[notreadytobeDadyet]

Help! My girlfriend of three years and I noticed changes in her body, so I urged her to get a pregnancy test. She waited until recently to discover that she was 13 weeks pregnant. Prior to all of this news, she was on the pill. I have openly expressed my non-interest in being a father now. I have also emphasized how she has no financial means to be a mother now. She makes little money, and I travel and work 70 hours a week and do well. This issue is breaking us up. We have discussed adoption and some days she says yes and others no. We have discussed abortion, but now at 15 ½ weeks, she is almost in her second trimester. Again, I am openly expressing to her that I do not want to be a father yet. She has declined all options and agreed to a “financial abortion” from me, as a result of my openly expressed concerns of not wishing to be a father, before her pregnancy, during her pregnancy (which is now just over 15 weeks), and this posture will not change after the pregnancy. How is this done? She has agreed to sign off on anything that would bind me to child support including not listing my name on the forthcoming birth certificate. Does this have to be on a legal binding document in case she changes her mind five years from now? As of now it’s simply on a word document that she and I have signed. We are not married, and I have not planned on having a child. She simply was not religious in taking her birth control pills on time and as a result, we are in this predicament.

[Cassie]

A woman can get pregnant while taking the pill. They can be taken religiously and it can happen. You would need to go to a lawyer and ask him these questions and have some legal work drawn up. Did you have a father while growing up? I am curious as to how someone can be so withdrawn from their own child to be. I know men these days feel they have just as much right as a woman in determining what happens to an unborn child. I do not. It should be a woman's right to have an abortion or not, NEVER should anyone else even suggest it. It is killing an unborn child and she will have to live with that forever. When a woman carries a child for 9 months, feels it living and moving inside her. She gets attached to that living breathing person before it is ever born, giving it away may cause problems forever also.

Do not be harsh on her about not taking the pill, it can happen. I have 2 grandsons (my daughter was married) to prove it. She was religious about taking the pill, her husband wanted children and she was not ready. They are wonderful boys and the light of her life.

[excon]

She simply was not religious in taking her birth control pills on time and as a result, we are in this predicament.

Hello Not:

Dude. I got it. I'm like you. I hate wearing a rubber. But, these days, YOU TOO are responsible for getting her knocked up.

The time to decide whether you want to be a father OR NOT, is BEFORE you implant your member - not after. You put the next 20 years of your financial life, IN YOUR GIRLFRIENDS HANDS. Not surprisingly, she's not treating your money the same way you would.

No, Dude. You're going to pay! You're going to pay good. If you somehow convince her to let you off the hook now (because you're right there, and she's feeling distraught), she'll come to her senses. At $100/mo for the next 20 years, we're talking about $24,000, here. She should give that up?

Uhhh, NO she shouldn't! You should pay to support your child.

So, after all that money stuff, you might as well get ready to be a dad, because you're going to be, AND you’re going to pay like one too. Being a dad ain't so bad. I rather like it.

In 1973, I talked my wife into an abortion. I have a son who was born in 1975. What was so important that two years cured? I have no idea. I look at my son, and wonder who his older brother or sister was. I love my son. I have room to love another one.

It doesn't feel good to know that I did that. Back then, I didn't think about this stuff at all.

I don't know what any of this is worth.

excon

[J_9]

I am so sorry. I am sorry on may levels here. I am sorry you are not going to get the answers you want, I am sorry you are not man enough to face the consequences of your actions, and so on.

I too took birth control pills. I took them religiously, same time on the dot every day, never forgot one. I have 2 beautiful sons who now protect our country in the U.S. Army to show for it. So, the pill is not 100% effective.

Now, you knew that there was a possibility of her getting pregnant every time you had sex with her. Don't tell me you didn't.

You are now responsible for the rest of your life to this child. Whether your name is on the birth certificate or not. All she has to do is prove paternity. One little swab of the cheek, that is all it takes these days.

Excon said you might as well get ready to be a "dad." From what I hear you can't be a dad, but rather a sperm donor.

I find it a shame that you can love your girlfriend, make love to her, but not love what the two of you produced.

[Fr_Chuck]

Got news, that unless you go to court and she agrees in court to allow you to give up your rights, YOU are a father.

And guess what you will be paying child support, so yes she has a great way to pay for raising the child, it is called YOU.

And it is your child, you should like a dead beat I would like to take out behind a wood shed and discuss responsibility.

