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sicwithhate · May 3, 2009, 09:26 AM

So I've been seeing this girl for about 5 months now, to give a brief history on the relationship I was with her a year ago and cheated on her with my ex, we broke up and both moved on. Last November she contacted me and was having relationship problems with her new boyfriend, we started hanging out just as friends with benefits. Long story short we grew on each other and it became a real relationship, she was in love as was I but we did not say I love you to each other in fear of each others reactions. So a few weeks ago I began to act distant as if I did not want her around, she became suspicious and went through my phone and found a jokingly sexual text to my ex... she thought I was cheating(which I wasn't) and asked me several times why I was acting weird. Then one night she came over and gave me one more chance to tell her what was going on, I said nothing and she walked out... its been a few day of us talking and she has come to the conclusion that she needs a week to figure out what she wants to do. During those few days of talking I have realized how much I do love her and have fallen even deeper in love with her, she says she doesn't feel the same as she did and she thinks that some time alone will help her with her decision. I def got the whole "I love you but im not sure if im still in love with you" thing. I showed up to her work with flowers and a card, things were great at that point but she still came to the same conclusion that night that she needed time... I will give her the time because I love her but what do I do, what do I say and how often do I contact her because I want her to fall back in love and I want her to know I am always thinking about her?

nikosmom · May 3, 2009, 09:40 AM

You will just have to give her the time she says she needs.

You cheated on her once and what she thinks is a second time. Why are you exchanging sexual texts with your ex? You say it was "jokingly" but I don't exchange sexual texts with exes because it doesn't signify that the old relationship is over. This coupled with the fact that this happened around the same time you were acting "weird" so she probably doesn't have a good feeling about you or your future together at this point.

If you really want to be with this girl, or anyone else for that matter, that type of behavior will have to stop. I wouldn't blame her if she decided to end the relationship with you. You may need her to end it so you'll learn what not to do in a relationship.

none12345 · May 3, 2009, 10:17 AM

I have heard this story so many times. She needs time... than give her time. Maybe a clear explanation about the ex would resolve things. But from signs of things, she isn't going to change her mind, she ll tell you she can't be with you anymore afterwards.

Be open and honest to her about the ex. If an explanation doesn't work, stop trying to win her back, it shows desperation but in fact move on with your life and take this as a lesson. This is why its best to leave the ex behind when its over.

sabrewolfe · May 3, 2009, 10:38 AM

First of all I got to say that all you seemed to do was play games with this girl while you were with her, and now that she wants time, all of a sudden you figure out you want her and told her you love her and want to tell her how you feel now? You had that chance buddy boy, and you took advantage of that. Wasn't worth it, was it?
Hey, just got to be brutally honest with you on this, because if you do get the chance to be with her again, don't make the same stupid mistakes. This girl didn't deserve to be played with. Now she needs the time to think over whether your worth it or not. You didn't show much respect for her while you were together, so at least try to show some now. Give her the space. As far as what you should do, think long and hard about what you had and what you did. You'll will be lucky to get her back. So don't screw it up if you do. Leave her alone and let her decide if your even worth a second chance.

ylaira · May 3, 2009, 11:36 AM

I agree with all the reponses here.

You just basically don't know what you want. You can't keep decisions and your words don't go along with your actions. It's so confusing and tiring.

Just give her what she wants. You had chances but just took it for granted.

talaniman · May 3, 2009, 04:46 PM

I showed up to her work with flowers and a card, things were great at that point but she still came to the same conclusion that night that she needed time...

You though things were going great but found out different.

I will give her the time because I love her but what do I do,
You get your act together and have some good clean fun with friends and family and leave her alone.
What do I say and how often do I contact her
You say nothing to her because your giving her space, remember. When and if she changes her mind about you she will let you know.
Because I want her to fall back in love and I want her to know I am always thinking about her?
Thats completely up to her and its a decision she has to make, and just like the flowers gesture, nothing you can do will make a bit of difference. The balls are in her court, and you put them there with bad immature behavior.

I will give her the time because I love her

Thats what you will do, if you can.