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    rcboening's Avatar
    rcboening Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Oct 14, 2006, 12:23 AM
    Cheating husband
    I caught my husband cheating on me and if that wasn't bad enough it was with MY cousin.what should I do?I know what I would like to do.
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #2

    Oct 14, 2006, 05:15 AM
    Short answer is you should leave him.

    Long answer is I think we may need some more info. How long has this been going on? Do you have a history of problems with you cousin? How long have you been married? Are there any kids involved?
    phillysteakandcheese's Avatar
    phillysteakandcheese Posts: 973, Reputation: 356
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    #3

    Oct 14, 2006, 07:07 AM
    Most people here will say "once a cheater, always a cheater".

    They're right. Your husband has demonstrated that he does not have any respect for you, his marriage vows, and ultimately - for himself.

    I personally feel that cheating is a deal breaker. I would never again be able to trust someone that did that to me.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #4

    Oct 14, 2006, 07:10 AM
    I am not sure I understand what you mean when you say "I don't konw what to do"

    I will assume you have not shot or killed either of them, since jail does not have interenet.

    I would assume you have packed your bags, or packed his bags and set them out the front door.

    Very seldom can a couple work though one partner cheating on the other, it does happen sometimes but normally a separation and serious counseling is required
    JoeCanada76's Avatar
    JoeCanada76 Posts: 6,669, Reputation: 1707
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    #5

    Oct 14, 2006, 07:26 AM
    Leave and never look back. Do not do anything that you regret. Lets just say. Staying away from your cousin, because a true family member would never ever do that to their own family member. You need to seek council because if there is no way of being able to work it out then divorce is your only option. Do you think trust can be rebuilt? After something like that It would be very hard to trust again. I am so sorry to hear about this happening to you and take care of this right away. Legal action and counseling is necessary for all involved. Question for you has the marriage been good, or always troubled. Were there any signs that this was going to happen?

    Joe
    mr.yet's Avatar
    mr.yet Posts: 1,725, Reputation: 176
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    #6

    Oct 14, 2006, 07:40 AM
    You will always may a doubt in the back of your mind now. It time to move on and find someone you can trust, if he cheated on you with a family member he will continue doing so. Jesushelpr76 is correct, " Leave and never look back"
    K_3's Avatar
    K_3 Posts: 304, Reputation: 74
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    #7

    Oct 14, 2006, 07:44 AM
    A lot more information would help. How long have you been married? Children and how old? Has he done this before? Was it once or is it an affair? How has he been as a husband in the past?
    will5168's Avatar
    will5168 Posts: 6, Reputation: 0
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    #8

    Oct 14, 2006, 07:55 AM
    Would you want to share your life with someone who does not respect you, a thief, a liar and so on... why a thief? He has stole your belief in love, trust, respect. If someone can do this to you and get away with it then you will be saying that 'this is acceptable'. It's not, you deserve better. Get rid. Don't forgive as it will come back and bite you. Good luck
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #9

    Oct 14, 2006, 11:24 AM
    You probably will never be able to trust him again. Ever. Go seek an attorney and find out your rights.

    Cheaters always justify their cheating... he won't stop unfortunately.

    Go see the lawyer immediately.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #10

    Oct 14, 2006, 06:40 PM
    Well, what WOULD you like to do? Nothing violent or illegal, I hope (although I'm sure the temptation's there!) What I think you should do is call a sly, crafty divorce lawyer and file for divorce. Pack his bags, put them out on the curb, change your locks and tell him he can stay with your cousin. Sue him for alimony, child support if applicable, possession of the marital home if there is one, the car, even your legal fees. I'm sure you won't get everything you ask for but the more you ask for the more you'll get. The courts don't generally look too kindly on an adulterer.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #11

    Oct 15, 2006, 09:54 AM
    Without more info I would say he has got to go. You'll think better with him away from you. As for the cousin, never speak to her again. Just curious what does the family say? Do they know?
    rcboening's Avatar
    rcboening Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Oct 15, 2006, 03:48 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by rcboening
    i caught my husband cheating on me and if that wasn't bad enough it was with MY cousin.what should i do?i know what i would like to do.
    I have been with him for 9 years and we have 5 kids involved.The relationship has been up and down.Yes he has cheated before this is the second time with my cousin,once with my sister in law and three or more times with his ex wife.He made three more kids with ex wife when he cheated and there is the possibility that my niece is his.
    young06's Avatar
    young06 Posts: 11, Reputation: 0
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    #13

    Oct 15, 2006, 04:03 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by rcboening
    i caught my husband cheating on me and if that wasn't bad enough it was with MY cousin.what should i do?i know what i would like to do.
    You should get rid of your boyfirend because you may love and respect him but dose he love and respect you well obviosly not if cheated on you but you should try to forgive your cousin. I now the saying is you can't chose your family but you can chose friends well all I have to say is you can't chose your family so make it up with your cousin and you can chose you boyfriends so get rid of him.
    Skell's Avatar
    Skell Posts: 1,863, Reputation: 514
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    #14

    Oct 15, 2006, 04:33 PM
    You let this man continue to cheat on you. Why? Are you crazy?

    Advice here is simple. Leave this freak show!

    Have you cheated on him? Jst wondering?

    I can't believe you are still with him.

    Maybe you should look at going on Jerry Springer. If you can't see that now is the time to leave this man then maybe he can offer some advice.
    young06's Avatar
    young06 Posts: 11, Reputation: 0
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    #15

    Oct 15, 2006, 04:41 PM
    Everyone here telling you to get rid of him is telling you the right thing you should have got rid of him the first time
    rcboening's Avatar
    rcboening Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Oct 15, 2006, 09:29 PM
    The only reason I never left was cause of the kidz but you are all right I should leave and I will his stuff will be out tommorw when he gets home and I will file for a divorce.thanks for all the advice.
    Skell's Avatar
    Skell Posts: 1,863, Reputation: 514
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    #17

    Oct 15, 2006, 10:56 PM
    No problems.
    Please kep coming here for advice if you wish during what will no doubt be a tough time.

    I also understand that it must have been hard for you to just kick him out considering there were 5 kids involved. But it really isn't healthy for them to have all these dramas either is it?
    Depressed in MO's Avatar
    Depressed in MO Posts: 571, Reputation: 94
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    #18

    Oct 16, 2006, 07:07 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Skell
    You let this man continue to cheat on you. why? are you crazy?

    Advice here is simple. Leave this freak show!

    have you cheated on him? Jst wondering?

    I can't belive you are still with him.

    Maybe you should look at going on Jerry Springer. if you can't see that now is the time to leave this man then maybe he can offer some advice.
    Haha! I was thinking the same thing!
    Wildcat21's Avatar
    Wildcat21 Posts: 3,582, Reputation: 435
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    #19

    Oct 16, 2006, 08:29 AM
    My old saying always rings true - once a cheater, always a cheat - I have NEVER seen it not so - NEVER. Of course the other person will lire and say they've changed - they never do, never do. And the other person can NEVER trust again. Not real great things to continue a relationship on.

    Leave this guy now! What a mess - he never respected you once. You will be so better off without him.
    K_3's Avatar
    K_3 Posts: 304, Reputation: 74
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    #20

    Oct 16, 2006, 08:35 AM
    Wow, he has been a busy man. Yes, it is certainly time to move on. It will be hard with 5 children, but you can get some aid, you may be better off financially. A man with that many children out of your marriage must be paying through his nose as it is. You do not deserve that kind of disrespect. Your children do not need to feel that is normal behavior.

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