[monkey244]

Hi everybody..
This is my first question.. and probably the last.. this has been driving me crazy and I need help..
Im 19 years old girl ( I know I'm still a kid ) and I've been dateing a guy who is 4 years older than I'm for almost 3 years now
The first year was great he was everything I ever wanned in a guy … out only problem was that we couldn't see each other all the time once or twice a week (since he was in college and I was a senior in high school , other than the fact that my family didn’t like him very much ) one night I called and guess what a girl answered he told me that she was a friend and I knew that he was lying but I went along with the whole thing later on I confronted him and everything became OK
The second year I told him that I was going to study abroad but he didn’t take me seriously till I started my freshmen year in college by time he started nagging that he wants me to come back and that he misses me so much and blah blah blah luckily he couldn't wait and even though he couldn’t afford coming to the county I study in he came for 2 days! Those 2 days were amazing and so far so good even though he suspected that I was cheating on ( I did hang out with guys friends but I never cheated on him and I had a small crush on one of them but you know how it is )
The third year  during this year he cheated on me 3 times ( lucky me ha ? ) once when I was abroad his lady called and asked who the hell I was.. I broke up with him but we were back in one week after he assured me that nothing happened ( and for some reason I didn’t care If something did happen or not you know I didn’t care :S ) second time when I was home another bimbo called and apparently she was his friends girlfriend and thought that his phone was her bfs and as you people can tell this is another big huge lie ( also I didn’t give a ) third time one of my friends told me that he is seeing some whore ( again I didn’t care ) I'vent talked to him in 2 weeks now and he didn’t call ( he is being suborned thinking that I'll give in and call him ( childish I know ) ) I miss him but I'm not feeling anything I'm not hurt I'm not nothing and to be honest I'm starting to forget that he ever existed in my life !
Now my questions are did I love him or I thought I did ?
If I don’t mind him cheating on me since I know that it is only for sex does it mean that I don’t love him ?
Does he love me ?
Am I stupid ot thought that I was love blinded ?
p.s: please I don’t want anyone to mention the whole if he cheats on you once he'll do it again because he did and as you guys can see I was OK with it :S
Thanks everyone

[talaniman]

The problem is not with him, its you being so willing to accept bad behavior. That's not love, but low self esteem, and the false hope that he will someday change. Your love for him is not healthy, as it over rules good common sense, and stops you from loving yourself.

His cheating, is not a show of love for you in any way.

[monkey244]

First of all thank you for your answer :)
I wish I could tell you that you are the first to tell me that I've a low self esteem but you are not
And I wish I could tell you that you are right but you are not I don't have a low self esteem I'm a very confident person I'm great inside and out people love me lool
And I never thought that he could change because when I fell in love with him I knew that he was kind of bad boy and I believe that boys will be boys and that they don't change unless they want to you know
People usually tell me that I've a good heart could this be the reason ?
I really appreciate your answer
Again thank u

[sweet1028]

I have been in your same situation. I'm 19 too, and we somewhat think alike. My fiancée cheated on me in the first year that we were together. I was already in love with him, and even though I was 15 at the time, it felt right and I knew it was love. But when he cheated it broke me into a thousand pieces, when you said it didn't bother you, maybe it wasn't love at all. Because when a man doesn't care enough about you to go and cheat on you with another girl, it should hurt you in some way. However, when we broke up over the cheating we did get back together and he has been better than ever. He hasn't cheated since because he did not want to lose me. Once a cheater always a cheater does not apply in my situation, but in yours if he keeps doing it then it does apply there. I hope that you can find a man that will treat you the way that you are supposed to be treated and then when you do fall in love, you will know it.

[monkey244]

Thank you very much for your answer
Well... I do love him and guess what he finally called after one whole month of stubbornness ( from both of us ) when he realized that I was serious and that this time there is no coming back he pegged me :) and I win and I'm on the top now.. he just realized that I'm the sunshine of his life and guess what ! For the first time ever in 3 years he kissed me on the forehead.. which is a good thing :) I don't know I know that I'm not making sense now but hopefully everything is going to be all right...