[vb201989]

Talaniman, to make things clear to you... I said that it's better off to be single because I need some time to get over the fact that my cousin is with her boyfriend, the one who I like. It's hard to move on, because much of part of me really want have him, and that her boyfriend is really sweet and nice. I mean, there aren't any guys like him- he made me feel special like that. I think I still love him... Do you think that I would find someone that would make me feel special like no one does? Also, I think that it's better off to be single, and instead of looking for a guy, so I can keep my friendship with my childhood friend, the one who like me but I have no romance feelings for him. If I find a boyfriend, then my childhood friend said that he doesn't want to stay as my friend, since obviously because he still have a romance feelings for me. So yes, I have to sarcifice anything to keep my friendship with him. Trust me, it will be for the best because no matter how he is, he is always there for me when I need him, even though I have no romance feelings for him. He really do understand how I am going through and stuff like that. So, I think it is best for me to stay remain not to date until he moves on to someone else, since he doesn't deserve to be with me. He deserves to be with someone who will really loves him back and he loves her back.

amicon- the crush is my cousin's boyfriend and he doesn't like me the way I do to him. What I meant by "I could never find somebody as good as him" meaning that I will never find anyone that is like a version of his personality And, about my childhood friend, read above.

[vb201989]

Hi,

As many of you may have read my previous question regarding that I like my cousin's boyfriend. Well, I know for sure that I got over him. But, however, one problem still lies- my childhood friend is still in love with me and have asked me out repeatedly. I said no a lot of times. I've told him many times that he has to let it go and move on and find another girl to like. Of course, I am still friends with him and he's still one of my best friends. Well, yes, I do not have a guy to like or to date because like in previous question I stated that he won't be my friend if I started to date someone else. So, I had to sacrifice what I want (to date someone) to stay friends with him. The reason why I turned my childhood friend's request down is because I don't return the same feelings he does for me and that his friendship is way more important to me than him as my boyfriend. He is a great friend anyone could've ask for, despite the fact that he said that if I date someone else and he won't be my friend anymore. His obsessive seems way overboard, and I wanted him to stop being obsessed with me to be his girlfriend. What can I do? Any advices would be appreciated, but PLEASE NOTE, DO NOT say end the friendship with him or stop talking to him. Thanks!

[88sunflower]

Straight up I see it as you giving him mixed signals or maybe giving him false hope. Leading him on. Word it as you like.

Your not dating because he said he wouldn't be your friend if you took up a boyfriend? Well to me your showing him he is in control and he might have a chance. Go date. Big deal. If he will no longer be a friend to you because you care for another guy and he can't be happy for you then what kind of true friend is this guy? Snap out of it and find someone. Some friend you have. Your on an advice site because he won't let you date.

Yes I say lose the friendship.

[positiveparent]

Hi Op, I think you should keep your distance from this boy he's not your friend friends don't make ultimatums, tell him straight you're not going out with him you're related, and you just don't look upon him as a boyfriend he's a friend but that's all and you'll go out with anyone you like he doesn't own you, and I think you're right not to want to date him he's trying to control you and you're only friends. So tell him. Soon.

If however you're possibly leading him on in anyway then you can expect him to hang around in hope you'll finally notice him, if you're sure you're not sending out mixed signals then tell him the truth, if he is a friend hell bow out gracefully if not then he's not a friend, so you lose nothing. Good Luck

[Cat1864]

I went back and re-read your other thread and I am going to be a bit harsh.

Stop playing games with your 'childhood' friend. You are using him as an excuse as much as he is 'emotionally blackmailing' you. As long he is there you have a rationalization not to date or get involved with anyone else. Have you gotten over the 'cousin's boyfriend'? Are there any other men who interest you?

You hang on to him because he is there for you instead of acting like a mature person and making him understand that you aren't there for him the way he wants you to be. You are giving him false hope and leading him on. That is you being obsessed with the friendship.

Leave him alone. Do not contact him. Do not accept contact from him. Make it a clean break and allow him to live his life for himself instead of for you. Stop keeping him around as a barrier or safety net.

If you think walking way now hurts, think about what it will feel like if he gets tired and walks away, he gets frustrated and tries to force something, or you find the person who is available who makes 'cousin's boyfriend' seem like a callow cad.

I know it is scary and the thought of letting someone go hurts like a physical pain, but sometimes we have to think of others and what is best for everyone. He needs someone to love him as much he loves her. Just like you need someone to love and care about as much as that person does you.

Maybe someday when you both have people you care about and lives that don't revolve around each other, you can resume the friendship. However, that is calm after the storm.

[talaniman]

The only way to break his obsession is to stop letting him blackmail you. You know it, everyone here knows it, and I suspect so do you. Some friend, that holds friendship over your head to keep you from getting away from him. That's a bit disgusting that you go along with that kind of behavior.

Get a boyfriend or a date and find out what kind of friend he really is. I already know, but you need to find out for yourself, or you will never be happy.

Sorry, your sacrifice is utterly sick!! I think I said that in your other post. You really need to stay away from unhealthy people, so you can get healthy yourself and make more rational decisions.