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    torntopieces's Avatar
    torntopieces Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    May 19, 2009, 11:18 AM
    Can I put My nephew in Foster Care
    I filed for and received custody of my 9 year old nephew because his mom is serving time in prison and his father is deceased.. It's been very hard since he moved in with me and has caused me to loose one job already because of me taking time off to run back and fourth to his school to the principal's office an dsuch things. I can no longer afford to keep him because it's making it hard for me to keep a job and I have twin boys of my own to take care of.. Do you think putting in foster care is something I can do. I have tried everything else... I need help.
    davescomp21's Avatar
    davescomp21 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #2

    May 19, 2009, 11:44 AM
    Since you have leagal custody you can place him in foster care. Go to your neaarest child services office and they can help you
    stevetcg's Avatar
    stevetcg Posts: 3,693, Reputation: 353
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    #3

    May 19, 2009, 11:51 AM

    OR... learn to parent and not abandon a child.

    This is a parenting issue, not a child problem. The problem is that you have no idea how to raise a child.

    Dave may or may not be correct (I believe not, but not sure) but they are going to ask you the same thing: why can't you handle this child?
    88sunflower's Avatar
    88sunflower Posts: 1,207, Reputation: 462
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    #4

    May 19, 2009, 11:57 AM
    Ouch! I don't think its 100% parenting issues. The child lost his father and his mother is in prison so obviously he is hurting inside and acting out. Don't abandon him again. He has no one but you now. Don't hand him over to foster care and not know how he is being treated. Try to get help. Talk to him. Put your heart out there on your sleeve for him don't just abandon him again. I am sorry he is causing problems for you. But this is a hurting child. If you love him and show him you're a stable love in his life he might show signs of improving.
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
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    #5

    May 19, 2009, 11:57 AM

    Here's another option:

    Go to your local social services office and ask them for HELP.

    If you abandon this child, you will have to know that you are the THIRD person (in his mind, anyway) who will have abandoned him--and he will have nothing but issues resulting from it.

    Ask for HELP, don't abandon a child that needs you.
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
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    #6

    May 19, 2009, 12:01 PM

    I can understand that you must be feeling overwhelmed by his behavior and what it is costing you personally ,in terms of money ,time and taking away from your own children.

    He has a deceased father,a mother in prison and you are thinking that foster care is a viable solution.While it will free you from further responsibility,I think emotionally it would be very harmful to him.

    I think if he didn't have some issues considering his circumstance,it would be miraculous.He must feel like a very unwanted child.

    Putting him into foster care where he may go from one family to another will only reinforce his feelings of unworthiness.

    Has he been tested for ADHD or depression? Children do suffer from depression.

    In the foster care system,he will be considered a hard to place child and may never find a family who is willing to give him the emotional support he needs.

    You must have anticipated that there would be problems.

    I hope you find a way to reconsider this ,for his sake. I think he should have a psychological evaluation and see what can't be done to help him.

    Legally,I do not know if you can just give up a child in this way.That question would best be answered on the legal board.
    stevetcg's Avatar
    stevetcg Posts: 3,693, Reputation: 353
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    #7

    May 19, 2009, 12:09 PM

    Ok - so you guys are nicer about it than I am. :D

    That's mostly what I was getting at.
    88sunflower's Avatar
    88sunflower Posts: 1,207, Reputation: 462
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    #8

    May 19, 2009, 12:17 PM
    Don't abandon him. Just don't do it. Look at all the children in foster care now. Seriously if we lived closer I would take him. I have a huge heart for children and there is nothing greater then to see them smile. He will be soooooo grateful to you one day when he is an adult and he knows you're the one that stood by him when times were tough. What would you do if it were one of your own children behaving this way?? Send them into foster care? Children are our future and you can't walk away and leave him alone.
    Meredith1978's Avatar
    Meredith1978 Posts: 120, Reputation: 9
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    #9

    May 20, 2009, 09:09 AM

    I think asking for help should probably be the first step too. Social services can help, and will if it is a matter of losing a job they may be able to make you a "foster parent" so you get assistance. There are loop holes, they use them quite often when working with theraputic children. It sounds like he fits the criteria.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #10

    May 20, 2009, 02:19 PM

    I feel for you... I have worked with a number of children, two right now in fact, that fit very similar situations.

    Has he had a complete physical at his doctor's? Has the behavior been brought to his doctor's attention and discussed? Have you met with the school counselor? What was his behavior like before you gained custody? What sort of incidents are occurring at school? What is his behavior like at home? His attitude in general? What are his social skills like with friends, relatives, etc. How verbal is he about his frustratons, worries, anger, etc? Does he seem to understand that his actions will result in consequences... does he accept this or place blame elsewhere? Is he impulsive by nature... knee jerk reactions.. not accepting responsibility for his actions or behavior?

    Yes, he is likely hurting, but you will want to rule out other possibilities because if more is going on than just his having a rough time dealing with the parents' situations, you won't be able to deal with it on your own with just trying to be loving, consistent, and showing him you care about his well being.

    Check out all possibilities... speaking to his doctor and the school counselor would be the first steps. They will also be able to put you in contact with other agencies should further support be necessary. Keep asking, keep pushing for help.

    After exhausting all avenues, sometimes a foster home situation, where the parents are trained and equipped to better deal with certain situations/behaviors, can be a blessing for the child when the alternative of staying where they are won't help them to turn things around and be able to reach the potential that they could. That can sometimes be the greater disservice to the child in the long run.
    MrsPond's Avatar
    MrsPond Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Jul 18, 2009, 09:12 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by 88sunflower View Post
    Ouch! I dont think its 100% parenting issues. The child lost his father and his mother is in prison so obviously he is hurting inside and acting out. Dont abandon him again. He has no one but you now. Dont hand him over to foster care and not know how he is being treated. Try to get help. Talk to him. Put your heart out there on your sleeve for him dont just abandon him again. I am sorry he is causing problems for you. But this is a hurting child. If you love him and show him your a stable love in his life he might show signs of improving.



    Unfortuantely, I can relate with you. I was given legal custody of my nephew when he was eight. His father is incarcerated and his mother just don't care. I have gave him a stable home, three meals a day, more than love than any child could ask for and he is still not doing any good. I have been called to every school he has went to, he has been exspelled from every school and sent to different schools. He has been through therapy, with family, mental health for children, sent to bootcamp, sent down the road (juvenile jail), in many different programs for troubled teens and nothing helps. He is an excellent athlete, but in his case he is lost talent. My family have been telling me for years I need to get rid of him, but he is my blood and I kept trying giving him chance after chance and trying everything. I would suggest therapy maybe it would help him, but if you have already lost a job which are hard to come by you may need to consider temporary foster care.
    jenniepepsi's Avatar
    jenniepepsi Posts: 4,042, Reputation: 533
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    #12

    Jul 18, 2009, 09:58 PM

    You can't simply 'get rid' of a child.

    Its just... wrong... get this poor baby some help... dont just dump him on someone else because you 'cant handle it'

    Your last statement is true. Yes. You need help.

    Getting rid of him isn't going to help. Its going to make it worse. You can't just drop him off at CPS and walk away.

    Get him help. Get yourself help. A babysitter that the school can call on while your at work perhaps. A special school for him, that is better equipped to handle a child like him without calling home every day for him to be picked up.

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