You were having sex with her and she is going to have a baby, so deal with it dude, you are a father if you never see the baby ever or pay her a dime.

But if you don't do your duties for the child, you are the lowest scum on the face of this earth in my opinion. And honestly, it sounds like you are so selfish that she will do a lot better without a loser like you in her life. But I do hope she makes you pay out the nose for the child till the child is out of college, since that is your duty and her right to get it.

[JoeCanada76]

Your in that predicament, because you stuck your @#$% in her. You my friend are trying to put all the blame on her. It is your fault too. You should have thought about it before doing anything. Birth control is not 100 percent. As far as her wanting to keep the baby that is her choice. I am against abortion personally. There are many other options. You're a father now whether you are ready for it or not. It is eighter time to step up to the plate and become a man and take responsibility for this little one or be a coward and run away. You will have no idea what effect it has on a child not knowing there parents. At the same time since you feel this way maybe the baby is better off without you. As far as responsibility, this baby will always be your responsibility with or without papers and names. With or without your presence. You need to think long and hard. Do not force anything on this women.

Joe

[K_3]

Life is not always about being ready for what is given us. It would be nice if that were the case. You have been given a child, that is a gift not to be taken lightly. You say you do well financially, when would the perfect time be, or do you not want children ever?
You have no right to make the decision for your girlfriend. You have told her how you feel, now you must respect how she feels. This would be a great burden for her to carry for the rest of her life. Women are the nurturing ones and to give up a child can cause them pain for the rest of their life. If she gave it up or had had an abortion because you wanted her to, she at some point could and most likely would resent you, and rightfully so.

If I were her, I would leave you, sign court documents taking all rights away from you as a father. I would find a caring, loving nonselfish person. I would not want you in my life or my child's.

I feel very sorry for you. I would not want to be the kind of person you are. Bless you

[J_9]

I agree with K3, I would find someone loving, and you sir are not it. However, I would take you for all the money my child deserved.

The money is not for her, but for the child. For food, diapers, for a roof over its head, for electricity.

How would you feel if your father just dumped you? I assume you have a father. How would you feel if your father did not want you?

[LisaB4657]

Not ready to be a dad yet? Guess what... every time you have sex you are a potential dad. If you're not ready for fatherhood then you're not ready for sex.

The only method of birth control that is 100% effective is abstinence. This pregnancy is your responsibility just as much as your girlfriend's. And this baby will be your responsibility just as much as hers. Whether you're ready is irrelevant. It's coming and if you're not there for her and the baby then you deserve everything that a court can throw at you.

[inla_bomber]

Back in 1999 my girlfriend at the time told me she was pregnant. I was already paying over $400 dollars a month for my first child with my first girl (on my first time!). She toyed with the idea of abortion at first, to my relief. The next week she wanted to keep it. I, like you, expressed my feelings toward being a father. She seemed like she didn't care what I felt. I told her, and I was serious, that I wouldn't be around at the time of birth, because I wasn't going to take any food. And from then, until she had it aborted, I took no food.

[excon]

And from then, until she had it aborted, I took no food.

Hello inla:

It would have been better if YOU had starved yourself to death. What a despicable thing to do!

excon

[s_cianci]

The real issue, from a legal standpoint, isn't whether she's willing to sign away any potential responsibility on your part. Legally she can't sign away any child support that the child would be entitled to. It's more a question of whether you're the father. The only way that can be proven is through a DNA test. If one is never done. Then it'll never be proven that you're the father and you won't be able to be held legally responsible. The best bet would be for her and you to sign an affidavit that she will never ask the court to compel you to submit to a DNA test, as this is the first and most crucial test in child support proceedings. Have an attorney draft it up for you, you both sign it and the attorney notarizes it. That's your best option.

[talaniman]

Back in 1999 my girlfriend at the time told me she was pregnant. I was already paying over $400 dollars a month for my first child with my first girl (on my first time!). She toyed with the idea of abortion at first, to my relief. The next week she wanted to keep it. I, like you, expressed my feelings toward being a father. She seemed like she didn't care what I felt. I told her, and I was serious, that I wouldn't be around at the time of birth, because I wasn't going to take any food. And from then, until she had it aborted, I took no food.

You can't be proud of that action are you? I wish she had the baby and we'd see how long you would have lasted with no food, I think that's so sick, KILL the baby or I don't eat. Stupid.

Again, I am openly expressing to her that I do not want to be a father yet.

