Insercurity about sex

dawn50620 · Jun 23, 2009, 07:16 PM

Hello,
My boyfriend had a Tramanic experience with his ex wife about sex and now he is really insercure about sex and he says sex doesn't even phase him anymore. How can I get him out of this state of mind or is it possible? :confused: I just don't understand what do to do about this issue... please help...

Ladyviper · Jun 23, 2009, 07:34 PM

Talk to him about it, allowing him to open up may help him. There are sexual therapists that may be able to help too. I would say pace yourself and don't make him feel pressured, let him know it is okay to take your time and not rush.

It may be a deeper problem too, it could be a porn addiction or even an inability to ejaculate during intercourse, rather than masturbation. It may be an issue with keeping an erection, stamina, premature ejaculation, or a health issue causing sexual dysfunction. There are a number of things that could cause him to have a traumatic experience.

I wish · Jun 23, 2009, 08:25 PM

Counselling. Sounds like he needs professional help.

mudweiser · Jun 23, 2009, 08:32 PM

I have to agree with wish. Sometime talking to you about it isn't enough.

Seek a couples councilor or even a sex therapist for help. If that is too costly the next best thing would be self help books for people whom need help with re-discovering their sexual self again.

Support him and let him know you are there for him.

Most importantly: Do not push him to have sex with you.

Sarah

flayvur · Jun 23, 2009, 08:34 PM

My, GOD what did she do to him!! Whatever it was he need to talk about it and get help.

dawn50620 · Jun 24, 2009, 08:09 PM

Originally Posted by Ladyviper

Talk to him about it, allowing him to open up may help him. There are sexual therapists that may be able to help too. I would say pace yourself and don't make him feel pressured, let him know it is okay to take your time and not rush.

It may be a deeper problem too, it could be a porn addiction or even an inability to ejaculate during intercourse, rather than masturbation. It may be an issue with keeping an erection, stamina, premature ejaculation, or a health issue causing sexual dysfunction. There are a number of things that could cause him to have a traumatic experience.

Thanks for the advice but its not any of the deeper problems that you mentioned. I should have been more specific. Well this is the situatuion. He came home from work one day and she had her nighty on and candles lite all over the house, said the kids was at the sitter and so they went and did there thing and after it was done. She said how did you like " Curts" seconds, which was a guy that worked with her. They were married for 13 years. He has been to therapists about this and the whole situtaion but it did not do him any good in this situation, it helped with the separation thing but not sexual,he said he still has flashbacks about the situation. Therefore low self esteem about himself, sexualy.

Add your answer here.