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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #21

    Oct 18, 2006, 12:36 PM
    Yeah, I was a little thrown off too,but then who but a very young guy could come up with a word document to relieve him of his obligations? Who but a very young girl would sign it? Either way I don't know if such a contract is binding or not. I've never heard of this before.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #22

    Oct 18, 2006, 12:38 PM
    Yeah, could be, but he makes mention of making good money and her making little. He travels and works 70 hours per week.

    My thought was that he did this out of desperation rather than sound rational thinking.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #23

    Oct 18, 2006, 12:42 PM
    That's logical, poor guy I almost feel for him. You don't know how scared I was when I found out my first was coming.
    LUNAGODDESS's Avatar
    LUNAGODDESS Posts: 467, Reputation: 40
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    #24

    Oct 18, 2006, 02:32 PM
    "... I have openly expressed my non-interest in being a father now. I have also emphasized how she has no financial means to be a mother now. She makes little money, and I travel and work 70 hours a week and do well. This issue is breaking us up..."


    First issue you have no desire to be a father... make sure the woman that you are with is taking her birth control... and if you are struck on the point of no children... get yourself prepared with birth control.


    "... Again, I am openly expressing to her that I do not want to be a father yet. She has declined all options and agreed to a “financial abortion” from me, as a result of my openly expressed concerns of not wishing to be a father, before her pregnancy, during her pregnancy (which is now just over 15 weeks), and this posture will not change after the pregnancy... "
    So nice of her to consider your feeling before the care and keeping of the child...

    Fact you have a right to give up parental rights... the judge will make the decision on whether you should be given that right...

    An financial abortion has no seat in today's laws...

    Your statement does read like an immature man that is insecure about life... yes having a baby is scary... yes it does attack what ever monies you have in the bank to rise them... it goes with the enjoyment of sex... afraid of the end game... then do not play unless you are ready to win...
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #25

    Oct 18, 2006, 02:44 PM
    May I suggest a vasectomy, since birth control is not 100% effective anyway?

    Just a little thought I have been thinking about.
    momincali's Avatar
    momincali Posts: 641, Reputation: 242
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    #26

    Oct 18, 2006, 03:48 PM
    I got knocked up with my boyfriend of 3 years and he begged me to come to my senses and have an abortion. He promised me an engagement "we could start all over again...". After I threw up on his shoes (priceless I know) I told him that I was sad and horrified that I could be so blind to the fact that the man I was dating was not a man after all. He warned me that he would not be there for either one of us if I went through with the pregnancy and kept the baby... I told him if he turned his back today he would regret it one day. I told him I would never go after him for child support because a judge could never give my child what it needed which was a father. I told him I would not take him back once he left.

    He kept his word. I kept mine. My daughter grew up in a loving home because I moved back in with my parents to give her a sense of family.

    When she was 4 he contacted me saying he had a change of heart and wanted us both back. I told him he'd better have a big wallet to come with it because if he wanted to see her it would cost him 4 years of retroactive child support. He didn't believe me until he got a letter from my attorney. He never called again.

    When my husband and I got married a year later he adopted her. The ex signed the paperwork without hesitation. He wrote me a letter saying that he really did have a change of heart and regretted what he did but also knew that coming into her life this late in the game would only confuse her. He recognized that he made a rash decision that he'd have to live with until the day he died and he respected that my husband would be a better role model for a father.


    Be a man, do the responsible thing. Yes, she is also responsible, I do acknowledge that, but that's water under the bridge now. If she won't give this baby to a two parent home, then the next best thing is to marry her and be the man you are supposed to be.
    The WB's Avatar
    The WB Posts: 78, Reputation: 6
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    #27

    Oct 19, 2006, 01:09 PM
    I have children(plural). Trust me. You will never be ready. The only people who are ready, can't have kids. Believe me, I know what you are feeling. I'm not going to beat you with words because I have seen women have babies and abortions for some of the craziest reasons. If you two live together, you will take care of that baby whether you want to or not. Either out of guilt or her making you do it. If you don't live together, you will help her with the baby or lose her eventually.
    You and her must take that document to a notary and get it notorized. If you drew it up right, it may be able to stand up in court when she tries to get child support, after you two have split. Trust; if you continue with this attitude, you will split. Don't be scared. It's not that bad if you start by doing right by just the baby. If you just buy the basic essentials(pampers, clothes, bed, etc.), which are not that expensive if you're making all that good money, it would go a long way in appeasing her. If you don't want to be a dad, stay away from the child because he/she will make you their father just out of instinct. You may feel compelled to take care of that child because you know it is yours. You can't go to the hospital with her because if you get to see the birth, you will want to be a dad because you will know that is a piece of you. To make a long story short, you are going to miss out on a lot. My oldest is 16 and will set the world on fire for any of them.
    dunno's Avatar
    dunno Posts: 160, Reputation: 19
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    #28

