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jenniepepsi · Jun 20, 2009, 12:15 PM

my daughter is 5. and she is so very friendly and out going and I really am glad about that. But we will be at the store or at the park, and she will walk up to random adults and just start talking away! It really worries me! She starts school in August this year! All her life I have been with her, I'm a stay at home mom and always have been/will be. And I'm here NOW to keep her safe and supervise her.

but no matter HOW many times and how many difffrent ways I tell her that its NOT SAFE to talk to strangers, she says 'ok mommy' and then goes off and does it again!

could any of you more experienced parents or childcare givers give me any kind of advice on how to put a stop to this? I have tried time outs for ignoring this rule, grounding, spankings, loss of snacks and other treats. I just don't know what to try anymore.

jenniepepsi · Jun 22, 2009, 10:01 AM

Its been a couple days, wanted to try one more to get any advise :) so. Bump.

DoulaLC · Jun 24, 2009, 08:00 AM

At 5 it is difficult because they just don't understand the reasoning... for very long anyway. You can tell them something and they will nod in agreement, but then 2 hours later it has completely left their little brain... :)

Cause and effect is a difficult concept without prior experience. She can understand that if you forget your coat you might get cold, but not that if you say hi to someone you don't know that you could get hurt.

It is a fine line between wanting them to be polite but aware, and being terrified that everyone is a potential threat to them.

For now all you can do is supervise and continue to have talks now and then. When she is at school, she will be supervised as well and there will be little opportunity for her to converse with a stranger.

As she gets older she will develop a better understanding. You will find that she will gradually behave differently... while still friendly, she will have more of a natural awareness. This is how we know when to slowly let the line out for our kids to give them a little more freedom as they gain more responsibility and maturity.

Hope that helps at least a little bit... :)

jenniepepsi · Jun 24, 2009, 08:40 AM

That did help hon. Thanks I understand it a little better. I've never done the 'school thing' before so I wasn't sure if the kindergardeners were just 'let loose' like the older kids are. I guess they don't though. The kinders are escorted and watched ALL the time. So that's good.

Thanks hon. That makes me feel better. At least I know its not my fault she is this way hehe .

MsMewiththat · Jun 24, 2009, 09:13 AM

The other thing to add here is while in school there will be some additional education and awareness brought to her attention. They do teach, good touch, bed touch and stranger danger.
If you have read any of my other posts in regards to how I raised my 15 year old... I have always gone a little over the top. It worked for us, but is not always recommended. I had my son watch differenent stories or news stories in regards to children that disappeared and how sad it is and was. Five is not too early in my opinion and it's scary and you don't want her to grow callus or fearful to the world. However, it's not such a bad idea to get her to be aware some how. You have to feel her out and give her as much as you think she can handle. I go very hard and over the top with my son and it's because I want him to be the VERY BEST MAN that he can possibly be. I want him to avoid some of the unnecessary pain that there is in life. People that were trusted and things that my parents didn't want to bother me with or things that they didn't think would or could happen, that sometimes left me vulnerable. Your daughter by nature is friendly arm her with what she needs to know so that she doesn't end up burned. I say that because it would be sad for someone to come along and change that very thing that you love about her. Not everyone is going to agree with my style, but again it has worked for us... my main message is communication. Talk to her and make her aware.

jenniepepsi · Jun 24, 2009, 09:19 AM

I DO go over the top about sexual abuse with her, I think because I was raped when I was 11 it made me really sensitive and I really Don't want her to go through that. But at the same time I don't want to terrify the life out of her you know?

MsMewiththat · Jun 24, 2009, 10:52 AM

I know. I completely get it. I just look at what is happening out here in the world and I know two things. My son is my life and I would struggle if anything happened to him. He is irreplaceable and I would hate to have something happen that I didn't tell him to watch out for. I would hate for someone to violate him and have them put out that bright light that he has all while teaching him that it does happened to other people and so he should perhaps be compassionate towards others because you never know what someone else is going through. So I go over the top. Take it at her speed...

321543 · Jun 24, 2009, 11:51 AM

One thing to keep in mind is school location.
My wife and I moved just so our children could grow up in a better place . After all is the money, cars, and homes really worth it when it comes to the needs of your kids . It still worked out for us .
The school system has policies that protect our kids, from strangers they don't know.