[Gemini108]

My husband of 11 years recently told me "he is no longer interested" in "this life" and has left, without any warning. I am still partially in shock, partially livid. I did not expect any of this and have no clue as to how I am supposed to move on with my life. Am in a state of complete confusion.

[PunkDragonfly]

He wasn't man enough for you. He left you because he wasn't confident in himself. For whatever his reason was you should be strong and pursue a better life for yourself. Every ending is merely a beginning for something more rewarding and fulfilling. Best of luck God bless!

Amy

[Jake2008]

My husband of 11 years recently told me "he is no longer interested" in "this life" and has left, without any warning. I am still partially in shock, partially livid. I did not expect any of this and have no clue as to how I am supposed to move on with my life. Am in a state of complete confusion.

That must have really been a knock out emotionally when you didn't see it coming.

Were there any signs? Does he have any problems that you are aware of? Maybe drinking or depression, job loss etc.

11 years is a long investment in a marriage. Do you think that he will sit down and talk to you about what's going on?

With so little information, I wonder if he's gone for good, or gone for a break, or what he's planning to do. How do you know for sure that it's permanent.

Are there are any children? I hope that he will at least explain his behaviour enough so you know which end is up and how to proceed.

[Dragonfly1234]

I'm really sorry that you are going through this and although I don't have any advice to offer you, I do however have some food for thought; someone once told me something that I have come to realise is very true. One decision/event in your life cannot make or break you. A single event cannot ensure or destroy your chances for happiness, even if it may be hard to believe right now.

[Gemini54]

I feel really really sorry for your distress.

It does strike me though, that after 11 years you would have a sense of what your husband was thinking and feeling. How is it that you had no clue that he was unhappy and wanted a different life?

If you can, you need to speak with him so that you can understand what was behind this drastic move, understand your part in it and most importantly make arrangements for your future.

Good luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

First you make sure you transfer all the money out of any joint accounts into one with you're your name, so he can not get any money you may have.

You then look at your income and budget and figure out how you are going to pay the bills.

You get an attorney file for divorce, for alimony and if there are children child support

You then go though stages, but remember this is not your fault and you work one day at a time to move on

[rxnarunner]

First you make sure you transfer all the money out of any joint accounts into one with your your name, so he can not get any money you may have.

You then look at your income and budget and figure out how you are going to pay the bills.

You get an attorney file for divorce, for alimony and if there are children child support

You then go though stages, but remember this is not your fault and you work one day at a time to move on

Great advice

[dontknownuthin]

I feel for you. My husband went through a very unpredictable and difficult change in personality at a certain point in our marriage and similarly dumped me and many other aspects of his life that had, at least I thought, been very important to him. I do not know what snapped in him to this day, and just do my best to parent our son with him. It's a long process to figure out but you need to know that he fired you and so you have to be as selfish now as if you'd been fired from a job. His mindset is selfish, and yours has to be focused on what is best for you and your children. Protect the money - hugely important to get that stressor under immediate control. Make a list of your fears related to this situation, and then address each one with a plan. Fear of no money? How can you increase your current income, or return to the workforce if you've not been working? Find people who are experts in these areas, look into community resources.

Also know there is no shame in your situation. More than half the adult population goes through marriage devastations, so find a local church or somewhere you feel comfortabled that offers a divorce support group and go now, even if you're not sure you will end up divorced. You will get some support and companionship that you need to get through this.

See a lawyer right away and start getting things sorted out. You can get an interim order to manage financial matters and that alone relieves a lot of worry. Then you can think about getting full custody of your kids with him getting visitation, whether you want to keep your home, and so on. If you meet with a lawyer, they will have you do specific things at specific times in a specific order and it will take a lot of that a"what should I do" feeling off the table and replace it with tasks that can be very useful as distractions to get through this thing, as well as moving you in the right directon practically.

Best wishes and God bless. It's hard but it's not a tragedy - there is life after these things work themselves through.