 9, 2009, 09:19 PM

Okay, so we had talked about me coming to visit him at work today a couple of days ago, so I went.

We talked for about 30 minutes, and I had a to leave, but he kept hinting at hanging out soon. I couldn't tell if he meant alone with me or not.

My question is, should I invite him to go see a movie with me and me alone, and possibly make my feelings for him known? Or is it too soon?

We've only been talking 3 weeks.

But I also found out some interesting information: it took him almost a year to ask out a girl, and his ex girlfriend had to tell her she liked him!

So should I take the initiative, or let him? Or am I being too impatient? Bah.

Any thoughts?

Torrid13 · Jul 9, 2009, 10:15 PM

No one has any thoughts or suggestions? :(

talaniman · Jul 10, 2009, 05:59 AM

We've only been talking 3 weeks.

Better to slow down, and get to know him, and at this point, its up to him to get his courage up, and take some risks. Yes its to early to focus on just him, and way to early to just jump in.

I would suggest, not making him the center of the universe just yet, and have your own social life, outside of what he does.

That keeps you balanced, and your view of the reality you live in sharp perspective.

Nothing wrong with asking him to lunch though, just the two of you.

Torrid13 · Jul 10, 2009, 09:34 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Better to slow down, and get to know him, and at this point, its up to him to get his courage up, and take some risks. Yes its to early to focus on just him, and way to early to just jump in.

I would suggest, not making him the center of the universe just yet, and have your own social life, outside of what he does.

That keeps you balanced, and your view of the reality you live in sharp perspective.

Nothing wrong with asking him to lunch though, just the two of you.

Oh, I didn't mean to make it seem he's my universe or anything. I got out with just me and my friends, with my family or just by myself quite a lot. I only see him generally once a week because he works long hours, but sometimes twicw because he asks me to come see him. We generally get to talk on the phone or internet.

He makes me nervous, is all, and I'm afraid that he's telling me loud and clear that he doesn't like me and I'm not getting it. :/ That's why I seem frantic, I guess. I don't want to be the fool. :(

But I completely understand what you're saying and I'm definitely more aware of how easy it is to neglect other aspects of your life when smitten. I've done that before and I don't want to go down that road again!

talaniman · Jul 10, 2009, 09:47 AM

I have learned its best not to rush things. Things can develop on their own, and paying attention to your own clear instincts, is often a wise thing to remember.

But I also know that feeling good can lead you to want more of that feel good.

Just keep your wits about you, smitten or not.

Torrid13 · Jul 17, 2009, 02:50 PM

Hey guys! Just a little update!

I was taking my little brother (he's 12) to buy a new video game, and we stopped by to see the guy for a few moments since I felt bad he was working in such hot weather.

For the first time, I was relaxed. I went and saw him without worrying about how I look or what to say. I guess you could say I approached it like "if he likes me, great, if he doesn't, that's fine, too."

So we get to talking and he mentioned he was going to be running some errands after work later. And then...he invited me to come along! :O

This is the first time we're going to spend time alone together!

Now, I know it's not a date or anything, and he may very well not like me, but it's exciting because we're progressing in some sort of relationship, whether it's friendship or not!

I'm just shocked! I didn't go there expecting or even wanting him to ask me anywhere; but the one day I "bum out" and don't care about anything, he asks.

I'm excited! I thought I would let you guys know how things are progressing! I'll update more after I get back tonight! :)

Thank you for the continuous support!