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MusicalHeart2008 · Oct 12, 2006, 08:27 PM

Hi.

Well I guess I should start by saying who I am, what I'm here for, and what I need help with.

It's simple. My Name is Heather Hughes, I'm currently 17 years old, and I am DESPERATELY seeking to find the woman who gave me life. Her name is Susan Perero, Her alias Include Gremillion.

I was born on January 11, 1989 in Tampa Florida, at the Tampa General Hospital. I lived with my bio- moms cousins until the age of 5. At the time I was adopted. My last name used to be Babin.

I was a WARD of the State Of Florida and I was put up for adoption by my foster parents * Moms Cousin* .

I have this huge black hole in my heart and life not knowing the woman who gave me this life. I love this woman so much even though I have NEVER met her. ALl I have is two pics of us when I was 2 years old at Christmas time. She has beautiful dark black long curly hair, and deep brown eyes, with a smile that could blow you away. I've read a letter that was supposed to be given to me but never reached my hands. I recently found it, and I couldn't be more heartbroken. I was never meant to be adopted, but technically speaking my mother didn't have a choice. I was taken away from her and placed with her cousin Debbie. My life was HELL, I've never been so mistreated in my life. It wasn't until I was 5 that I had the life I had always wanted. A loving family, Mother and Father, and two of the goofiest older brothers ever! Don't get me wrong I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE my family. They are my life. But a part of me longs to see the lady who I dream of, the lady who's tummy I was rested for 9 months, The lady who was blessed with the life of a child. She's missed so much of me growing up and I'm almost 18 . About ready to graduate high school Its so close it scares me. I'm on a junior, but senior pics soon have to be taken to be ready for the year book of my senior year.

I miss her terribly and my heart aches uncontrobally. I just want to hold the woman who gave me life. To hold her close, to smell her scent, and to ask her all the questions I have to ask.

If anyone can help me. PLEASE , let me know. My adoptive mom knows that I want to find her.

I want to meet her so bad it hurts. She even stated in the letter she wanted to see me. Mind you this was very very long ago. But I know that she still loves me and wants to meet me.

Signed Sincerely,
Heather

Fr_Chuck · Oct 13, 2006, 09:10 AM

Look up the last name of your cousins and your own original last name.

Pull up a list of all of the people in the FL area with that last name, start calling them and asking about anyone speicific you may remember or who you are looking for.

** There are dozens of adoption matching sites, try and post on all of them.

But women marry, and re-marry and are a lot harder to find than men are

grannynan · Oct 13, 2006, 11:42 AM

Hi Heather, I like to research things on the computer, and recently I found the long-lost family of a man in my church. He had died estranged from his family and had changed his name upon moving to our community. Anyway, I found them, in Tampa FL of all places, which caught my eye when reading your letter.

I researched and found several Susan Perero's and Susan Gremillion's. It seems likely that your mother is Susan R (Rae?) Perero, age 47, and that she not only lived in the Tampa area but also in Louisianna, around the Baton Rouge, New Orleans, area, and/or in Pass Christian MS area (that is near New Orleans). Does any of that fit? Do you know if her middle name is Rae, or if it starts with an R? Do you know if she is 47?

The 2 addresses listed for her in Tampa are:
12611 Touchton Dr
5907 Santa Fe River Drive

You might try a reverse address look up (I used it in finding the family of my church friend) and find the phone number of the people that live there now. They might know something that would help you.

I would caution you against paying any af the sites online that charge to find people. You and the good people that are on the askmehelpdesk could probably find out as much for free. Much of the info you would pay for is out dated and of no use to you.

Do you have a cell phone or access to one? You will use a lot of minutes, but call the Perero's and Gremillion's you find in Florida and Louisianna. Have a written list of well thought out questions to ask. LIke, "Do you know a Susan Perero? Do you know anyone that you think might know her? Do you have their phone number? What town do they live in?" If they know her, " Where was she when you last knew of her? Where was she working? Was she with someone? Who? Did she marry? What was his name?" You get the idea.

If you think of any other clues, post them and I'll see what I can find.

Granny Nan

cuppycake · Nov 9, 2006, 11:18 AM

Hi I read your question and I have some advise not that I now this will be helpful or not...
You need to fink hard about this and talk to your parents about finding your mom and see if they mind.
The best place to find her is to go back in your trails and journeys you say you lived with your because well maybe she/he can sort you out? If you know where she is then go for it. But you have to remember not to go full into it and keep calm if you do, I think you should at least ring her and maybe invite her over if you can find her number
If your because can't find out her address or number or can't get in touch with her then I think you should go to your foster home and see if they can help you out good luck :D xx

jrussole · Dec 7, 2006, 05:35 PM

I will be able to help you when you reach maturation of 18 years of age.

It is not legal to assist a minor. I am an adoption search angel. So if you consider this answer creepy than it is your prerogative.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 7, 2006, 06:03 PM

I will add after some thought, no you don't love her, you love a idea or a though you have created, This person would have always known where you were and if she wanted to have contact with you, she would have.

She gave birth to you, the family that raised you are your real parents, and it is they who need and should be getting all your love and respect.

And you can't miss her, since you never knew her and don't know her.

And you are putting way too much hope and too much need for a relationship that may never be. You may find her and she put a restraining order on you not to contact her again,

She may spit on you and curse you.

