[Melhoneybee]

Hello, I have a problem that I would like help on and I was wondering if anyone had any advice or useful information that they could give to me. Its gone on too long and any support is greatly appreciated.

A couple of months ago, I was in a play and a few weeks before the show ended I befriended a cast member. He was really nice to me and very sweet caring and kind. On our last performance nights he invited me out to get tea with his friend (who is a girl he really likes) On the way there and back he was really nice and friendly. He was always wanting to speak to me and share jokes and laugh. And I think due to this I started to fancy him, which I know sounds really stupid. Before the last show ended we swapped email adresses and When it did end I emailed him to say thank you for everything and thank you for making me laugh. He replied saying it was no problem and he was congratulating me about stuff and to be honest I just felt so special that someone as old as him took an interest in me.

One day he suddenly blurted out to me that he was suffering from depression. I never asked to know he just told me and that he flet he had to tell someone. He said he was sorry to unload on me but he felt that I was a generally nice and trustworthy person. At the time I didn't exactly know what to say or do at the time but I stood by him and supported him. I couldn't actually believe he was depressed. He was so happy and cheerful and such a fun person to be around. I told him about the tough relationship problems Im having with my father and he helped me with that.

So our friendship continued and we swapped numbers and basically just kept intouch. I found out he was very into poetry, (another secret that he had been keepping from everyone) I advised him on poems to send the girl he really liked and stuff. Day by day though I found myself fancying him. I found myself growing attached to him, worrying about him, missing him when I'd just seen him. I found myself growing in love with him.

He kept telling me his troubles, I kept helping him and day by day I started to fancy him more and more. Yes I have fancied people but never ever like this. It's a total new feeling. When he walked past me used to wink to me and I used to smile and as this happened I used to feel my knees weaken and my stomach tip over with adoration at the loveable person he was. I couldn't care if he was suffering from an illness or that he was really upset (well actually I did and I couldn't stop worrying about him but you get what I mean, it didn't matter to me) he was talking to me and wanting to be mates with me.

A few days later he told me had been self harming about problems. Yes I was scared and worried but I couldn't help love him. I know I sound so strange, fancying someone that hurts themselves but you see the thing was I was in love with the person everyone saw, the smiley version of him. No one ever saw the upset one I saw.

Then one day he sent me a text saying "Thanks for always being there when I need someone, I love you in the truest sense of the word"
Well first thing I thought was "OMG HE LOVES ME!" but then I thought "Wait a second what if he means it for the person he fancies" and then I thought "What if he really does love me" I honestly had no clue what it meant, Do you know what it means?
I took no chance and lived on the spur of the moment saying I loved him too. I was proper over the moon and when I asked him what in the truest sense of the word he said "Im sorry i really dont know, bear in mind I was drunk when i sent it"
What's THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN! I was speaking to him like 10 minutes before he wrote the text and he was not drunk! What's he hiding?

We just keep talking and texting and emailing and seeing each other through the day. Im so in love with him and I don't know what he thinks of me. It feels so odd. We used to be so happy around each other but now the atmoshpere is so silent. When he smiles at me his eyebrows raise and his mouth curves into a smile shape, Is that even a smile? Am I just panicking. When I don't see him during the day I get so scared and worried. Lately I notice when I'm around him I start shaking and going dizzy and I feel like crashing to the ground he makes me feel so... worked up. And he is always so kind and understanding. Are these feeelings normal? Should I confess to him how I feel? Would that help? Would it freak him out? Would he ever want to speak to me again or not?

He is seeing someone about his problems. Please don't worry about that. I just need you to comment or answer anything I'm worrying about, Im so sorry its very long but then again my life is complex :P See you soon, thank you for any help!

[Justwantfair]

I think that having a real relationship, like you desire, will only complicate the issues that he already needs to be facing on his own.

You will have to just be friends with him and support him, but if you can't handle that because you fancy him so much, then you need to stop all contact with him and focus on your friends in your class/grade.

[N0help4u]

He most probably doesn't want to let you in his world enough to see his dark depressed side. He probably likes you but doesn't want to take it anywhere because he knows he has problems. You are so young to have to deal with someone who is depressed and it is all too easy to confuse your feelings of love with feelings of feeling bad that he feels bad.

Just be his friend and let him know he can count on you but don't be looking for anything deeper.
He really should go get professional counselling.

[scott_1976]

I suffer from severe depression and I have since I was about 13, I am 31 now. I still suffer from it and it is a terrible burden on my wife and she is 36, so for a 13 year old to have to bear that burden is unimaginable. I feel so guilty that she has to deal with me and sometimes I feel she would be better off without me. In my opinion he does love you and he does not want to hurt you. Be his friend and let both of you mature and see where it goes, you are only 13 so there should be no hurry.

[ironclad04]

I suffer from severe depression and I have since I was about 13, I am 31 now. I still suffer from it and it is a terrible burden on my wife and she is 36, so for a 13 year old to have to bear that burden is unimaginable. I feel so guilty that she has to deal with me and sometimes I feel she would be better off without me. In my opinion he does love you and he does not want to hurt you. Be his friend and let both of you mature and see where it goes, you are only 13 so there should be no hurry.

