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JasonDrew · Jun 9, 2009, 12:36 PM

I had a daughter with my ex back in 2006. I did not know she was mine until she was 14 months old, and this is only by word of mouth for there has never been a DNA test. The mother has only let me see her twice and she will be turning 3 in August. Her mother got married and took off to South Carolina to try and hide from me so I'm told. I have tried contacting her to get my rights and a DNA test but she is saying that her husband is adopting or has adopted my daughter. I'm starting to think that she told the courts she doesn't know where I am which is a lie because I've lived in the same house for the past 14 years. If I can prove this, can the adoption be reversed once a DNA test shows that I am the biological father and that I have tried to be in the daughter's life but the mother has refused? And now from what I hear she is getting ready to move to Japan for her husband is in the military.:(

Holly23 · Jun 9, 2009, 12:39 PM

Id get a good solicitior FAST!Gather all the proof you can and take her to court.Youl have bills to prove you've been living in the house and the DNA test will prove all.It has to be reversed.Its your right to your flesh and blood.

88sunflower · Jun 9, 2009, 12:46 PM

Your best bet would be to go consult a lawyer. Good luck and keep us posted! Stories like this break my heart.

JasonDrew · Jun 9, 2009, 12:49 PM

Originally Posted by Holly23

Id get a good solicitior FAST!Gather all the proof you can and take her to court.Youl have bills to prove youve been living in the house and the DNA test will prove all.It has to be reversed.Its your right to your flesh and blood.

She refuses to tell me her address so that I can have her subpoened for a DNA test. I've tried looking through public records but only find her old address for Florida. It's my parents house so nothing is in my name, is there any other way I can prove that has been my place of residency? I have photos of the one time she brought my daughter over, could I use that?

justcurious55 · Jun 9, 2009, 12:53 PM

You were told by other people all of these other things. Do any of them have her address? Or be able to get her address from her?

JasonDrew · Jun 9, 2009, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by justcurious55

you were told by other people all of these other things. do any of them have her address?? or be able to get her address from her?

No one that knows both of us has her address. I believe only her family and her husband's family know. I found out she is moving to Japan through her MySpace. I even tried contacting her local courthouse in the city she lives in to see if I was subpoened but they wouldn't release any information on an adoption case.

Holly23 · Jun 9, 2009, 12:58 PM

Does she have a solicitor?Are your parents of any official authority?There word might be taken if they are.Emh do you get any bills there mobile phones bills etc?You could you that but it won't be enough.I suppose if you have a fair amount of people from that will testify in court and say you lived there.That could work.Do you have a job?Your emloyer could testify aswel

Synnen · Jun 9, 2009, 01:00 PM

Get a lawyer.

You will NOT be able to do this without one. Period.

Whether it is reversible depends on how good your lawyer is, and what the laws in your state (and possibly HER state), and probably a variety of other things.

Have you been paying child support? Did you go to court and get custody and visitation established once you knew you had a child?

You cannot blame the entire situation you are in on the mother--there were things you could have done as SOON as you found out that you didn't do, including getting the COURT to have a DNA test ordered.

So, I'll repeat myself: GET A LAWYER. You have little to no chance of overturning an adoption without one.

justcurious55 · Jun 9, 2009, 01:01 PM

Hmm. You mentioned the state she lives in. do you know what city? I'm running out of ideas. Maybe a private investigator? I can't think of anything else. Hopefully someone else can think of more.

JasonDrew · Jun 9, 2009, 01:03 PM

Originally Posted by Synnen

Get a lawyer.

You will NOT be able to do this without one. Period.

Whether or not it is reversible depends on how good your lawyer is, and what the laws in your state (and possibly HER state), and probably a variety of other things.

Have you been paying child support? Did you go to court and and get custody and visitation established once you knew you had a child?

You cannot blame the entire situation you are in on the mother--there were things you could have done as SOON as you found out that you didn't do, including getting the COURT to have a DNA test ordered.

So, I'll repeat myself: GET A LAWYER. You have little to no chance of overturning an adoption without one.