If you didn't want to be a father why did you keep pokin' her with your thang? That's what happens when you have sex and the only 100% birth control is abstinance. Its too late to argue, so go cry in your room and get over the kid stuff because now its time to... be a MAN. Quite whining and do the right thing.

[J_9]

Yes, T, thang poking results in tummy growing.

Tal, up there sounding like Dr. Laura, "Quit whinning and go the right thing"

Spoken like a true Relationship Expert.

As for you Mr. notreadytobeaDadyet:

If your not ready to be a Dad, keep it in your pants.

Waddya all want to bet that he will not be back. We did not give him the info he wanted, only what he needed to hear.

[dunno]

So Notreadytobeadadyet... what happens when your girlfriend has this child and someday your son or daughter comes looking for you? What are you going to say to him or her? What will be your excuse for not being there for them growing up? Will you tell them the truth or will you still be a coward and hide from them?

Maybe you would change your mind if you went to his or her birth. Then you could see that this little miracle might have your eyes or your nose and when they grow up they might have your sense of humor or maybe your laugh. How can you throw all that away? You're not just giving up a life with your child, but a life with your girlfriend as well... she must not mean much to you... poor girl...

[talaniman]

The majority of us men here probably were not ready to be a father but once we accepted the fact that a baby was coming we got ourselves ready. That's the difference between MEN and boys, Men do what the have to do for their family. So while I understand the fear I bet once you see your child in person you will stand up and do what your supposed to do.(I HOPE ,at least) Or you could be like most of the so-called males out there and run for the hills looking for the easy way out. Your choice, make the right one. The changes a child makes in your life are positive ones... For a MAN anyway.

[DJ 'H']

I am 22yrs old, was on the pill and fell pregnant. I am currently in my third trimester. I too was not ready to be a mum and my boyfriend left me because of the baby. I have some input you will not like... you need to take a good look in the mirror... stop being so selfish... this is not about you... this is about your girlfriend and her unborn child. If that is your attitude, then you have no respect for her. She and the little one are better off without you. Its her body and her life... she is the one it effects the most and she should be the one to decide what happensa ndn you should support her no matter what. You are a selfish, heartless and above all cruel man and you need to have you head read. Some men and women cannot have children so appreciate the fact that you can. Grow up and get a life.

NB: Take note of my Aviatar too - that's the scan pic of my daughter due this December. That's what your baby almost looks like now... something for you to think about.

[SINGLE4]

First of all... Inla_bomber... I would've let you STARVE!! SERIOUSLY!!

Second... notreadytobeadadyet... I agree with everyone here but "Mr. Bomber"!! My sister became pregnant the first time she ever had sex! She lost her virginity from her boyfriend. Needless to say, he found out she was pregnant, asked her to get an abortion and she refused! In our family, abortion isn't an option! My sister never heard from her boyfriend again! He changed his number and (seriously) moved out of state! Pretty drastic measures because you didn't want to care for your "flesh and blood"!

Having a child is a very scary thing when you're not ready! I was not ready and my sister was not ready to be "mommies"! I worked three jobs for years and now I only work two jobs! I did what I had to because I was the parent and my actions were "molding" my child! Although I get childsupport, my sister doesn't! Her little boy is sooooo very cute and looks a lot like his dad! To bad the S.O.B. with never know his son!

If you were not ready to have a child then you should have kept your "willy" in your pants! If you can't take the responsibility that comes with having sex then you SHOULDN'T HAVE SEX!

What goes around... comes around! He (and you if you abandon this child) will get your "just due" in the end! You will have to answer to the big guy!!

[LUNAGODDESS]

"...sign off on anything that would bind me to child support including not listing my name on the forthcoming birth certificate. Does this have to be on a legal binding document in case she changes her mind five years from now? As of now it’s simply on a word document that she and I have signed. We are not married, and I have not planned on having a child. She simply was not religious in taking her birth control pills on time and as a result, we are in this predicament..."

First,…off… if, she is a minor… any contract she signs as a minor is not binding in any court of law…the contract needs to be supported by the parents ( that means yours too). You are now a parent! Get use to it…Things will change once you see the baby///maybe the baby will be a mini you…buy him a motorcycle too…he will like girl watching just like you…there is nothing more of a girl magnet…then,… when you are walking with your mini you through the mall and or the park…Wow… what a life…

[J_9]

Maybe I missed it, but I do not see where either party in the OP is a minor.