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I wish · Sep 18, 2009, 07:27 AM

When your girlfriend tells you that she likes another guy, read the lines in between: "I don't like you anymore".

She knows that by telling you that she likes another guy, it will push you away or even lead to a breakup. It's just another way of telling you that her feelings have changed and she's moved on.

Furthermore, if you feel like she still wants to be with you, regardless of her feelings for another guy, it just means that she's keeping you around as he backup. If it doesn't work out with this new guy, she can always come crying back to you. Is that what you want? To be her safety net? If she ever comes back to you, who knows when she will find someone else and use you as her backup plan again.

Why put yourself through this? Accept her change of feelings. Remember the good times that you had, learn from this experience and move forward with your life. Don't go backwards.

snippy07 · Sep 18, 2009, 07:42 AM

It's just all so confusing to me, why would she still tell me she loves me. She was also crying quite a bit when she told me this. I just don't understand. Women are so confusing (no offense to any women who post on here :P)

talaniman · Sep 18, 2009, 07:50 AM

Yes they are confusing, but she is doing her best to gently push you away. Help her by leaving her alone, and give her what she wants. A life without you. The confusion always follows a break up, but healing, and getting a life you enjoy without her, will clear ALL that confusion.

I wish · Sep 18, 2009, 07:51 AM

If she wanted you back, she would have told you by now. Her confusion is boiling over to you. By talking to her, you will be even more confused.

Please follow the no contact rules:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

Leave her alone so that both of you can heal from this break up. Healing should be your priority, not sorting out the confusion. That would be counter-healing.

snippy07 · Sep 18, 2009, 07:55 AM

I haven't broke the NC rules yet, it's just tempting, but anytime I get a urge to text her I just text somebody else. I wish girls would just be honest instead of not trying to hurt guys. I much rather hear the honest truth even if it hurts, because not knowing hurts more.

kctiger · Sep 18, 2009, 07:56 AM

She was honest enough to tell you she likes another guy. That should be motive enough to walk away and never look back. I am not sure what the confusing part is. Seems to me she has made it clear you two are over.

I wish · Sep 18, 2009, 08:04 AM

She was honest by telling you that she feel for another guy.

Furthermore, she can't completely change her feelings about you overnight. The feelings diminishes over time. In other words, she can't love you one day and not love you the next day. The feelings goes away gradually.

However, she did recognize that her feelings for you have diminished to the point that she no longer wants a relationship with you anymore. And then she left you know. She didn't even have to mention the other guy to you, but she did. That's pretty honest and direct to me.

snippy07 · Sep 18, 2009, 08:09 AM

I know, but I want to know why she likes another guy now, and I want to know why she still loves me, but likes another guy. I forgot to add she also said she didn't want to date this guy. I got no idea if she was just saying that or if it's true. But it's probably not relevant.

amicon · Sep 18, 2009, 08:31 AM

After a break up it shouldn't be relevant what they meant by what they said even if Im sure most of us have wondered on occasion.You re handling this well I think and I wish you all the best.

snippy07 · Sep 18, 2009, 06:43 PM

Well I went through the day with NC. Thanks to the help of friends going to the beach and playing pool and just hanging out. I'm going to try and just take it one day at a time. I work the next 4 days so that will keep me somewhat busy too

Wondergirl · Sep 18, 2009, 06:55 PM

Originally Posted by snippy07

It's just all so confusing to me, why would she still tell me she loves me. She was also crying quite a bit when she told me this. I just don't understand. Women are so confusing (no offense to any women who post on here :P)

Girls are taught from birth to be pleasers and not hurt anyone's feelings on purpose. By telling you about the other guy and that she wants to be with him (or doesn't want to be with you any longer), that information was hard for her to spit out because it flies in the face of how a woman is supposed to behave. She was crying for herself because of the bad news she had to deliver to you. Girls are taught to be friends with and nice to everyone--"sugar and spice and everything nice, that's what little girls are made of."

snippy07 · Sep 20, 2009, 10:33 AM

So I just found out that my ex has cheated on me for 2 months... she told me she only liked the guy for 2 days.

I can't believe she would do that because she has been cheated on and her mom was cheated on by her dad. Amazing how people act.. wow

Cat1864 · Sep 20, 2009, 11:11 AM

Originally Posted by snippy07

So i just found out that my ex has cheated on me for 2 months... she told me she only liked the guy for 2 days.

I can't believe she would do that because she has been cheated on and her mom was cheated on by her dad. Amazing how people act.. wow

It is very common for people who grew up seeing the effects of cheating to turn around and be cheaters. Sometimes, it is because they don't trust that their partner can stay faithful and they decide to get in the first shot. Sometimes, it is because they get into a relationship and don't know how to get out of it. Sometimes, it is a way to sabotage the relationship and prove to themselves that there is a reason for their low self-esteem.