Unfortunately at the time I found out she was mine. I had no money for a DNA test and now that I do the mother refuses. No child support or visitation has been established for she told me she did not want my help, refused my money, and said I had no rights since there was no DNA. I know I need a lawyer but I want some kind of advice before I go and just pick any lawyer. I want to know what I'm up against here.

JasonDrew · Jun 9, 2009, 01:06 PM

Originally Posted by justcurious55

hmm. you mentioned the state she lives in. do you know what city? i'm running out of ideas. maybe a private investigator? i can't think of anything else. hopefully someone else can think of more.

I do know the city, state, and even the area she lives in but I can't get an actual street address. I am considering hiring a private investigator but financial situations have slowed that option down... can't really afford a PI and a lawyer but am trying to do everything I can before I lose my daughter forever.

justcurious55 · Jun 9, 2009, 01:10 PM

I don't think you have much more time if they're getting ready to move to japan. I'd start looking up lawyers NOW. Like literally, go start looking. Google. The phone book. See if there's any sort of "rate my lawyer" sites to help you find someone good. Or if there's anyone that offers a free consultation so you can meet them and make sure you like them before you hand over a check.

JasonDrew · Jun 9, 2009, 01:13 PM

Originally Posted by justcurious55

i don't think you have much more time if they're getting ready to move to japan. i'd start looking up lawyers NOW. like literally, go start looking. google. the phone book. see if there's any sort of "rate my lawyer" sites to help you find someone good. or if there's anyone that offers a free consultation so you can meet them and make sure you like them before you hand over a check.

Thanks for all the advice, it is greatly appreciated.

justcurious55 · Jun 9, 2009, 01:22 PM

Let us know how it all works out for you. :)

Synnen · Jun 9, 2009, 01:52 PM

Originally Posted by JasonDrew

Unfortunately at the time I found out she was mine. I had no money for a DNA test and now that I do the mother refuses. No child support or visitation has been established for she told me she did not want my help, refused my money, and said I had no rights since there was no DNA. I know I need a lawyer but I want some kind of advice before I go and just pick any lawyer. I want to know what i'm up against here.

You need a family law attorney with experience in custody and adoption law. She cannot keep your child from you if you go to court to exercise your parental rights. If you get visitation set up, and she doesn't comply, then SHE is in contempt of court and has to deal with the consequences.

Please note that if your state has a Putative Father Registry, it's going to make things a million times more difficult.

JasonDrew · Jun 9, 2009, 02:24 PM

Originally Posted by Synnen

You need a family law attorney with experience in custody and adoption law. She cannot keep your child from you if you go to court to exercise your parental rights. If you get visitation set up, and she doesn't comply, then SHE is in contempt of court and has to deal with the consequences.

Please note that if your state has a Putative Father Registry, it's going to make things a million times more difficult.

What is a Putative Father Registry and why would it make it more difficult?:confused:

Synnen · Jun 9, 2009, 03:00 PM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adopti...ry-344696.html

Essentially, it states that if the father of the child does not take the time and responsibility to register that the child is his (or may be his) then the mother can choose adoption for the child without his consent.

JasonDrew · Jun 9, 2009, 03:48 PM

Originally Posted by Synnen

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adopti...ry-344696.html

Essentially, it states that if the father of the child does not take the time and responsibility to register that the child is his (or may be his) then the mother can choose adoption for the child without his consent.

I just read something about it that says I have 30 days AFTER the child is born, which is absolutely ridiculous considering I didn't know I even had a daughter until she was 14 months!

Synnen · Jun 9, 2009, 03:50 PM

That was my argument against it as well. I think it's kind of silly that if you want to be involved in a child's life that you essentially need to get yourself on that registry as soon as you have sex with a woman.

I have a feeling that those registries will be challenged and overthrown at some point, but that's my opinion on the matter.

JasonDrew · Jun 9, 2009, 07:00 PM

Originally Posted by Synnen

That was my argument against it as well. I think it's kind of silly that if you want to be involved in a child's life that you essentially need to get yourself on that registry as soon as you have sex with a woman.

I have a feeling that those registries will be challenged and overthrown at some point, but that's my opinion on the matter.

Could I argue the fact that I didn't know she was mine until she was 14 months old, and am still not certain that she is mine since paternity has never been established and the mother refuses to do so?