[Sunflowers]

According to their web site, they do this:

Family Law
Estate & Probate
Landlord/Tenant Consumer Law
Tort Defense Real Property
Wills
Pro Se Divorce Clinics
Legal Clinics Bankruptcy
Employment Guardianships
Courthouse Assistance Projects
Community Education Presentations
Social Security
Personal Injury
Collections
Family/Civil Mediation

If she could get these people on her case it would be great. Sounds like they could help with all the problems she has. Including possibly getting the adult son into hosp/treatment and application for Social Security. If she could get him on Social Security he'd also qualify for affordable housing even if he was too irresponsible to be able to work.

[BlueMoodsNJustin]

I will be calling them as well as Catholic Charities this week. If not Monday then Tuesday because I am off on Tuesdays so can devote the entire day if need be.

I also saw when looking at the local Catholic Charities website they apparently have some mental health resources. I will find out what I can but whether my son pursues it is his decision and out of my hands.

My situation still isn't good but it is sure seems a lot less hopeless tonight than it did last night. Thanks everyone for your informative and supportive messages! I will keep you posted on any progress or changes.

And I'm sure I'll be back venting as well because I seem to get more support from forums like these than from my IRL friends.

I'm locking up and going to try and get some sleep so you have a great night. Talk to you soon!

[artlady]

I will be calling them as well as Catholic Charities this week. If not Monday then Tuesday because I am off on Tuesdays so can devote the entire day if need be.

I also saw when looking at the local Catholic Charities website they apparently have some mental health resources. I will find out what I can but whether my son pursues it is his decision and out of my hands.

My situation still isn't good but it is sure seems a lot less hopeless tonight than it did last night. Thanks everyone for your informative and supportive messages! I will keep you posted on any progress or changes.

And I'm sure I'll be back venting as well because I seem to get more support from forums like these than from my IRL friends.

I'm locking up and going to try and get some sleep so ya'll have a great night. Talk to you soon!

Please know we will help you as much as we can and your son as well.

[cdad]

I will be calling them as well as Catholic Charities this week. If not Monday then Tuesday because I am off on Tuesdays so can devote the entire day if need be.

I also saw when looking at the local Catholic Charities website they apparently have some mental health resources. I will find out what I can but whether my son pursues it is his decision and out of my hands.

My situation still isn't good but it is sure seems a lot less hopeless tonight than it did last night. Thanks everyone for your informative and supportive messages! I will keep you posted on any progress or changes.

And I'm sure I'll be back venting as well because I seem to get more support from forums like these than from my IRL friends.

I'm locking up and going to try and get some sleep so ya'll have a great night. Talk to you soon!

Please keep us posted when you can. We appreciate the feedback.
Good Luck !

[nitelight198073]

i've wondered the same thing. In fact a while ago when we discussed the possibility of my evicting him he stated point blank that he would do everything in his power to wreak as much hell on my life as he could from the time the eviction was served until it was executed. I'm not totally worried about my physical safety, he's very cunning and knows just how far he can go without doing something he could be jailed for. He did specifically mention that he would make as much noise when I'm trying to sleep at night as humanly possible, that sort of thing. There's also the off chance that a stray flying object could strike me but beyond that I doubt seriously that he would harm me physically although I do feel he is capable of doing just that. He's a master at the passive-aggressive thing.

He also is slick and smart enough to not make any kind of threats like that in someone else's hearing. So it could end up being a matter of his word against mine.

I'm more worried about the wear and tear on my mental state and how that would affect my performance at work.

Assuming the worst that 15 day notice would be a nightmare to say the least.

Is there any record of his bi-polar and destrutive tendencies... if so the police and such are possobly more liable to believe you over him

[BlueMoodsNJustin]

It's not so much a matter of if they believe him or me but the officer said unless he witnessed it firsthand he couldn't take any action. I think maybe if there were a 3rd party witness maybe he cuold have but I'm not certain.

[nitelight198073]

It's not so much a matter of if they believe him or me but the officer said unless he witnessed it firsthand he couldn't take any action. I think maybe if there were a 3rd party witness maybe he cuold have but I'm not certain.

Wow that bites

[Fr_Chuck]

Domestic violence, if there is any sign, hole in a wall, item broken in the home, the police officer has a legal obligation to act. To arrest the suspected person.

[twinkiedooter]

Don't you have any immediate neighbors who have witnessed his performances before? Would any of those folks be willing to help you out with this eyewitness testimony?

Living with a bipolar is worse than living with a volcano set ontop of a huge propane tank waiting to explode. I lived with one and I can very well comiserate with your perdicament.

Right now he has no money with which to support himself. I am very surprised if he is cycling as quickly as he seems to be cycling that you have not applied for Social Security Disability for him a LONG time ago. He just didn't get like this overnight. It will take months to get approved, but if you have taken pictures of his "performances" of the broken items and present them at his administrative law judge hearing about his disability he would get a monthly disability check. It won't be a whole heck of a lot, but it will be his money he can use to live on.

