[mama2agirl]

Hello everyone and thank you for taking the time to read this. I will try to make this as short as possible but it's a HUGE mess.
I'm 27, my daughter's father is 28 and our daughter just turned 2. We went to high school together and each of us always had a crush on each other but I was with someone (abusive) so I hooked him up with my friend. They got married right out of school and had 2 kids together. We ran in to each other almost 10 years later while he was in the middle of a divorce.. I was single, with no children. We started spending everyday together and fell in love. It was a rough start being that his divorce wasn't final yet and he missed his 2 kids, he would stop there everyday to see them briefly and continued to pay bills at the house even though he had moved out and was living with a friend. I helped him through it all and wiped his tears everyday that he cried. And I asked him a few times if he was ready for a relationship.. the answer always being, YES! So we were fully committed to each other and I found out I was pregnant. I was the one that was a little upset and he was all for it. (I was in a car accident years ago and had back surgery, my back has never been the same and I'm currently diasabled on social security.. I also had some issues with anxiety and at the time was still afraid to drive) My mother did not want me to have the baby and was worried he would leave me and this would be too much on my back (I lived with her and my stepdad at the time) So my daughters father (lets call him joe) has a serious talk with my mother, telling her he will always take care of me and our baby and I'll never have a thing to worry about. 7 months later, we move in together (into a trailer that is in his name) Our daughter is born in 2007 and I thought he was a good dad, but not much on helping at all (in fact he told me that until our daughter is more of a KID it's MY job as the mother) He had always been a bit obssesive in the sexual category, wanting things his way, whenever he wanted it. And I try to explain after caring for a baby all day and my back hurting the way it does, I'm not going to have sex on the brain all day and night.
So basically we had a normal relationship, normal disagreements and he doesn't see much of his other 2 children, just pays child support, even though they live 20 minutes from us.
One day he just came home from work and started screaming at me that he cheated on me with someone at work and that she was better than me in every way. He also screamed at me that he had been having sex with his exwife while I was pregnant. So we argued then he left and didn't come home that night. My daughter and I moved to my fathers for awhile but that was a very stressful situation and when Joe and I talked we decided to try to be roommates. While that happened he kept his 21year old girlfriend and would text her right in front of me while I was feeding our daughter dinner. He also used my bank card to take her out to dinner. SO after awhile my daughter and I moved to my mom and stepdads (and we shared a room) everyone there undermined me as a parent, acting as if I wasn't capable and my stepfather suddenly turned very creepy and was trying inappropriate things with me. So having no-one else to turn to I told my ex... after talking for awhile he said he couldn't be without me and wanted us to come home as soon as possible. My mother said if I moved I could never come back. So my daughter and I moved back in with Joe and things were OK for 2 weeks, he broke things off with his girlfriend. Then he changed again and wanted to be "single" said he had been living the relationship life for too many years and never had a chance to just be single. That was the appeal of this 21 year old, she didn't want a relationship and she had no intentions of meeting any of his children or even friends. But yet they told each other they love one another. They love the same music, are both admittedly selfish and had really good sex together. I was trying so hard to get over him that I needed to be hurt with information, so I would ask him questions about her, and he would tell... she liked really freaky things. That whole time he could always persuade me to sleep with him, while he was sleeping with her, I just love this man too much. Long story short, he broke up and got back together with each of us quite a few times. Her and I emailed a couple times and she would always tell me that she had no interest in him, but when he would contact her, she would go back to him too.
There's so many things that are involved... our car is in his name, but my mother got us the loan for it. When my check comes every month... its spent on bills so I'm always broke. And he can't really afford to live here without me so I think he might be holding onto me for financial reasons, plus he doesn't want to pay support for another child.
So here is my current problem... we are back together.. he says I am who he wants and he wants to save our family but he always makes jokes that really make me uncomfortable. He says things if he's bored like... lets call "sally" (the other woman) and have her come over here for a threesome... or that he is the better looking one in the relationship and that all these girls want him. Or that we're only together temporarily until some bills are paid off. Just really un-necessary things that hurt me.. and when I tell him he apologizes but says to please let him have some fun with it since this is our "situation" why is it a situation?? Its our life, that we made together, for all the right reasons, and for some reason he makes it like we are "stuck" I do feel like he loves me but Im just not sure if Im wasting my time or not. He did say today that he doesn't want to talk about her anymore and make jokes, he wants to work on "us".. Also, I don't rub things in his face or torture him.. but I do make it clear that he can't have communication with this girl, ever and I do check the phone records... he hates to be checked up on but every time I checked it proved me right that I should be checking because they were talking. So far they haven't talked that I know of this time around.
Any input or advice would be greatly appreciated.. im at the end of my rope and this roller coaster ride has gotten a bit too nauseating for me.. thankyou everyone!

[juanapepe]

Obviously he has commitment issues and has no idea what he wants. I honestly think he needs time alone since he hasn't had "single" time and just keeps running from relationship to relationship. This isn't the guy you deserve. I also feel like if he is taking advantage of you, I don't think he is completely joking when he mentions being with you to pay off bills. He is dangerous... I would try to be a little more independent and let him have time alone as well. Do you think this is really what you want?

[krazykahlua]

Leave.. let him be single and see if he misses u.. If he does come back you need to decide if you want a cheater to be in your life.. he may never change

[liz28]

Why do you put up with him and his sh*t? You deserve better.

You let him degrade you and put up with his cheating ways. He used your bank card to take another woman out, has you paying all the bills, don't help with your daughter because as he says "it your duties, he puts you down all the time, verbually and emotionally abuses you, should I continue?

I don't understand why you stay with someone that doesn' gives a damn for you. Yes, he is staying for fiancal reasons and your capable of taking care of yourself and daughter, you don't need him. You can always take him to court for child support.

Right now your enabling him to treat you like crap and you shouldn't. Your just lowering yourself esteem and torturing yourself and causing your own misery.

Stop talking to the girl he cheated on you with and kick the dog out. You don't need him and your only catch flees.

Leave now rather than later and don't ever settle for less.

[Italy777]

He is abusing you and disrespects you and you are letting him continue this.He's not even a good dad.. Don't let your child to see how he mistreats you.You can not create a normal family when you have such a low self-esteem and let him treat you like that.
Stop being naïve that he'll change.Cheaters cheat forever!Don't waste your life.Do yourself a favor if you care enough about yourself and your child.Don't stick to the worst man you can possibly be with!Otherwise you will resent yourself for this later on when it will be too late for a change!