    Oct 19, 2006, 01:52 PM
    I sure wish Notready would come back and tell us what's going on with him, his girlfriend and his baby! You know he's reading these... just doesn't want to get chewed out anymore!
    teenam1111's Avatar
    teenam1111 Posts: 16, Reputation: -3
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    #29

    Oct 29, 2006, 09:55 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by notreadytobeDadyet
    Help! My girlfriend of three years and I noticed changes in her body, so I urged her to get a pregnancy test. She waited until recently to discover that she was 13 weeks pregnant. Prior to all of this news, she was on the pill. I have openly expressed my non-interest in being a father now. I have also emphasized how she has no financial means to be a mother now. She makes little money, and I travel and work 70 hours a week and do well. This issue is breaking us up. We have discussed adoption and some days she says yes and others no. We have discussed abortion, but now at 15 ˝ weeks, she is almost in her second trimester. Again, I am openly expressing to her that I do not want to be a father yet. She has declined all options and agreed to a “financial abortion” from me, as a result of my openly expressed concerns of not wishing to be a father, before her pregnancy, during her pregnancy (which is now just over 15 weeks), and this posture will not change after the pregnancy. How is this done? She has agreed to sign off on anything that would bind me to child support including not listing my name on the forthcoming birth certificate. Does this have to be on a legal binding document in case she changes her mind five years from now? As of now it’s simply on a word document that she and I have signed. We are not married, and I have not planned on having a child. She simply was not religious in taking her birth control pills on time and as a result, we are in this predicament.
    Sign over your parental rights . But get an attorney to write up an agreement that if you DO sign over parental rights . That she can't come after you for child support . Do not enter into any agreement on paper or verbally . Some will and some won't hold up in court . It doesn't mean that you are a bad person signing over those rights. It just means that you are holding true to yourself . If she was supposed to be on birth control . Then it was her responsibility to keep from getting pregnant . If it was known before she got pregnant , that you didn't want kids yet . Then that should account for something .
    Sentra's Avatar
    Sentra Posts: 385, Reputation: 55
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    #30

    Oct 29, 2006, 10:36 AM
    I meant to 'disagree' on the above post.
    teenam1111's Avatar
    teenam1111 Posts: 16, Reputation: -3
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    #31

    Oct 29, 2006, 12:22 PM
    I am a woman not a neanderthal . Men have rights also ! He did not want to have a baby with his girlfriend . He's clearly not ready to be a Father figure. It is in the best interest of the Mother and Baby to move on . This relationship isn't going to work !
    And I do know you can get pregnant on B/C . I did at the age of 16!! And my borfriend wasn't ready to be a Dad ,( at that point in his life ). I wasn't ready to be a Mom . But it was MY decision to keep the baby . It was his decision not to be in our lives. He has rights also . He was a good guy . But just because a baby is on the way . Doesn't make him ready to be a Dad . We were on B/C . It was a shock . I found a man that wanted to be a Dad . And things worked out just fine . My daughter is 16 and doing just fine . And so am I .
    We all have rights and choices . We can't JUST say stay together and raise a kid that wasn't planned or wanted . That's how things get stressful for the 3 of them . If the parents don't want to be together . Then the kid suffers . He doesn't seem to me as coming off as a guy that hasn't expressed his wishes before she got pregnant . She clearly knew he wasn't ready for kids . She wasn't either I know. But she can choose adoption if she isn't financially ready . Then that way the baby will have 2 parents and a good life . I'm against abortion . But also feel that it is an individuals right on that subject . Again it will be the child that suffers if parents are on to opposite sides of this subject .
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #32

    Oct 29, 2006, 02:32 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by teenam1111
    I am a woman not a neanderthal . Men have rights also ! He did not want to have a baby with his girlfriend . He's clearly not ready to be a Father figure. It is in the best interest of the Mother and Baby to move on . This relationship isn't going to work !
    And I do know you can get pregnant on B/C . I did at the age of 16 !!!!!!!!!!! And my borfriend wasn't ready to be a Dad ,( at that point in his life ). I wasn't ready to be a Mom . But it was MY decision to keep the baby . It was his decision not to be in our lives. He has rights also . He was a good guy . But just becasue a baby is on the way . Doesn't make him ready to be a Dad . We were on B/C . It was a shock . I found a man that wanted to be a Dad . And things worked out just fine . My daughter is 16 and doing just fine . And so am I .
    We all have rights and choices . We can't JUST say stay together and raise a kid that wasn't planned or wanted . That's how things get stressful for the 3 of them . If the parents don't want to be together . Then the kid suffers . He doesn't seem to me as coming off as a guy that hasn't expressed his wishes before she got pregnant . She clearly knew he wasn't ready for kids . She wasn't either I know. But she can choose adoption if she isn't financially ready . Then that way the baby will have 2 parents and a good life . I'm against abortion . But also feel that it is an individuals right on that subject . Again it will be the child that suffers if parents are on to opposite sides of htis subject .
    Shouldn't he pay child support? Why didn't he get a vasectomy? Why play at a grown up game and not to expect consequences? Both man and woman have the obligation to raise the child, whether they marry is another question.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #33

