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Flesh · May 26, 2009, 08:58 AM

So I am usually answering questions, but I am having a bad day today and need to talk about some things.

Ok so I have been single for 8 months since me and my ex broke up... she has already met someone and stuff, and I had been doing really good with the no contact stuff, I did show up to her house once like after we had been apart for like 5 months, I also called her on her birthday, anyway after I had called her on her b-day was when I found out she had met someone else (she did not tell me, nor did we even talk she did not pick up) I found out from a co-worker and I do not know but since I found out I have just been slightly upset and confused, I know we would not work out and all that stuff, but part of me wants to make-up.. the guilty part of me and just wants things to be cool between us.

She is the first girl I ever loved, and this is the first time in my life I have felt this way, like someone who is alive is actually dead... I mean I feel like she is dead, and it hurts.

Now I wish that was the end of this but due to some poor decision making, while I was on Facebook, I looked her up and I meant to look at her friends, trying I suppose to see what her new dude looked like or something to that extent and instead sent her an invite... I KNOW, anyway I kind of panicked I mean I have real things to say to this girl, so I just sent an e-mail that said oops and that I did not mean to send it and that I was not trying to interfere with her life... though I guess I am, now I am pissed that the last thing she is going to "hear" from me is some stalkerish sad message... and now my ego is getting involved and I am really worried about what I am going to do, because I have prayed and I talk to other people, but their is someone in me that just will not allow this to lay in rest.. what do I do?

kctiger · May 26, 2009, 09:15 AM

It happened, and it really isn't a big deal man. It always stings to hear things about the ex, especially when it involves her being with another guy. Human emotions, that's all. Don't worry about it and don't make a big deal out of the Facebook thing. That site can do more harm than good at times, so don't let your curiosity ruin any of the healing process.

My ex is dead to me, as far as I am concerned. It has been 8 months for me as well, and I am more than aware she has another boyfriend. It sucked to hear at first, but to be honest, it has NOTHING to do with me. I don't mean that I want her dead, but as far as considering her in ANY decisions I make, well... it just doesn't happen. When you fall, you just have to get right back up and keep moving. We have all done it, gone through it and know what it is like.

Keep moving forward man! Life is too short.

saffron2903 · May 26, 2009, 09:31 AM

I completely agree,

You have said yourself you know it would not work so keep trying to move on. When you learn something new about an ex you can't help to re run things trough your mind it sparks a reaction happens to most it happens to me when I hear about my ex and we have been broken up 2 years now.

Try to put the Facebook thing behind you and start moving on again

jmw0713 · May 26, 2009, 09:52 AM

I'm in the same boat (6 months in). I found out about my ex moving on pretty early, but the pain is still the same. Its just a tough road we all have to travel in life. I've managed life without her, pretty well. I've had my slips in the past few months. Heck, I know I still have feelings for her, after all this time and all the crap that happened. However, I am doing my best to not let these feelings hold me back from finding what other people have to offer and trying my best to just let her live her life and to get on with my own.

The good part is, once life takes us down the path of a new relationship, I think we will all be able to look back on our experiences and be thankful for them... no matter what.

Hang in there! We all slip and fall. The only time you fail is when you don't get back up.

talaniman · May 26, 2009, 09:58 AM

As you have said, you made some poor decisions. Time to make better ones based on facts and not just hurt feelings.

Your decision to contact her, and read her face book, are poor decisions, and should be stopped. The way you handled your shock, and pain, by finding out she has another in her life, was a very poor decision, and dealt with in an unhealthy way.

You want to know what to do, make better decisions for yourself. Look at the facts, and not just give in to feelings.

Your coping skills need some work, also!

Romefalls19 · May 26, 2009, 10:33 AM

Stop with the Facebook. Stay off it until you can stop searching her out, you are cyber stalking! I proclaim you stay off Facebook for exactly 2 months.

susangpyp · May 26, 2009, 10:38 AM

Time to move on. But you already know that.

First of all, stay off Facebook! Second, allow yourself your grief. Journal about this, talk about it and get all the feelings out. Third, decide that it's time to move on and CHOOSE to do things that will help you move on... get out there and find new things to do.

BMI · May 26, 2009, 10:47 AM

If your giving advice on break-ups Flesh you would do well to remember this thread. EVERYONE on here giving advice has encountered this before in one way or another, we'll all say the same thing. Digging under stones that should be left unturned will never uncover anything of benefit.

I, of course, had a similar episode. The solution was to go NC andbecause I could not trust myself I deleted and blocked Facebook. Best decision I've made inquite awhile. I'm not saying delete your account but if it causes you this much pain than do whatever you need to do.

teastalk · May 26, 2009, 11:21 AM

Best thing I'd like to do for myself is to not think of the ex at all (as I think you should also do for yourself). I'm having problems with this myself. I wake up in the morning and think of him, go through the day working, go through the day studying, and then when I get home I talk to my roommate/cousin about him. I'm not sure exactly how it happens, but every time I get home, my cousin and I start talking about him.

Anyway, pretend that she or he has passed away a long time ago. The truth of it is that the person you know is no longer there, hence, dead (and the reason why people sometimes say "you are dead to me"... maybe that's just in movies. That's the reason why people go through stages of grief just as if the person had actually passed away.

talaniman · May 26, 2009, 01:04 PM

Teastalk

I talk to my roommate/cousin about him. I'm not sure exactly how it happens, but every time I get home, my cousin and I start talking about him.

That has to stop!

Flesh · May 26, 2009, 02:51 PM

Thanks for all the advice guys, I am really trying to just focus on my life and self improvement, somedays are just easier than others.. I know the one I knew is gone and I have to relize that, that was some really good advice though makes things easier knowing others have gone through the same things.