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lashun123 · May 26, 2009, 07:47 PM

Hey everyone I have been knowning my boyfriend for 8 years we have been friend first but lately in the year in a half we have been pushing far apart from each other and we fight none stop we fight about anything. I started to be real close friends with this other guy and his so sweet and caring and now I'm starting too wounder if I should stay with my boyfriend now? His so demanding and we have said some real mean things too each other. The sex between us now is very bambam got it its done and back then it was take it slow make it go but I don't know if its because we don't talk or because we are fall apart . Should I stay with my boyfriend or go to the other dude that's makes me feel real good. I'm so confused:confused: :confused:

Threads merged for the whole story.

My boyfriend keep asking me do I still love him and I don't know want to say because I'm still in love with him but I'm confused because I'm talkn to this boy as a friend and I'm starting to have feeling for him and my boy friend used to be romantic and we used to go out all the time but know he hang with his boys all the time and don't have time with me but this other boy has been their for me I can talk too him about my relationship with my boyfriend I don't know how too keep my emotions in tack. My emotion with my boyfriend or my emotions with this dude. I want to work it out with my boyfriend but I have mixed feeling with this new boy and the pic, who should I let go or should I work it out with my boyfriend.

I wish · May 26, 2009, 08:09 PM

Well this kind of situation happens. It's called, a "change of heart". The two of you don't feel the same way about each other anymore. It usually means that you had your good times and now it's time to move on with your lives.

Why suffer and hang on to something that is going to end eventually?

As for the other guy, you shouldn't be comparing him to your current boyfriend. That's definitely not fair. And he's going to end up being your rebound if you don't keep your distance. IF you end your relationship, you got to give yourself some time and space before you pursue a new relationship.

N0help4u · May 27, 2009, 07:13 AM

The better thing would be to try and get on your own. Don't have sex with either of them until you are sure this guy is what you want next. Do not stay with the other guy because it is only procrastinating the inevidible.
Often it feels easier to jump from one relationship to another but most often rebound relationships end up not that great.

ajGambino · May 27, 2009, 07:34 PM

Do not do anything you will regret later on. You obviously have a thing for this new guy and you should have known when to back away. Problems with your relationship should stay in the relationship and talking to him can solve a lot.

Rebounding to this guy will not do you any good. If you're not happy with your current boyfriend, talk to him and try to work things out to both interests. If you hit some walls you cannot get past, maybe it's a good idea to end it.

But don't let this other guy persuade your feelings, emotions or decisions. That is always a bad sign and it will never work out. It already sounds like you're making excuses to break it off and catch the rebound.

Maybe you should be alone for a while. You obviously don't know what you want. I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but don't be stupid. This guy is just a fad, you will get over those emotions with him. But be a little more mature about this and learn to back away from it.

Triysle · May 27, 2009, 08:05 PM

I was the guy who started paying less attention to his girl, and she left me for a "friend" who she could "talk to about anything" and all that jazz.

Right now, it's obvious that you are conflicted, because you want to explore this new option but you also want to keep your current boy happy. You don't want to hurt him, and we all get that, but it's only going to hurt more for both of you the longer you draw it out.

You deserve someone who makes you feel loved and gives you the attention you want. You sound a bit young and perhaps with that comes insecurity. I think your best option is to let go of your current boy, but don't jump right into something with this new guy.

You will, of course. And it will be great for a couple months. But you'll realize that he was a band-aid, and he was just giving you the attention you wanted at the time. Eventually, you'll resent yourself for using him, but you'll blame him for not spending the same amount of time with you as he did before. You'll end up pushing him away because of your own insecurities, and ultimately the vicious cycle will continue.

Or you could change it and stay single for awhile. Learn what you like for yourself, instead of wanting someone else to entertain you and make you happy. Then, when you have control of your own life, consider sharing a bit of it with another person who is also happy with his life.

Best of luck,

~ Tee

lashun123 · May 29, 2009, 05:46 PM

Threads merged again!

Today I took all of your advise and what I heard the most was to talk and to figure out me my life and goals and I talk to him about it today and we have made the choice to break up and remain friends. But we also made the choice to also be friends and benefits with no string attached and when one of us finally move on we tell each other and stop the sex no emotional do you think this friends and benefits will work until one of us move on?

Justwantfair · May 29, 2009, 09:21 PM

Friends with benefits never works, there is always emotional attachment, primarily by the female in the relationship.

To top it off, you have been involved in a relationship. If you want to break up - break up, if you want to be together - work it out.

No contact is the best method to surviving a break up and finding yourself again.

You will not be focusing on your life and your goals involved in a friends with benefits.

That is a term that used to be have your cake and eat it too... simply made more current. Why are you out to give him the cow?

ajGambino · May 29, 2009, 09:46 PM

You will either end up hurting her, or her ending up hurting you. It might seem like a good idea right now, but that's the addiction talk. What you need to do is truly give each other space from the break up so you can see you're better off broken up.

... and until then is when you can be friends, but no benefits.

I wish · May 30, 2009, 06:51 AM

As long as you are still connected, one of you might start getting false hope that you might have the chance to get back together, whether consciously or unconciously. Why do that to yourselves? You will have such a difficult time moving on and finding someone else.

It sounds like you guys aren't ready to be alone. Single life (without sex) is not the and of the world. Learn to be independent. There's so much out there in life. The time you spend with him (now that you're not even a couple) could be better spent on bigger and better things in life.

chuff · May 30, 2009, 06:56 AM

This isn't even a real break up. It's two people holding on by the slimmest of chances and using sex to do it. Friends with benefits never works and will leave you more confused and hurt then before.

Triysle · Jun 1, 2009, 06:27 AM

Don't give him any false hope. He's a young guy, and if he's as young as you sound, he's probably insecure enough to take whatever he can get instead of setting standards for himself.

You guys care about each other, and that's great. But maintaining any kind of physical relationship is going to do more than just "delay" healing; it's going to stop it completely. I don't think you should even stay friends, at least at first. People need time to heal, and especially if you're interested in another guy you're just going to break his heart even more.

Move on, tell him that it's for the best for both of you, and in a few months or so once you've sorted things out then talk about being friends. Or don't. Just don't keep him in your life right now, because it's just going to make him think he has a chance when he doesn't.

~ Tee

Romefalls19 · Jun 1, 2009, 06:32 AM

Wow, that's what you call a break up? Darn, I've had it wrong all the time!

I don't want to be with you anymore, but feel free to bang me. It's cool, no strings attached

Justwantfair · Jun 1, 2009, 06:56 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Wow, that's what you call a break up? Darn, I've had it wrong all the time!

I don't want to be with you anymore, but feel free to bang me. It's cool, no strings attached

And to top it off, she doesn't even like sex with him, it's already wham bam thank you ma'am... surely moving the relationship to just sex, that's a step up. :confused: