[alicia_rnh]

There is history of depression and manic depression in my immediate family. I am aged 14 going on 15 in August.

I find it difficult to keep friends for long as I have very sudden irritations with people. Sometimes I feel that my relationships with people are much more complex then what other people my age are experiencing.. whether it is with friends or family.

I do often have a up and down stage, practically every day is just unpredictable.

When I am upset/angry/irritated my right hand tingles painfully and the only thing that can make it stop is if I either self harm or punch something, both not good for me at all. I have also had re-occuring thoughts of committing suicide but as soon as I finally just come to the conclusion my mood with shoot back up into being a bubbly, loud teen.

People describe me as a mess in the head and say that I am cruel towards other people, as I will describe hurting someone so violently and in detail.. whether I am angry or not.

When I'm feeling down I will feel like I am not worth the dirt below my feet and I will have no self confidence and just walk around school with my headphones in and head down. During this stage I either work extremelly quitly and fast or I'm so unconcentrated and just fidget all the time and talk to myself without knowing it. I am also terrible with making decisions.. even of the simplest things like what colour pen I want to use that lesson. I also loose the feeling of needing to sleep and will stay awake until early hours in the morning.

When I'm in an elevated mood I just want to always dance and move around, I fidget a lot and my interest in sex shoots through the roof and I'm always trying to cuddle and kiss people.

I'm worried about what I'm doing because people are beginning to get worried about my sudden changes and think I could do some damage to myself or someone else if I don't get something sorted out.

Sorry about the fact that was so long, I'm very bad with explaining things.
I don't really know where to go to get help, I live in england also if that is any relevance
Your help is appreciated, thank you

[justcurious55]

You may very well be manic depressive but only a dr (psychiatrist or psychologist, I always get the two confused) would be able to properly diagnose you. I would recommend talking to one. My boyfriend was recently diagnosed with a very mild form of manic depression. Now that he's on meds he's much happier and he's able to accomplish more (it used to take him forever to get things done. He would drop classes or fail out. Now he's got straight A's and can handle studying on his own. Things like that. And his moods are more stable. He doesn't snap like he used to). I'm not saying medication will be right for you, but if you're talking to a dr about these things they can help you determine what is the right treatment for you. If you even end up needing treatment