[katiesolomon]

My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago - we had a particular issue that we couldn't resolve and had had our fair share of fights over our one year relationship. He upset me incredibly and after bottling it up for a while I eventually had an outburst during which he asked me to leave his house and I did. This wasn't the first time this had happened (perhaps 3 other times during the relationship) He has hurt me very much, but I still love him very much. I've been trying to move on and keep busy/see friends etc but a four days ago Friday I received a letter from him (it was written a week ago from this post) which I'm not sure is him genuinely asking for closure or if there's something in there which indicates he would like to talk/reconcile:

The letter said (this is almost word for word)

Dear xxx
I hope things are well with you - he then briefly explained about what he'd been up to recently, just a couple of lines. He continued "I am so sorry that things ended in the way they did - I think for all the negative experiences there were many positives as well and I would have hoped that we could at least have been amicable about closure.
Of course, I understand that I hurt you in a number of ways and that was unforgiveable and I very much regret that this - for the rest of my life.
I hope you find the happiness and love that you seek and deserve.
He then mentioned that he's enclosed some items of mine and finished with saying "Wishing you all the best for your future" followed by his name.

He didn't have to write to me at all... is he just being decent or is it designed to provoke a reaction? If yes, is that desired reaction contact from me to relieve his conscience about the events that hurt me, or because he may be genuinely sorry that the relationship is over? I know no one's psychic, but any thoughts appreciated - I've read it too many times to be clear about it now!

[ajGambino]

Sounds to me like he wants to let you know that he's sorry for the pain and heartache he's caused you. He considers you a very loving person and he wishes he'd never done the things he's done to you, in which he's going to regret because he feels he doesn't deserve you.

This is a closure letter, letting you know that there's no hard feelings and that he was happy to be with you but some things just didn't work out, probably for the best.

Do not look at this as hope, it sounds very much like closure for him and how he wants you to be truly happy.

[Survivor07]

It's just a goodbye letter. It is what it is.

Don't read anything that isn't there and stop over analyzing. It will do no good.

I see nothing in what you posted that he put in the letter that says he wants to reconcile.

It's hard to let go for both sides sometimes, but it does sound like it's for the best and he wishes you well, in other words, no hard feelings. He's sorry for having hurt you and goodbye. That's it.

It will do no good to go over and over the ups and downs of the relationship with each other.

This is why having contact after a break up is such a set back.

[chuff]

The relationship is over and when it was on it was filled with arguments. Time to let it go for good and not respond. It was simply his way of getting out some of frustrations, but if you go to answer it you'll be taking a step backwards.

[katiesolomon]

Thanks everyone for your comments, it really helped and I appreciate you taking the time to reply. I think you're all probably right! Not planning to respond and will just work on getting over him. Hopefully he won't make things worse by contacting me again...

[mogdor]

Yeah I don't think a guy would write something like that with any kind of ulterior motive in mind... I would take that letter at face value. Sounds like he genuinely is sorry for hurting you and wants you to be happy. I actually wrote something similar to an ex of mine from a few years ago and I meant just what I said.

[kp2171]

Once, after dating a girl and then hurting her, without meaning to, I did a similar thing.

Wrote a letter to her explaining myself, not wanting to reconcile and be together again, but just wanting to explain my having my head so far up my arse.

So... I can't speak for your ex beau... but its possible that all he wanted to do was to try to make things more "right"... even if it wouldn't ever be right again.

Been there myself. More than once, I'm afraid to admit.

Part of it was selfish... my wanting to discard the "sins" on my past... and part was real... an honest desire to say "im sorry i was an arse"...

So... take this as a final moment in that relationship.

Maybe he was worried about your feelings. Maybe he was more concerned with his conscience. Doesn't matter really...

He has said he is sorry, for whatever reason.

I believe him, somewhat. Maybe. Perhaps.

Time to move past this and on to better things.

[Gemini54]

It sounds to me as if he's being very gentle and kind. He's saying to you that he appreciates he had a part to play in the ending of the relationship. He's saying that he has regrets, but knows that it's time to move on. He's wishing you well. It's over.

[talaniman]

He didn't have to write it, and you don't have to respond. Stop reading it, burn it, or throw it away, and forget it.

[cwg777]

I wrote a letter it was beautiful and got blocked