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Asher · Oct 9, 2006, 05:10 PM

Hello everyone. I've been a lurker here for days and decided to come clean with my own personal problems. I think that I'm a complex case so I hope you can deal with my lengthy post.

Basically.. I've been living in isolation from just about everyone and everything for about four to five years now. I'm currently a 17 year-old senior in high school. I look like an average Asian guy and I don't have that much friends at school. I never go outside because I'm usually on the computer checking out daily news, playing competitive games, watching shows and talking to my "internet friends".

I've been doing this ever since I graduated elementary, maybe even earlier, and I'm starting to feel the after-effects: feeling extremely lonely, depressed, and isolated from a harsh reality. When people start talking about movie quotes and entertainment, I end up being the left over from the group because I have no idea where that idea is from. That's how isolated from the outside I am. I don't even know good movies, I'm slowly fixing my taste in music because I was infatuated with trippy Japanese music before, I don't understand the size, distance and names of the towns in my county, I don't know how to drive to some far places, and I don't know much about society's urban dictionary.

During school, I just let every single day because time goes by so fast. I tend to stray from large groups of people because I can't stand large groups and I constantly feel like someone is pointing fun at me. However, when I end up with a group of people, most of the time, I'm dead silent and probably don't understand what they're talking about. I put in a small laugh or comment, but I feel like I'm contributing absolutely nothing because nothing really escalates from me. Dating.. One may ask. I've been a failure with girls for my entire life. I just feel like I'm not confident enough to talk with a very pretty girl or any girl as a matter of fact.

I was even close to asking a girl who shares some common interests with me.. however, she ended up with someone else a few days before my first attempt at asking out. We weren't really good friends in the first place because I couldn't keep a conversation with her up in my semester class.. Maybe she really did like me.. who knows. I just feel like I'm ignorant, lacking self-confidence, paranoid, and afraid. I just wished I knew an answer or something because it's making me quite sad and I can't stand crying on occasions because of my miserable failures with people.

Am I not good enough?
Am I supposed to change?

I hope you understand.. thank you.

Dph

JoeCanada76 · Oct 9, 2006, 05:25 PM

First of all,

One question?

Are you an american?

As far as feeling isolated or do not relate to others. Do you really believe you're the only one that may feel that way?

There are many people who feel the same way as you do. If you try to change, or start acting or behaving like other people just to fit in, I will tell you that if your not truly that person, it will back fire on you and make you feel even worse.

Never change yourself for other people, change yourself for yourself. You do not have confidence and it shows. It will not always be like that. It is normal to go through this in the teenager years.

I never really had many friends eighter. I was different. I was not in the in crowd. I had my own ideas, thoughts and feelings and I did not want to be part of the majority because quite honestly the majority was not what I wanted to be around anyway.

It is not failures with people. What it is, is that these people that you know are not really what you want to be around anyway. You may not see that now, but do you really think that the latest movies or music is the most important thing in life knowing. The answer I tell you is NO.

God
Family
Friends

And so on.

That is my list. Now what you should do is make a list of top to bottom what is important to youi and reflect that in your life.

Many people who have tons of friends are insecure and worse off than you are.

Most of these people with tons of friends do they really turn out to be friends the answer is NO.

So it is better to have just one good friend then more; in my opinion. Please focus on people and situations and hobbies that make you happy and everything else will fall in place.

What do you want to do, would you volunteer. Do something that will be rewarding and you will see things turn around in the way you look at the world.

Joe

beautifuldiva · Oct 9, 2006, 05:33 PM

Ummm wow... first things first boy.. YOU NEED SOCIALIZATION SKILLS!

To answer you questions, no and NOOOOO

Please never ever feel you are not good enough for people.. and how do you know this anyway, you never give yourself the chance to be??

And the reason it seems you are striking out with girls is because you already have it in your head that the girl isn't going to like you. Girls LOVE confidence in a man... it drives us wild lol ;) And sitting at home all day and not putting yourself out there is never going to help you with this issue!

Sounds like you need some self readjusting... Do some soul searching. Having isolated yourself for all these years you need to find out who you are and what you have to offer to the world and your friends and a relationship!! And believe me you'll be surprised at how much is there!

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!! And if you think that, you'll lose before you even try! You just need a little nudging and some self confidence!

Oh and once you read the advice which I'm sure many wonderful people in here are going to give you, YOU SHOULD GO AND APPLY IT RIGHT AWAY!
Lol because aren't you doing the very thing you are complainng about (sitting in front of a computer screen) lol

As far as the paranoia and fear.. the world is not a bad place if you know where you stand in it and know that you have something wonderful to contribute to it.. i.e. yourself! Lol

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

What do you want to do, would you volunteer. Do something that will be rewarding and you will see things turn around in the way you look at the world.

Excellent point. I was thinking the same.

Asher · Oct 9, 2006, 05:57 PM

Jesuselper:
Yes, I currently reside in the United States.

Thank you so much for the insightful reply. Before, I watched a small clip of Thom Yorke stating how not cool it is to be heavily influenced and marketed by useless things, such as peer pressure in our society.

I think that I'm a lot more mature than others. Maybe I can do something worthwhile if I put my head to it. I never thought about that before.. music, movies and television getting in the way of what's really important.

I guess I can stick to who I truly am right now.

Beautifuldiva:
Yeah.. I definitely need a lot of help regarding socialization skills. . _.
I feel like I lost them right after elementary school.. I just can't do anything spectacular in that topic.

I really can't manage most of the time. I need more work in that as well.. Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to be more confident and put myself out there..

Gillion · Oct 9, 2006, 06:03 PM

Originally Posted by Asher

Jesuselper:
Yes, I currently reside in the United States.

Thank you so much for the insightful reply. Before, I watched a small clip of Thom Yorke stating how not cool it is to be heavily influenced and marketed by useless things, such as peer pressure in our society.

I think that I'm a lot more mature than others. Maybe I can do something worthwhile if I put my head to it. I never thought about that before.. music, movies and television getting in the way of what's really important.

I guess I can stick to who I truly am right now.

Beautifuldiva:
Yeah.. I definitely need a lot of help regarding socialization skills. ._.
I feel like I lost them right after elementary school.. I just can't do anything spectacular in that topic.

I really can't manage most of the time. I need more work in that as well.. Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to be more confident and put myself out there..

Are you of "Japanese" ancestry ?

Asher · Oct 9, 2006, 06:05 PM

Gillion:
No, I'm a Filipino who looks more Asian than Spanish.

beautifuldiva · Oct 9, 2006, 06:06 PM

You never will if you don't think you can...
Stop wondering and get your foot out the door kiddo!
This is definitely going to take some initiative on your part
The world isn't going to adapt to you, you have to adapt to the world around you
Just believe in yourself

Gillion · Oct 9, 2006, 06:09 PM

Originally Posted by Asher

Gillion:
No, I'm a Filipino who looks more Asian than Spanish.

What is your primary goal in life ?

Asher · Oct 9, 2006, 06:13 PM

Originally Posted by Gillion

What is your primary goal in life ?

Mainly to succeed.
I can't fail.

cbmb · Oct 9, 2006, 07:09 PM

Someone close to me said something profound which I think is worth repeating. "It's a hard way to live thinking that other people know more than you do." In other words the world and the way it responds to you is too volatile to react to/be affected by. You need to believe in yourself, make your own decisions, develop your own set of beliefs, and stick by it. You want to succeed? Then be strong and stand by what you believe in.. most of all, yourself and the right people will come to you.