[BlueMoodsNJustin]

It's been a while since I've been on here but wanted to update with the latest in my situation.

Legal Aid turned out to be not much help after all. They sent me an Ejectment form after telling me that I could, as the authorized resident of the home, eject my son even though don't own, I rent. The form clearly states "I am the owner of the property located at _____ and a copy of the deed is attached." Clearly that is not the case. Haven't been able to get through to anyone there for clarification but nothing on the form states "aughorized resident" or anything to that effect.

My son's anger issues and mood swings are becoming more frequent and severe, even though he is now finally on medications. Of course I am the one and only target and get the full brunt of his verbal abuse.

A couple of weeks ago I had a complete melt down. Almost as if in an out of body experience I grabbed some scissors and started hacking away at my arm. Fortunately they were only surface wounds and are pracitcally unnoticeable now. However my "concerned son" called the police and I was taken to the psych ward of the hospital for evaluation. The female officer had been here on a prior call so knew my/our story and when my son tried to interject into what I was telling her she gave him a very hard dirty look and told him to sit down and shut up. The male officer for whatever reason went into my son's room and came out with a bong. I don't think there was anything in it, but at any rate other than some choice words from the police nothing happened to him.

I was released from the hospital the next morning and I really think my son was surprised and disappointed that I wasn't admitted to a crisis stabilization facitility. He later said I cut my arm for attention and then gave the police a sob story to make them feel sorry for me and get myself off the hook. I'm pretty sure he only called the police thinking he would have me out of "his house" for a few days at least.

That whole episode scared the hell out of me. What if I have another meltdown, what might I do to myself then?

I did call the local domestic abuse shelter without much result. I was told if I need to I can come stay in the shelter for a short time but then would either have to go somewhere else or return home. It's tempting to go there just to get away from the insanity for a few days but I'd feel like I was abusing the system and that it wasn't designed for a temporary "get away" kind of escape just to regroup. They did tell me of a support group for abused women that meets on Wedsnesdays and I will be going tomorrow.

Beyond that the counselor told me that, fair or not, my only real option is to move out myself. I can't since I'm now unemployed. And not only that but I love my apartment... I'll never find another place this nice, this reasonably priced, with the great amenities and the great 2-blocks-from the-beach location. And if there is ANY other alternative why should I? I'm not the bad guy here, the only thing I'm doing wrong is violating my lease but HE'S the one who is verbally and physically abusing me (and yes the counselor told me that breaking and smashing my belongings IS physical abuse) not to mention I've been the only one paying the rent for the two years that I've lived in this apartment, so why should I be the one to be punished?

Please send prayers and good thoughts that someone somewhere can help me find a loophole to get myself out of this mess. I really feel lik I'm on the brink of insanity here and soon when my son tells me I'm just an insane he will be right!!

[george110]

You need to grow some spine yourself and just move out. Your possessions can be replaced and whatever loss you encounter in a move will be trivial compared to what you are undergoing right now. Otherwise you'll have yourself to blame if this escalates any further.

[theend]

Hi blue mood, hope things are better for you by now? I see this is almost a year old, but I have to tell you that I am in a circumstance almost exactly the same as yours... the build up to all this poor behavior and hatefullness on my sons part is a story too long and sad to share, but suffice to say he is 25 and acts out, attacks my possessions and I have tried for two years to help him but you know its not my fault (I had some guilt issues for sometime but finally I realize that his poor behavior is not my fault) he will not do as I request, he does not pay me anything to help out, and even though I have told him he has to move he does nothing (he does have a part time job and a girlfriend and two small children) I am in the process of preparing to have him removed from the property (it hurts my heart to even hear myself think of doing this, but even in preparation for this I am starting to feel some self respect returning)it is he who needs to leave... I will not leave this property and the homes my father built... if and when he grows up maybe then he can return, everyone tells me the same... he needs to leave home and grow up... he has set his sister against me but she is a smart girl and I dearly hope that in time she will understand my actions and forgive me... anyway sorry for venting this with really no answer for you, but I hope that you are happy now, and maybe you have some suggestions for me? Thank you

[BlueMoodsNJustin]

Hello theend and thank you for your reply. I made a new post today (apparently they do not post immediately as it is not yet showing up) but in essence I can tell you that nothing has been resolved and the situation is much worse than it was when I originally wrote this post.