That's right man!! I agree, not only does it effect yourself, but everyone around u! I have the same problem as well, but for me to face it, sometimes I cower, because I have a 3 yr old little girl who depends on me so much, and it kills me! So for the first two, you guys have to work it out, or give him space!! At your age, stay friends, friendly advice!!

[shazamataz]

I tell my friends I love them all the time... it doesn't mean I want a relationship with them.

Stick by him and be there for him, he sounds like he is a pretty bad time in his life and having friends like you will help him.

[Melhoneybee]

Can I just say thank you for all this good advice, I can't say thank you to everyone enough for helping :)

[Melhoneybee]

Just wondering, Why did he send me a text saying he loved me, what's that all about?

[Homegirl 50]

OK, as a parent I'll first of all tell you that at 13 you should not be dealing with a 16 year old, let alone one with emotional problems.
I'm sure you are a smart girl, but at 13 you are not equipped to deal with him, nor should you.
You can be his friend but keep a distance. I would not take the "I love you" to heart.
At 13 you should be having fun not stressing in a relationship with a depressed 16 year old.

This is not to say anything against depressed people, I know the illness, have dealt with it myself for years, but there is help and you should encourage him to get help. I'm hoping his parents know he has problems and that he is getting help. An emotionally disturbed 16 year old is not one that you should be nor are you equipped to deal with. Mental illness is real and serious business. I hope this young man is getting help.

[scott_1976]

Just wondering, Why did he send me a text saying he loved me, whats that all about?

He sounds like he does love you... on what level though? Friend, GF who knows, what you need to understand is depression is a serious illness. I hope he is getting help because self harm can turn into suicide attempts or a successful suicide. This is all way to heavy for you to be dealing with at your age but this is the real world and it happens! You said yourself you love him but at 13 love is different and most likely will not last. Be his friend, but don't get to close to this, encourage him to continue his therapy and if he talks of suicide do not brush it off tell his parent(s)!

[Melhoneybee]

He sounds like he does love you....on what level though?? Friend, GF who knows, what you need to understand is depression is a serious illness. I hope he is getting help because self harm can turn into suicide attempts or a sucessful suicide. This is all way to heavy for you to be dealing with at your age but this is the real world and it happens! You said yourself you love him but at 13 love is different and most likely will not last. Be his friend, but don't get to close to this, encourage him to continue his therapy and if he talks of suicide do not brush it off tell his parent(s)!

He has stopped the self harm. I don't want a relationship, I just want to be his friend. But I can't actually help loving him. Yes I deeply respect him as a person, do care for him and believe me the depression does not stop him from being a wonderful person. I know its too heavy. I don't want to avoid him, he's a nice person to talk to even though he himself is not happy with everything.

He makes me smile and laugh when I'm having a tough time, he tells me that he really respects me, he encourages me to do things and inspires me I'm just a bit upset about it myself that he is the way he is. I really have no clue about the text. We never speak about it anymore. Its like we are both afraid to, and that confuses me.

[Homegirl 50]

Then just take it for what it is. You are his friend and he obviously cares about you. Leave it at that.
I wish you well.

[monkey123]

Just wondering, Why did he send me a text saying he loved me, whats that all about?

Well maybe he loves you just as a friend because you are always there for him

[AManWithNoName]

I suffer from a clinical depresson, about who knows what, but he sounds like someone, who with the right guidance, he would make a cool guy to be around, and I wouldn't be surprised if he's had tons of girl friends
As for the drunk things, he was probubly lying, he said he loves you, didn't expect you to answere, and when you do, he freaks out "oh I was drunk" I've done it, no other guy in here better not tell me theyv never done it, hey I pull the "its the weed hun" card all the time, he may have feelings for you, hell, I sure as sh** would
You got to make your move, not too much, you got to want to hold his hand, kiss his cheak, or whatever it is you crazy kids do these days, don't kiss him right away, don't jump all over him, just give off the notion that "hey I'm a pretty girl that onviously has deep feelings for you dipsh**, acknowledge that!" but like I said before, do it suddley, other wise he may not take it seriously, maybe just think your goofing around or playing, or it may just freak him out
I don't know what else to say, you sound like a nice girl, and I'd like to hear a reply to this

[Melhoneybee]

