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has feelings but doesn't want to commit?
Okay, let me start by saying I have been single for a year, after a 3 1/2 year relationship. After that ended I took my time and didn't have any form of relationship with anyone for a long time... Recently I met this girl and we started hanging out, everything seemed to be going well and I started to really like her, we had a random hook up one night and a couple nights later she decided to tell me she likes me and how it felt good to be with me and what not. The next day she tells me she doesn't want to commit to anything right now, pretty much doesn't want to even think about a relationship or anything of the aspect. Her last relationship ended more recently and it wasn't a good one, so I understand where she's coming from. When we're alone though we can only last so long before we are acting as if we were together... So you know the story, here's my question... How do you remain 'non-commited' when both parties have expressed having feelings? And I don't know how to ask if this is a dead end or if it is actually going somewhere... considering she doesn't know when she'll be ready for anything at all. I just feel stuck, I don't want to stop seeing her, but I'm worried I will develop deeper feelings for nothing. I know I should just let it ride and take its course... any suggestions?
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Date her as in going out, hanging out but avoid going to her place, your place or any where private that can lead from one thing to another. Actually get to know each other more as friends first and see where it goes. Tell her it is all or nothing as far as messing around meaning that you do not want to get emotionally involved with physical stuff when it is not going anywhere. That you want the commitment to a bf/gf relationship before you go any further. |
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I would have a lot of other things to focus on and places to be than with her. She is telling you not to get carried away with the attachment thing, so be aware that she has feelings, sure enough, but she is free to do exactly as she pleases, with whomever she pleases, and so are you. So don't play dumb, or hurt, if that happens. |
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 Originally Posted by talaniman
Exactly! Too often this type of relationship one person is thinking friends with benefits while the other is taking the message the other direction and sees it as they ARE falling for me. They don't keep it up for discussion and the one ends up hurt. So yea, DO NOT go along with things and expect that one thing leads to another and therefore she must have changed her mind. MAKE SURE she has changed her mind and ready for commitment. Do not read things into her taking things to a sex level. Guard your heart from possible later hurt. |
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A relationship needs to have a mutual understanding of what one is looking for. In other words if she is not looking for commitment and you are, you guys are looking for two different things and it might not end up as well. If you are okay with no commitment now, spend more time with her and see where it goes. Don't worry about your feelings, it is not something you should hide but something you should face and embrace. |
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In order for any relationship to work you both have to be on the same page. IF she isn't in the same place that you are. Your wasting your time. Granted she has feelings for you, but apparently not enough to be committed to you. You will save yourself tons of heartache if you don't make her a main focus. The sleeping with each other would have to stop since you can't make it just about that. Only you know what you can tolerate, either keep her as a friend and move on with your life, or stop hanging with her completely if its too hard to keep feelings at bay. Good luck |
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