I think you are doing the right thing and I envy you. There are no legal avenues for me to evict my son as I am not the property owner (I rent my apartment).

The other night he got physical with me but when I called the police for help he told them that I was threatening him with a butcher knife (completely false allegtion!) and I was arrested and charged with aggravated battery. Now I am playing a waiting game until I can meet with my public defender next month. It's a nightmare! I have never been in any kind of trouble with the law before.

As for giving you advice you are doing just what I would advise. Let your child go as hard as that may be... you don't deserve the disrespect any more than I or anyone else does and if he isnot willing to make any changes then you can choose to live with it and make yourself crazy in the process, or remove yourself from the situation.

As I said, I envy you... if I owned the property I would have filed an eviction months if not years ago but that is not an option for me. Imay end up having to move out of my apartment which I love, and either moving in with my boyfriend in his cramped one br apartment until I canwork something else out, or moving out of state to stay with friends (which would cost me my boyfriend). There are no easy answers and putting your son out has to be breaking your heart but you have to take care of yourself and your mental and physical safety.

I know you are praying that over time you can rebuild your relationship with your son, as I am praying for that with mine... but until that time comes then it sounds to me like you are better off not having him in your home.

Good luck andGod bless!

[missingher]

BMNJ, Just had to write in and provide you with the little support that those of us dealing with this illness have which is to let you know that there is yet another family living the same nightmare as you and that through the collective sharing of our experiences maybe we can get the lawmakers and medical community to take a more concerted interest in this illness and to fix what is clearly a broken system when it comes dealing with mental disorder. It shouldn't be as hard as it is to get hospital care for these people.

The symptoms of the disease are obvious but they leave the decision for treatment to the patient. If I have cancer, of course I'm going to ask for treatment because the disease does not affect my thinking but if you are suffering from a MENTAL disorder, how can you be expected to make a rational decision about treatment. THE DISEASE IS IN YOUR BRAIN. So because they are free to refuse treatment, they end up wandering the streets because what else is there to do when your family runs out of resources to help you and you are un-employable. It gives you a new perspective on why there are so many homeless people, because MENTAL illness carries such a social stigma that it is literally the bastard child of the disease world, or worse yet, just the outcome of bad parenting and until this thinking changes, those of us left to deal with it are just stuck.

Just last night my wife and I had our third 911 response to our home which ended with her leaving and my wife and I wondering what the final outcome is going to be. I've already determined that I am not letting her back in the house if she decides to return but as you touched on above, I'm not really sure that I can legally do it. The story behind this latest incident is too long to recant for this post but as you know, unless she threatens to hurt us (like a MENTAL person would ever admit to that), there's nothing they can do and she is free to do whatever she wants.

As for the similarities in our experiences, the one point that really struck a chord with me was you description of how "savvy" you son is with his illness. My daughter is the same way. She is very well spoken and very cagey when it comes to behaving calmly in front of the police and the hospital workers but fortunately she has slipped up on at least a few occasions which landed her a couple of week long stays at the psych hospital which in turn granted us some temporary relief but it is just that, temporary, as can be seen above.

Obviously the help that we need is probably not going to arrive in time for our loved ones but hopefully through further advocacy, which I am in the process of looking into, the current health laws can be changed to better server the families of mental heath victims and through greater visibility (celebrity advocacy) and discussion, there will be continued neuro research which hopefully will better improve the outcome of these cases.


My Deepest and most Heartfelt Best Wishes.

[smoothy]

I glanced through this and saw this wasn't suggested what you need is a nanny cam. It's a covert surveilance camera ( looks like a clock, radio or smoke detector as some examples) that records video and sound. Its your house (you have a lease to live there), you are allowed to record for "security purposes".

If it catches your son in one of his threatening rages instead of a burgler?

Sorry, I have no sympathy for him because he chooses to refuse treatment. He made his bed now he has to sleep in it. It would provide proof needed for a restraining order against him pending an eviction.

If you have to get a pay as you go cell phone if you have none now... they don't have to be activated to dial 911. Just have a charged battery.

And I would call it if he makes any threats before he is officially evicted.

