[CaptainRich]

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman... neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The most quick way to double your money is to fold it and put it
Back in your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by
Reading. The few who learn by observation. The
Rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out
For themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes
From bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every
Now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good
He started roaring. He kept it up until
A hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

[Catsmine]

I love the man. My favorite philosopher.

[twinkiedooter]

Love him and Mark Twain for some good MidWest down to earth humor.