    Oct 29, 2006, 06:06 PM
    No, Joe, vasectomy is not 100% effective either, neither is tubal ligation, birth control pills, or condoms. The only things 100% effective are a total hysterectomy or abstinence.

    Vascetomy is a slightly more effective than the pill, but it is still not 100%
    sensualambiance's Avatar
    sensualambiance Posts: 6, Reputation: 0
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    #34

    Nov 4, 2006, 11:56 PM
    You Think 100 Dollars Is Enough To Support A Child. That Doesn't Even Buy Tylenol, Wipes And Diapers For The Month. You Men Are Ridiculous. You Can Help Make The Baby But Not Support Them. Do You Honestly Think $100 Is Your Fair Share? The Answer Is No. The Women Is Footing Most Of The Bill, The Time, And Other Things. You Men Are Pathetic. And To Think You Probably Had Mothers That Raised You On Your Own.
    andrewcocke's Avatar
    andrewcocke Posts: 439, Reputation: 22
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    #35

    Nov 5, 2006, 11:03 AM
    Not ready to be a dad yet:

    You better get ready. You can ignore the comments in this board but you can't ignore that. Furthermore, if your girlfriend wants to have and keep this child, there really isn't a lot you can do about it.

    We've all been through problems buddy, but what you need to do is support your girlfriend right now. I will even make the suggestion to start thinking about putting a ring on her finger if she will have it. Try to raise the child the best you and her can, in as much of a normal lifestyle as possible. Maybe once you get married you two and the child can start attending a local church. There is good support for families who are struggling emotionally there.

    When the school work starts to cover the fridge, and the child sits there and ask questions about how a car works when you change the oil, you'll be glad you made the decision to keep the child.

    But like I said, we've all got problems. As my boss would say "man up and deal with it!".

    My wife and I got married on our car port by the justice of the peace. The licence cost $15 and the justice of the peace charged $60. Think about it.
    inla_bomber's Avatar
    inla_bomber Posts: 17, Reputation: 2
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    #36

    Nov 6, 2006, 06:16 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by dunno
    I sure wish Notready would come back and tell us what's going on with him, his gf and his baby! !
    Yeah, it's kind of anticlimatic. Pardon the pun.
    latashaperkins's Avatar
    latashaperkins Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
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    #37

    Nov 7, 2006, 10:34 AM
    For my response I'm not going to lecture you, but me and my boyfriend recently thought I was pregnant because I had all the syptoms and before I even took a test he wanted me to get an abortion asap and do you realize what kind of emotional state that would put your so loved girlfriend to think back she killed her son/daughter how would you feel to know you hurt her in that way it would hurt and you shouldn't try to force her into getting an abortion ( if you don't get one I don't want to be with you. Or take a pick) those things don't work because she is going to choose her unborn child believe me when my boyfriend told me to get an abortion I was going to quit school and move out of state because he wanted on and he told me to choose. I love him with all my heart but that child inside of her is a part of you how could you just want to throw it away like a piece of trash. It's wrong. That is your flesh and blood.
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #38

    Nov 7, 2006, 03:07 PM
    So because you are selfish, you made a girl abort a child that I can guarantee she wanted! SHAME ON YOU! I don't know how you can sleep at night. You really need to take a look at yourself in the mirror.

    It wasn't about you... you are not the one that has to carry the child, and go through everything. Just think what she has to live with everyday. Did you consider that? The emotional turmoil she had to and still goes through whether she displays that to anyone or not? The nightmares she must have had! The loss she suffered - all because of what - you and your selfish attitude and money? What sort of a man are you??
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #39

    Nov 7, 2006, 03:32 PM
    Holly, if you read carefully she agreed to a "financial abortion" she did not actually abort the child. At least we don't know if she did since the OP has not been back since his first post October 14.
    DJ 'H''s Avatar
    DJ 'H' Posts: 1,109, Reputation: 114
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    #40

    Nov 7, 2006, 03:34 PM
    My apologies if I misread the post!

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