[nikeshtnt]

I am going to write what I have never shared with any one yet.. I have friends but all are like they know me as a good professional.

I am from a middle class family born and brought up in a village. My family has a very good reputation in my village like educated, cultured etc but inside story was not cultured except my parents. Because of that I never tried to cross the social barriers like sex with girlfriends (I liked) or doing something wrong to make money which my almost all friends were doing there. My mother had played a pivot role in all these but I never acknowledged that. My biggest mistake of life because she did all these even bearing all type of family violence from my grand mother and uncle.

Time passed and after finishing my graduation I left my village for doing CA but could not be successful. But because of my mother's positive attitude to never give up, I moved on and started job hunting in Delhi and got one in Chartered firm. With the time I realized my potential and grown very fast, within 3 years I started earning my dream salary in five figures which I had been told by my seniors that, it is very tough because they are there for more than 5 years and still waiting.

Then I decided to visit my village to see my mother and other members of my family(by that time I knew that my mother is my strength), but God had something else for me, just few days before my planned visit got a massage that my mother is in hospital.

I took the first train and reached there to see her, she was serious and doctor said she needs blood. I gave mine but after two days she passed away. Now I fear to donate my blood.

That was end of my every thing because my first dream that now I'll do everything to make my mother happy and she was not there with me. But I couldn't share my heart with anyone because my brother started getting faint and my father was left alone. I kept all my grief within myself and started consoling them.

With the time they started becoming normal but I couldn't because still I have that load in my heart that I have lost my mother when I could do something for her happiness.

After one and half year my family comes up with a proposal with my marriage so that someone can take care of my family. I given my consent and got married with a girl (from a rich family) whom I have clarified all facts that she has to take care of my family and for that she would have to live away from me but also assured that I would visit her frequently. But only after a month she started crying that she would not be able to do that. I and my family member got very upset that everything was clarified before marriage even though she is not doing that.

Then we gave up and I brought her with me and we started living in Delhi, but then she started commenting me that I favored my family more than her, which was true to some extent but I was not doing that at the cost of her requirements. I did all the things what my financial status allowed me but her expectations are very high.

After some time she told me that she expected me to bring lot of gifts for her so show my love to her which I couldn't do because all the happenings in my life like keeping myself away from girls, becoming workaholic, my mother's demise etc made me a so practical who things that a person should do something when it is required and whatever be the situation just move on.

I am not at all romantic except on the bed.

I tried to convince her that I'll try to change myself if she helps me by telling her all expectations. By that time I started earring good so give her free hand to spend but she refrains doing so and commented that she don't want to waste money.

I was confused and tried to talk to her that if she can clarify me what she want but kept mum. When I insisted she abused my father saying that he has cheated her family and threatened me to leave home or commit suicide. I was scared but didn't give up.

I tried several times to know that what is in her mind so that our life can be happy, but every time same story... threat..

By nature I am also an angry man but it is for a very sort period and when I cool down I said sorry every time.

But question remains same what I am doing wrong.

She says she loves me and can't live without me but when I tried to convince her that forget everything because both sides are at mistake (my father has promised that I'll buy a flat with the money which her parents has given to her, but he bought a land with that and at the same time she refuse to honor her promise to take care of my family).

But here is a catch money given by her father was not enough to get a flat and I was not earning so much that could contributed from my salary, so I thing my father did right because that lands price is now almost doubled with in two years.

Finally I managed to buy a 2 BHK flat but my father couldn't give me money because we had got my only sister married recently (in that he had to spent 1 M by taking loan) and that land could not be sold instantly. My father assured me that he will help me very soon.

But my wife again started all her drama and now she has one more problem which is very much genuine, that we don't have kid even after two years marriage. Her family members are commenting on her then I got to know that problem is with me.

I accepted that started getting treatment for that but my wife is now using her anger very frequently every time she ending use with a big fight with me. Now she has lot of health problems and doctors say that most of them are just because of her anger and I can see that when she is cool don't complain those problems.

Now she becomes impatient for very small things too.

And I am the scapegoat in all these for my wife or my family. I miss my mother very much now and thing that at the verge of giving up but don't have courage to end my life.

So I ask what to do? I want to continue this relationship.

[ylaira]

I almost fell asleep reading your story. If you want more responses, kindly edit this and get to the point.

You're in the dilemma here. Just one question: Do you love your wife now in spite you married her for money?

[Wondergirl]

Unlike ylaira, I thought your story was very interesting and well-written.

Part of your problem is that you have not grieved for your mother, but have only supported your family members in their grief. Is there something you (and your wife) can do to honor your mother's memory?

What would you say are the three biggest problems you face right now?

[talaniman]

I agree with Wondergirl, you have not healed from your loss of your mother, and really need to, so you can gain strength, to deal with all the issues before you.

You have a lot on your plate, and they will not be accomplished in a day. I can tell you though to start paying a lot more attention to your wife, even though she sounds very high maintenance, and try to improve this relationship by working together.

Especially knowing this was a business arrangement, and you two are strangers who need to pay attention to each other, and learn about each other, so you can grow together.

Happiness will not happen in a day and marriages take a lot of work. They don't just fall into place.

[nikeshtnt]

I agree with Wondergirl, you have not healed from your loss of your mother, and really need to, so you can gain strength, to deal with all the issues before you.

You have a lot on your plate, and they will not be accomplished in a day. I can tell you though to start paying a lot more attention to your wife, even though she sounds very high maintenance, and try to improve this relationship by working together.

Especially knowing this was a business arrangement, and you two are strangers who need to pay attention to each other, and learn about each other, so you can grow together.

Happiness will not happen in a day and marriages take a lot of work. They don't just fall into place.

Thanks buddy actually I am trying everything to make this relationship better and after posting my query here I have seen the improvement in her. May be because I am feeling bit relaxed now like something has come out from me which was long pending.

So for making my married life enjoyable I thing I have got the tool but I'll be waiting for the day when I'd do something in name of my mother. I have a dream to open a school for poor students.