As far as I can tell from your posts, she left the relationship when she said that she was not good enough. The change in attitude was a huge give-away that her feelings were changing. She stayed as long as she did to try to find a way not to hurt you.

CanIBuyAClue · Sep 20, 2009, 01:47 PM

And so you have your answer, she is not good enough for you. Now move on and find somebody worthy enough to love you for you.

snippy07 · Sep 21, 2009, 09:09 PM

So.. I'm doing pretty good so far ever since I found out she cheated on me for 2 months. I'm just hanging out with my friend. And this girl at work seems to be interested in me, I think. I'm not to sure how to tell when a girl sees interest in you.

She wants me to go to her HS football game she is a senior. I'm in college for the first year. Her boyfriend just broke up with her like 2 weeks ago. And when she found out my girlfriend broke up with me (she found out today). We just talked a lot at work and I asked for her number. She commented me on myspace/facebook she wants to hang out this weekend whenever I'm off work. So I texted her saying yea that would be good blah blah. And we talked for like 20 min on the phone.

Anybody think she's into me? Or wants to just get to know me more or just be friends?

I know I didn't give a lot of details so it may be hard to tell from your perspective.

Also do you guys think I'm moving to fast with my feelings from my previous ex. It's only been like 4-5 days I think. Once I found out she cheated though I felt really pissed off, but it seems easiar to get over I think.

friend4u178 · Sep 21, 2009, 09:35 PM

You should take some time to heal before you even think about getting in a new Relationship , otherwise this just becomes a Rebound which is not healthy for you and not fair on the other person as your just using them to ease your pain.

See Below for a definition of Rebound Relationship...

Following a painful romantic break-up, some people enter into a new relationship almost immediately, often with less-than-stellar results.

Dating too soon after an emotionally charged break-up is known as a rebound relationship, and is almost always considered a bad idea for all parties involved.

A person in a rebound relationship may have great difficulty distinguishing between the old romantic partner and the new one, for instance.
Whenever a romantic relationship ends, whether amicably or painfully, both parties should allow themselves to go through a real grieving process before pursuing new relationships. In essence, there has been a "death" of a valued relationship, and few people can recover from such an injury in only a few days or weeks.

While the prospect of dating someone new, especially someone who has been kept off-limits during the old relationship, may sound like a cure, a rebound relationship rarely, if ever, ends well.

Another problem with a rebound relationship is motivation. Some people who feel victimized or humiliated by a bad breakup may feel the need to start a new relationship simply to prove they are indeed over the old one.

Some rebound relationships are primarily directed at former partners, either in an effort to generate feelings of jealousy or to remind them of what they gave up. Neither tactic is a particularly healthy reason to pursue a rebound relationship, and the new partner is not always as understanding or conspiratorial as one might hope.

There are times when a person may feel he or she has fully recovered from a break-up and is truly prepared to re-enter the dating scene, but this may be a premature assessment. If a new relationship starts too soon after a painful break-up, the new partner may become little more than a sounding board for all of the negatives intended for the former partner. Constant comparisons to a former boyfriend or girlfriend can be a sign of an unhealthy rebound relationship, as well as the careful avoidance of almost all dating venues associated with the former relationship.

Because there will almost inevitably be a new relationship following the dissolution of an old one, it is important to recognize the difference between a new healthy relationship and an unhealthy rebound relationship.

Much like a widow or widower, a spurned partner may want to establish a reasonable hiatus from dating until he or she is emotionally ready.

Personal counseling may also help prevent someone from entering into a shallow or unhealthy rebound relationship until his or her self-esteem has been fully restored.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to seek out companionship following a painful break-up, but you owe it to yourself and your new partner to make sure the new relationship is based in reality, not a ghost in the machine.

Source: wiseGEEK: clear answers for common questions

talaniman · Sep 22, 2009, 06:39 AM

Anybody think she's into me? Or wants to just get to know me more or just be friends?

Doesn't make any difference right now. The real question is your own motives, for your own actions. This is where you learn to be honest with yourself, and act accordingly.

snippy07 · Sep 25, 2009, 08:30 AM

So I have kept it NC. And my ex just emailed me last night saying...

I don't know how to move on.
Everyone tells me Im better off without you, that I should be happy.

Im not better off and Im not happy.

I feel like telling her "well you shouldn't have cheated and i'm assuming the other guy didnt work out, well im not going to be your second option"

But I'll probably just not say anything... what do you guys think?

kctiger · Sep 25, 2009, 08:32 AM

Leave it alone and don't respond. She is searching for some sort of reaction and attention. She is better off without you? Isn't she the one that chetaed? Tells you what kind of friends she has.

As a matter of fact, I would block her emails from your account so you aren't reading the line of garbage she sends you.

The hardest part of NC is actually not responding to something they send you, because they eventually ARE going to contact you.

Cat1864 · Sep 25, 2009, 08:34 AM

Silence can speak louder than any words.

You are doing what you need to move forward. Don't worry about her.

Good job on keeping up with the NC.