You merely assume that some wonderful family relationship will poof out of no where. It is not going to happen, most reunions are not those happy things you see on Opah at times, most turn out badly,

Many people have started a new life and when you turn up, you upset that life, nw people in her life my not even know about you,

So please consider some counseling if you have such strong feelings, since you are setting yourself up for some very bad reality if you are not realistic in this

jrussole · Dec 7, 2006, 06:50 PM

You see I simply do not agree with your reply Fr. Sorry. She has imagined this person who gave life to her, virtually all of her life. Advising negativity, especially to a minor can't be a wise decision. It is her search. It is her journey. We all wonder as adoptees. God may have a wonderus experience for her to find. And then again, sometimes not so wonderus, but informative. Helpful for her future. Please don't crumble her dream. Its her dream. And she owns it.

jrussole · Dec 30, 2006, 07:26 AM

MusicalHeart, I can certainly understand your feelings- because I have been there. I wish I was able to help you in some small way. And if you were 18-21 years of age, I would be able to provide you assistance. (It depends upon what state you live in and where you were adopted, for example as far as age requirements). But it is illegal to assist a minor. And I do not know about Florida laws pertaining to such a search and find.
My suggestion to you would be is to find out if it was a public or private adoption. If it was public, than an adoption agency can be contacted. You can receive your non id information from them, through your adoptive parents. Non id means that there maybe information for you about your birth family. Your parents can also request information from a state registry, if there is one in your state, that is? It maybe difficult for you to approach your parents about your feelings. It could hurt their feelings for example. But you have a right to settle these feelings that you are experiencing. It sometimes is difficult for an adoptee to not know where they came from. It is important that you tell your parents about these feelings. And hope that they understand that you have many questions and concerns. I hope they don't get defensive with your rights to know. In years to come, for example- knowing your medical information and history may become a very important aspect of your life. Your real parents are the ones that have raised you and loved you all of your life. Your birth mother was the one that loved you first. And probably made the choice for you to go and live with your parents because they could provide more than she could at the time. Love, commitment, stability are what every mother wishes for her child. Especially/Probably, the first one. One does not replace the other. It only helps you understand you, far better.

Sahuaro · Jan 3, 2007, 02:01 PM

How old is your mother? Or how old was she when she had you?

FeelSoNumbZombie · Jan 19, 2007, 09:40 AM

Please do not listen to any negative people in this world. Especially being an adoptee, finding your birth family, or the what if's.
You are an adult. Your birth mother and father are an adults. He/she maybe searching for you. And it is up to you and your belief system to decided what is best for you and your first family and to search for him/her. There have been many happy reunion's. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
There is an adoptee support group: Yahoo! Groups as well as many others. You can do a browser search on the yahoogroups.com website and or googlegroups.com website.
May I suggest you start of there. It is very helpful to share your experiences as well as read other's experiences who have undergone the same things that you yourself have undergone. I have. And receive support and assistance in your search process.
Also, most adoptees decide to register with www.adoption.com. If there birthfamily is searching for them, in all likelihood they have registered there as well. Just leave a current and update email address. Because it may take time and you don't want to miss the opportunity by not having an active email address if he/she does try to find you.
There are many support groups for adoptees as well as birth mothers, and adoptive parents. More and more adoptive parents are realizing the necessity of knowing and having good communication with their child's first parents. It is no longer taboo. And open adoptive the mainstream today.
Please check at the Yahoo! Groups site and put in adoption in the browser search. Select a group that will assist you in your state or the state of where the adult adoptee was born. You will see how many people are in the same situation as you are in. Not everyone is negative about adoption. Some are, and you have to feel sorry for them.
But I am sure you have lived quite long enough to realize there are people out there that just want to discourage you. Discourage you from wondering, discourage you from searching yourself, discourage you from your getting your information, discourage you from searching and reunion.
Everyone is different. Everyone's path in life is different. You may just find your first family waiting for the past x years to find you. Please do not let anyone make you feel that you do not have any rights to search for him/her and find out if they are willing to reunite and or speak with you. He/She is an adult now. You are an adult now. And you and they can make up there own mind. There are millions of adoptees such as yourself searching and seeking a reunion. There are millions of birth mothers that are searching and seeking a reunion.
Get the support that is long overdue with a support group. Register with www.adoption.com, you never know if she/he is desperate to find you. Register with ISRR, International Soundex Reunion Registry, ISRR . com , Index of Search and Reunion Resources. And find out if there is a State run registry were the you were born or if you can register with them.
Again, he/she maybe waiting for you to register. And maybe not. But you never know until you find out yourself. You have a right to find out. I have.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 19, 2007, 10:30 AM

Please understand one is not negative if one faces all the truths and possible outcomes. The person who is expecting too much ( which is for to commom) and finds the real truth is broken beyond repair far to often.

If they want to search knowing that the reunions go both ways, with the negative reunion far more common than the great fun ones, OK, but they need to be honest about what they my find.

FeelSoNumbZombie · Jan 24, 2007, 08:26 AM

Making general assumptions is irrelavent to the search process. Every family is different. Every individual's choice is different. I am sorry that you, Fr. Chuck must have had a terrible outcome in your search and find outcome. Most of us, just want our own answers and deserve them. I will pray for you, that you find your own peace of mind-one day. If a person does not have access to their vital records, how can they call it vital. If an adoptee is always considered a child by American laws, how can they ever grow up? Have you ever researched Erikson's Actuality? If you have than you know what a professional thought of the concept. Erikson was an adoptee. And he knew had a very different philosophy than yourself.