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luv2laugh · Jul 1, 2009, 04:43 AM

I'm 38 and single for the first time since I was 20. I have met a great guy and we've been going out 2 months. I'm 95% sure he is not seeing anyone else as we see each other 6 days a week and then he is at work. I need help on how to ask him certain things without scaring him away. We met online. I let my subscription expire to the dating site. How do I ask him if he is talking to anyone else from the site or wants to meet/date anyone else? How do I let him know how much I like him and would like to be exclusive with him?

Just to give a little background. I text him and tell him I miss him and he responds with "me too", I take that as "I miss you too" but "me too" is easier to text and not as big as a commitment. We are intimate and I spend the night over his house a couple times a week and no one has come to the house wondering what I'm doing there. When we are in public he shows some PDA (little kisses, hand holding, hugs) so that to me indicates he is not worried about running into anyone that might question it. He has introduced me to many of his friends.

I appreciate any advice on the above or any advice on second time around dating. Things are so different now than when I was 20.

h_leann_b · Jul 1, 2009, 03:18 PM

Maybe you could say something like, I wanted to ask you your feelings on taking things a little further and just date each other exclusively? You are seeing a lot of each other, so he may already have it in his mind and just assumes like that is what you are doing but he isn't sure. Asking is really the only way to find out.

s_cianci · Jul 1, 2009, 03:57 PM

You've only been together 2 months. That's nothing in the overall grand scheme of things. The worse thing you can do is get too serious too fast. That will only serve to spook him and he'll go running. It sounds like things are going good so far so don't rock the boat. Now if it gets to a year or so and things are still progressing, then you'd be justified in making things a little more serious.

talaniman · Jul 1, 2009, 08:20 PM

Your intimate, and see each other a lot, so ask him any question you have, and if that scares him off, he ain't the one to be with.

That has to be better than finding out after 6 months, that's all he wanted was sex, and a good time.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 1, 2009, 08:54 PM

First two months and already sleeping over , humm part of the issues with society today I guess, since these are the questions you should be asking before the sleep overs not after.

But you will never know for sure, if you ask, if he is, he will lie.
If you can't and don't trust him, then you should not be this for advanced in the dating level.

Unlike high school, there is no "going" steady faze where he gives you a high school ring, and commitment to him at this point may mean marriage and he may not be to that point.

Also unless he has said so, he is free still to date others, just dating a couple months does not mean he is not dating others for 3 or 4 and looking at you as a better choice.

If you are seeing each other 6 nighta a week, just when between sleep and work is he suppose to be seeing someone

I wish · Jul 2, 2009, 06:30 AM

I think that the two of you are close enough for you to question how serious your relationship has become. There's no reason for you to feel uncomfortable in asking him where he thinks this relationship is heading. Might as well get a straight answer earlier to avoid becoming friends with benefits.

But if you spend so much time together, then I think that he's fairly committed already.

winding200 · Jul 2, 2009, 11:23 AM

I guess you are concerned since you met the guy online. If he was online site, he should get a lot of contacts & opportunities from other girls. But he chose you to spend most of his time. It is good for you. But I am concerned that you slept with him before you find out if he is exclusive or not. I will never sleep with someone before he confirms firmly that I am the only one in the exclusive relationship. I am old fashioned, so in my logic, you would ask him to turn down his profile from online just before he sleeps with you. Is his profile still online? I guess everyone has different dating style. I know I am very strict.

My 2 cents:
My male friends at work say that guys have 3 month hidden rules in these days for online dating. (Online dating seems more popular in these days.) If they meet a person online, see the same one over 3 month period, it means they really like the person, committing themselves and they consider it is relationship not dating. It implies that it does not matter for guys how deeply they are physically involved in early stage to measure the commitment level in online dating. Oh, well. It is sad. It sounds very shallow, I am not getting their logic at all, actually hate to hear that from guys, (that's why girls should be careful to make movement with guys) but I am wondering if it can be true guideline in online dating. (No validation here from my side though. Sorry. Guys, validate it for us.)
FYI. I heard it over beer, I know guys talk honestly after beers, and since I am a married woman not a dating material, they would not hide anything from me.

Why don't you hold off your "let's talk" thing for another month? 2 month relationship is very new anyway. After 3 month mark, find it out nicely and let us know. I guess you will be OK. Good luck!