[susanmariem]

I send my best wishes and hope for future peace to all of those suffering with abusive and ill loved ones. Just wanted to offer this resource I found. This guy seems to have lots and lots of experience with difficult adult child behavior. It looks like he deals primarily with younger children but he also has lots of information about abusive adult children living at home. If you Google 'Empowering Parents.com-abusive adult child that won't leave home', From the web page you can find the site and from there you can peruse the topics and even do a search for a situation close to yours. I sincerely hope you find a way to resolve your family troubles. My son is 35, been in prison, won't work, lives with his father and is verbally abusive and won't leave. His father just filed an eviction notice and supposedly it takes 30 days before he actually has to be out. If he doesn't leave, then the police will come and escort him off the premises. I live in another state so I don't have to deal with the day to day, but I've been making the mistake of bailing him out financially when the bottom falls out for the last 5 years or so, always thinking he will one day get on his own. It was always the... 'this is the last time... senario'. I've been talking to my ex about what he's doing and giving him support and telling him to be strong and not to back down. I won't go into the details, we all have our stories to tell, but I know all too well about the ease of giving in because following through is so difficult. Don't give up. Check out the site and I believe you can even email him with questions, I bet he will be able to guide you in the right direction. You need to take care of you and that means not giving up. Good luck to you...

[valerie2]

Hi I went threw all of the above-this has been going on for twenty years (cost me everything-and almost my life)-this illness is so sad--but as sad and hard as it is for you--you do have to have him move out (not kick-out) for your well being and safety as well as his--he needs to learn how to live his life with out you-if you continue to enable him,he will be lost when you die-and that may be too much for him- and could destroy him-if you push him out now-at least he knows you are there in case of an emergency and that he has some one-and he is loved.There's so much help out there-there really is--you are not alone in this night mare-so take care of you - pray and give it to God-and please reach out and let these people(phone book-mental health-dept or social services-it's in there -you'd be surprised how many people have this illness) help you-they know what they are doing and are not emotionally attached-Look -Up Every thing's going to be all right.

[kasiola2003]

I don't know where u live but in CT where I live, a renter can sue for eviction based on the fact that your son is a nuisance. Or you can go to the court and get a restraining order. Most of the time that will mean he can't come to the house.

[AK lawyer]

I don't know where u live but in CT where I live, a renter can sue for eviction based on the fact that your son is a nuisance. Or you can go to the court and get a restraining order. most of the time that will mean he can't come to the house.

I read through the opening post, noticed that the OP had been given incorrect advice (by the police and clerk of court), considered correcting it, but then, fortunately also noticed that this is an old thread. Chances are good that OP's problem has been solved years ago.

Please don't bring old threads to the fore just so that you can add your two cents worth. No one cares.

[onedayatatime]

Just reading this after doing a Google search for "living with adult bipolar child". We have an almost 19 year old son and I feel so alone. Everyone has bent over backwards to help him--the high school teachers that helped him to get a basic diploma, and now the community college teachers, counsellors, therapists, etc.. He is on meds but keeps melting down mid-semester and after being on the dean's list his first semester, has tanked for three semesters when he hits "bottom." He won't go to class, gets behind, then just lies in bed, etc. Often on the same day, though, his mood will improve and he'll be cheery, joking around, etc.. But by class time the next day, he'll be down again. Some days he'll actually get up and go across town to class but won't be able to make it through and comes home a half hour later. I am seeing no end in sight. When he says to us, "I just don't see any hope. What kind of job or relationship will I ever be able to have if I can't function half the time?" I actually start to wonder too! Is there another forum parents of adult bipolar kids can go to?

[cdad]

Just reading this after doing a google search for "living with adult bipolar child". We have an almost 19 year old son and I feel so alone. Everyone has bent over backwards to help him--the high school teachers that helped him to get a basic diploma, and now the community college teachers, counsellors, therapists, etc.. He is on meds but keeps melting down mid-semester and after being on the dean's list his first semester, has tanked for three semesters when he hits "bottom." He won't go to class, gets behind, then just lies in bed, etc. Often on the same day, though, his mood will improve and he'll be cheery, joking around, etc.. But by class time the next day, he'll be down again. Some days he'll actually get up and go across town to class but won't be able to make it through and comes home a half hour later. I am seeing no end in sight. When he says to us, "I just don't see any hope. What kind of job or relationship will I ever be able to have if I can't function half the time?" I actually start to wonder too! Is there another forum parents of adult bipolar kids can go to?

This forum is one of many we have here. There is also one for mental health.


https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/parenting/


https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/emotional-wellbeing/