Well, thank you for thinking I'm a nice girl. Its funny how only words can influence people.
Tons of friends, yes he's friends with everyone. No one can not actually admit to not likeing him, he's so funny and cheery, even though when I first told him I never told him about the problems I was going though with my father he made me forget about my worries when I first met him in his company.
Lots of girlfriends? Well funnily enough the thing is he's never had a girl friend. The girl he really likes is seeing someone 2 year older than her and they are both dead in love. Its breaking his heart that he and her are only best friends, he writes her poetry and everything and that what makes me think he loves her, after all the age difference between us both, admittedly though he has wrote the odd poem for me. One was a birthday poem, the others were trying to explain his feelings about his depression.
All the kissing and holding his hand stuff, we never do that. I haven't even hugged him
The closest I've ever been to him was when I put his arm around him once or the time he came really close to my face and went jokily "DONT LAUGH!!!" with the biggest smile on his face ever... sorry that moment is like one of the best moments ever.
The notion about me being a pretty girl. Well the notion I give him is "Im a girl who listens to your problems and is generally a lovely person to be around. I know im ecentric, slightly bonkers and prone to laughing untill my sides split but Im always here for you no matter what. Im also slightly on the geeky side" Is that a good notion?
Lol, I just admire him so much. And the fact that he's struggling inside doesn't matter, it makes no difference if he's suffering from depression or not, he's such a lovel

[topkay]

To start with, I think you are still too young to be thinking of a serious relationship with a guy who is equally young. What you need right now is to build a network of friendship with the opposite sex. Do not be tied down to a single guy for now. The issue of becoming unstable to the extent of feeling dizzy is not necessary for now. Try to master your emotions. There are other interesting young men out there that you can build friendship with. After some years, when you are more matured, you will be able to decide on that special one you want to date. Please take your time and do not become emotionally disturbed.
However, I am not saying you should abandon the guy in question to his problem. This is the time you can prove to him that you are a friend in need and so a friend indeed. Continue to support him until he comes out of his emotional problem. I wish you all the best.

[AManWithNoName]

Peole are going to tell you your too young to have a serious relationship, but, hell, you seem as, if not, more mature than most 16 year old girls I've dated, two, I date younger girls... because I'm weird
But, I do wonder, is it a turn off, if it was any other guy, that if he had a depression, or emotional problem, sorry, but that's a little one sided, but whateva
But, sounds like he needs to open his eyes and see, the girl he "loves" only wants to be friends... poetry? Sorry, sounds weird on the 6th level to me, haha, no offence

[IvyLynn1984]

Sweetie... All women wonder the same thing about men. But I can say this when it comes down to the drunk moment then he was drunk. It only takes a little while to get the affects. So he did say it. He might have meant it cause the truth comes out when your drunk. But only one person knows what they feel and that would be him. I'm not saying to go to him and spill the beans just yet. Try him out a little more before rushin into anything. I've learned that since I was you age and now I'm 25. Just take it slow. You have all the time in the world I promise. And if he's not the one there are so many fish in this sea.

[Homegirl 50]

Let's not forget she is 13. The last thing she needs to be doing is playing seduction games with him.

This young man had problems that you should not even deal with. Be his friend, let him know he can talk to you, but let that be as far as it goes. Like I told you before, he may like you, even think he loves you, but he has problems.
You just be his friend, nothing more, and don't let anyone talk you into trying to do or be more than that.

[Melhoneybee]

Thank you everyone for their advice and support. Your right, I don't want to play seduction games with him. To be honest he treats me like his sister but I can't actually help the way I feel. I don't want to scare him. I don't want to go a step too far with him and make him think I'm desperate, if anything I want to stay close friends with him.
The poetry... ITS NOT WEIRD AT ALL! :P The poems he writes are very beautiful. And this is the thing, if he admits it to his friends then he's scared they are all going to think he's a weirdo. You see the thing is, he's like one of the most popular boys in our school and everyone wants to be like him and looks up to him. Hes a good team leader and fab person to be around.
People are mentioning that I make friends with boys my own age. Okays I'm going to be truthful, the boys around my age are all nightmares. I don't want a relationship from them but still even thought I try to be friendly they all drive me round the bend. So you get the dirty pervert type who just want to ask you personal questions and then there's the quiet type who don't say a thing. There's the type where you can have a good conversation that lasts for a good 1 minute before the silence comes and then there's the boys who start talking and don't stop talking about awful things like "wouldnt it be cool if so and so from this doctor who epidode came along" etc etc etc
Most people tease me for being too mature. And I guess I've always been mature. Its not bullying but still its like happy slappy which I suppose I'm going to put up with because it isn't going to change. I read the newspaper, listen to BBC radio 4, interested in politics and read shakespearian plays and stuff. Yes, I know it sounds like heavy stuff for a 13 year old but hey that's me and its what I'm into. This boy can just talk about it with me and we have all these good long conversations about stuff. Hes interested in it too. All the boys my age want to talk about his... football and rappers. They are all interested in my airhead mates who are just the same as them and get joys out of reading celeb goss which doesn't interest me one bit. This boy makes me feel like I'm no longer a weirdo and he's very interested into the sort of stuff I'm into.
Also I get teased for being an A* grade pupil so boys just see me as the class nerd. Basically boys my age are jerks

A man with no name, what do you mean by the turn off things.

In all honest truth I don't want a relationship with him, even though I do love him and think about him so much if he were to tell it to my face that he really liked him I would be so freaked out and say no. I don't want it to ruin our friendship