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    tchur1's Avatar
    tchur1 Posts: 8, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jul 2, 2009, 04:37 AM
    Bi-racial dating
    I have an adult daughter who is dating a black American. She is flying to see him next week and I'm taking her to the airport. What bothers me is that this is all secretive.
    She is unaware that I have knowledge of this. My question: should I come out and
    Tell her that I know about this or should I just let it go, keep quiet, and just see what happens? I am a pretty open person. If this is what makes her happy then I will support her. However, her dad is a bit prejudice. Honestly, I think she's doing this to be rebellious. We never had any problem with her during her teenage years. She didn't leave home until she was 25 so I think part of it is just doing something that she thinks her parents would object to. Any thoughts on this subject I would appreciate.
    NeedKarma's Avatar
    NeedKarma Posts: 10,635, Reputation: 1706
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    #2

    Jul 2, 2009, 04:54 AM
    Well she's over 25 so she is an adult. Whether she is dating a black guy or an asian guy or an albino that shouldn't make a difference right? The issue is that she is doing it in a secretive fashion, is that correct? Does she always share all her dating activities with you?
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #3

    Jul 2, 2009, 05:05 AM

    Maybe its simply a matter of she knows how daddy will react but she doesn't know how serious this relationship is. So maybe she just wants to protect daddy (and you) until she has a better idea of where the relationship is going.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #4

    Jul 2, 2009, 07:56 AM
    This is just plain weird in my opinion.

    What difference does it make that she should disclose her boyfriend as being anything other than her boyfriend. Why do you see her not 'disclosing' him as a black american have to do with anything whatsoever?

    Obviously she doesn't have a problem, you do. So does your husband.

    That you see this situation as her hiding something important to her family reminds me of the movie, 'Guess Who's Coming To Dinner'. You will recall that way back when, it was indeed a problem for parents of older generations to accept mixed marriages.

    Wake up and smell the coffee, your husband too. Have a few gallons of it in fact. Maybe instead of sugar, add tolerance, reality, and respect, and wrap your head around your daughter being 25 years old and she can do whatever she wants without worrying about your hangups. Or your husbands.

    I think it could very well be she doesn't tell you, because she knows you'd react exactly the way you have.
    NeedKarma's Avatar
    NeedKarma Posts: 10,635, Reputation: 1706
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    #5

    Jul 2, 2009, 08:09 AM
    Check her posting history: (1) there is a common thread here, and (2) she never seems to return to her question to post again.
    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
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    #6

    Jul 2, 2009, 08:21 AM

    I know that I don't go into depth about everyone that I date with my parents. One, because it's private. And two, I'm an adult and can make the choice of who to date on my own. I date who makes me happy, not because I think my parents would approve. I share more as the relationship becomes more involved.

    The fact that you say your husband has a problem with it- well maybe she just didn't want to deal with all the forthcoming drama around the situation right now.

    She's not aware that you know; did you find out through snooping? Why is it important to either of you? You used the word "secretive" which implies purposely concealing. Maybe she wasn't being "secretive", but maybe she just didn't feel the need to tell you yet.

    Or maybe she just doesn't care what you think about who she's dating.
    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
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    #7

    Jul 2, 2009, 08:41 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by NeedKarma View Post
    Check her posting history: (1) there is a common thread here, and (2) she never seems to return to her question to post again.
    Good catch NK... I see an overbearing parent that snoops. A LOT. No wonder the daughter tries to maintain privacy.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #8

    Jul 2, 2009, 11:30 AM

    I think it is that she is afraid you won't be supportive and she most likely does think if mom knows = dad will know.
    Have you ever had a talk in general about racial things like dating outside your race with her?
    Maybe it is time to sit down and have a good heart to heart mother/daughter talk with her
    OR
    at very least tell her you are my daughter and I will love you no matter what. You know the door is always open that you can discuss ANYTHING with me.

    And mean it because the more you go against her on things or object the more she will withdraw closeness with you.
    Brofaux's Avatar
    Brofaux Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Jul 14, 2009, 01:23 PM

    If she was younger, then I would tell you to aproach the situation with her. Not because of the persons race, but because she is flying to see someone without your knowledge.

    However, at 25, she should be able to handle herself. Leave her room.
    jenniepepsi's Avatar
    jenniepepsi Posts: 4,042, Reputation: 533
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    #10

    Jul 14, 2009, 07:57 PM

    I'm thinking this is a troll, she also says that her daughter is 27 in another post...
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,823, Reputation: 2035
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    #11

    Jul 14, 2009, 08:08 PM

    Her posts like this one say her daughter left home with she was 25 and now she is 27. Not sure how that suggests troll.
    jjwoodhull's Avatar
    jjwoodhull Posts: 1,378, Reputation: 239
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    #12

    Jul 14, 2009, 08:10 PM
    After reading all the threads you have started, I get the impression that you are very overbearing with your adult daughter, who it seems is 28 years old.

    I would guess that the reason that she does not share the details of her personal life is because you do not give her enough privacy.

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