[Triysle]

I've seen this phrase so many times in my life, I just wanted to ask - does this apply to the person in general, or just a person in a relationship?

I mean, I had never cheated on any of my previous girlfriends, but I cheated on this recent ex and felt horrible for it (even though she had cheated on me in a much bigger way long before). So, according this slogan, am I doomed to always be a cheater? Or was it just that if I stayed with her, I was bound to cheat on her again?

I ask because I want to make a point that people do change, but in your experiences how has this applied?

~ Tee

[Romefalls19]

No, you aren't doomed to do it again. You have the power to change, it's up to you. When I was 18 I thought it was cool to be the "playa" and I was dating 3 girls at once, it's not something I am proud of. I eventually broke up with them as they deserved better and I went on to have a 2 year relationship and now over a year long one without any cheating at all.

[Shirsh717]

I don't think you would be considered "always a cheater" I have cheated on almost every one of my boyfriends... but the day I met my husband... 4 years ago... I feel in love him! We been together 4 years and just got married, I have not cheated on him and never will... I love him way too much!!

[liz28]

I don't believe this saying "once a cheater always a cheater" applies to every situation.

A person can cheat be remorseful and never cheat again because they realize their actions was wrong and it was unfair to their partner. This is a person with a conscience.

Then you have people that cheat and cheat with no remorse or regret. It is their behavior. They don't have conscience and don't care about anyone but themselve. This is when the saying comes into play and it is a perfect fit for the situation.

Now the real question is why do people stay with someone that always cheat? Things that make you go hmmm!

[Gemini54]

I don't think that it applies in all situations to all people either.

It is a phrase that rolls off the tongue very easily thought doesn't it!

My ex cheated on me (once - a one night stand), but it was just that, a one off, it was out of character for him and it did not lead to the end of our relationship (which ended many years later for other reasons).

So, I suppose if there is a pattern of repeated infidelity or the infidelity is conducted over a long period, then one could say, 'once a cheater always a cheater'.

But, change is always possible if you choose to change.

[chuff]

I know someone that cheated within 6 months of marriage but they stayed together and he's never cheated again and I think they've been together for 12 or 13 years now. So it can happen. But it's up to the individual.

You said you cheated on a girl who cheated on you so I'm sure there was some revenge going on in that relationship. Just that alone, says the relationship was not healthy. I think if you are thinking healthy and girl is healthy (mentally and emotionally I mean) then the lack of problems will keep you togther. However, it sounds like when you cheated that was not the case.

[Triysle]

I know someone that cheated within 6 months of marriage but they stayed together and he's never cheated again and I think they've been together for 12 or 13 years now. So it can happen. But it's up to the individual.

You said you cheated on a girl who cheated on you so I'm sure there was some revenge going on in that relationship. Just that alone, says the relationship was not healthy. I think if you are thinking healthy and girl is healthy (mentally and emotionally I mean) then the lack of problems will keep you togther. However, it sounds like when you cheated that was not the case.

I did not cheat out of revenge for her cheating on me. I don't know exactly why I did it...to be honest, I only started to do something and stopped after less than a minute (we had our clothes on the entire time, lol). But I don't need to go into details here, the fact is I recognize that what I did was wrong and that my ex (yes, she's my ex now) didn't deserve that, even if she had cheated on me before.

My point was basically asking if that statement had any value, because so many people throw it around like it's some kind of rule. I only know my own experiences, and I know that she cheated on her current boyfriend with me (read my first post on these forums if you want the entire story) and I'm pretty sure she was already emotionally seeking another man when we were together anyway.

Which brings up another question - even if you don't do anything physical, can you emotionally cheat on someone? Food for thought...

~ Tee

[chuff]

Which brings up another question - even if you don't do anything physical, can you emotionally cheat on someone? Food for thought...

Oh God yes. In fact I think people do that more then physical cheating and sometimes I think it can be worse then physically cheating on someone.

[Triysle]

Oh God yes. In fact I think people do that more then physical cheating and sometimes I think it can be worse then physically cheating on someone.

Speaking from experience, yes it does hurt more. Here's a little story.

When my ex and I first started having real troubles and were considering a break up, I knew about a "friend" of hers who had a huge crush on her. She spent alot of time with him, and I knew she enjoyed it. Finally I asked her which relationship was more important to her - the year and eight months we had spent together, sharing our lives and our love, or the sporadic eight months she knew this guy, and only hung out with him maybe 5 times over the course of that entire timeframe. She said "I don't know." I was crushed, lol.

That hurt me so much more than when she told about when she cheated on me with one of my "friends." You guys can read my early posts if you're interested in details.

I'm glad someone else can relate to that. Here's another question - can you physically cheat on someone without emotionally cheating on them?

~ Tee

[Silver Lining]

If u cheat and u like it,, then the phrase applies to u,, and if u regret it,, u never cheated,, it was one mistake,,

[ylaira]

Everybody can cheat but serial cheating is different from cheating once.

[JudyKayTee]

Everybody can cheat but serial cheating is different from cheating once.

So you are saying that cheating multiple times is different from cheating once?

I'm an investigator; I am hired to do any number of surveillances; many of them are matrimonial surveillances.

Some people "cheat" (and there are various definitions for cheating). Some people learn from that experience and it never, ever happens again.

Others learn nothing and cheating becomes a way of life. Sometimes it's the rush; sometimes it's the sex; sometimes it's called "got ya."

I've never been sure how anyone sorts out the two categories, one time and serial.

Would I understand it if my partner cheated? No. I've seen too many of these situations.