It also sounds like he's been doing illegal drugs as most bipolars who really perform like to take illegal drugs or alcohol to enhance their performances.

You can't live your life continually walking on egg shells waiting for the next time he "blows up" and physically beats you to a pulp. You are very correct when you say that he is extremely smart and manipulative. They are.

When you are laid off and have no income to keep replacing items that he trashes of yours, if he decides to trash out the apartment the landlord may just evict you regardless of what you say. Landlords don't like their apts trashed.

If you are friendly with one or two of your neighbors talk to them about having them call the police when they hear him "perform" in your apt the next time he does and have them either come over to the apt and look in the windows or meet the police and have them tell the police about his trashing things. I am sure the police have your name and his name and address already in their system as him being a bipolar and know exactly what to expect when they show up.

[BlueMoodsNJustin]

When you are laid off and have no income to keep replacing items that he trashes of yours, if he decides to trash out the apartment the landlord may just evict you regardless of what you say. Landlords don't like their apts trashed.

If you are friendly with one or two of your neighbors talk to them about having them call the police when they hear him "perform" in your apt the next time he does and have them either come over to the apt and look in the windows or meet the police and have them tell the police about his trashing things. I am sure the police have your name and his name and address already in their system as him being a bipolar and know exactly what to expect when they show up.

Actually I won't be totally without income as I am eligible for unemployment but still...

But actually I'm not so worried about him doing physical damage to the apartment. That's not to say it can't or won't ever happen but he seems to be at least in enough control to limit his "trashing" to my personal belongings.

As for witnesses there were none. Being the slick manipulator that he is he always manages to "lose control" when no one is around or within earshot.

And I'm not completely sure if his frequent rages are real bipolar cycling or just extreme anger towards me that is just under the surface waiting to erupt at the least provocation. Maybe some of both?

All I know is whatever the cause our relationship has deteriorated maybe beyond repair. He demonstrates practically no friendliness towards me unless he is "kissing up" because he wants something. He makes it obvious that he has little or no respect for me as a human being, let alone as his mother. It's very hard living in such a negative and hostile environment and the only way I can see to change is is to simply remove him from my home, possibly my life until/unless he a) does something constructive with his own life and b) decides he wants a relationship with me that is based on mutual love, friendship, affection and respect.

[stevetcg]

As for witnesses there were none. Being the slick manipulator that he is he always manages to "lose control" when no one is around or within earshot.

That is inconsistent with bipolarism. Sounds more to me like he is just abusive towards you and uses excuses that cause you to be more sympathetic than you would if he was just being insolent.

My recommendation would be to file for a restraining/protective order and let the court sort out if he has an actual medical issue or not. Because frankly, a medical issue is no excuse.

Sorry I was unable to answer your questions about legal aid. I am glad some of the other regulars were able to help you find the information you needed.

Best of luck and keep us posted.

[Sunflowers]

The son's behavior is consistent with hypomanic phase of bipolar.

[BlueMoodsNJustin]

The son's behavior is consistant with hypomanic phase of bipolar.

I too have wondered for years how much of his behavior towards me is based on a mental disorder and how much is just anger and hostility.

Sunflowers are you saying that his ability to somewhat pick when/where he loses it IS characteristic of bipolar disorder?

He does go off sometimes on his friends, and he and his boyfriend fight like cats and dogs but never to the severity that he uses on me. But those episodes don't last and his friends seem better able to tolerate it, for several possible reasons. They don't live with him, they haven't been dealing with this for almost 20 years, and their relationships aren't as strained as his and my relationship. Although he did have a lenthy online friendship with a young man in NYC and last summer this young man was kind enough to fly my son up there for a two week visit, all expenses paid. Julio couldn't take any time off form work so at those times my son would explore the city and ended up meeting two or three other new "friends." Eventually he started blowing Julio off to hang out with his new buddies which of course caused a lot of friction and ultimately Julio told my son 3 days before he was to come home that he would have to stay somewhere else for the rest of his visit. I've talked with Julio and my son's behavior towards him was strikingly similar to what I get from him, and of course my son blames Julio completely (also typical)

Here's another thought/question: can these outbursts be triggered by certain people, places, events, etc which would make sense to me so that he might be more prone to "go off" on me as opposed to someone else because of the anger and resentment towards me where he wouldn't be as prone to lose it in other environments?

BTW I didn't get to call Legal Aid today as their office is closed during my lunch break which is the only time during the work day I can make lenghtly phone calls. I'm off tomorrow however and will be calling them first thing in the morning.

[Sunflowers]

I too have wondered for years how much of his behavior towards me is based on a mental disorder and how much is just anger and hostility.

Sunflowers are you saying that his ability to somewhat pick and choose when/where he loses it IS characteristic of bipolar disorder?
I believe YES because in a hypomanic phase they have the ability to improvise easily, quickly on the spot.

He does go off sometimes on his friends, and he and his boyfriend fight like cats and dogs but never to the severity that he uses on me. But those episodes don't last and his friends seem better able to tolerate it, for several possible reasons. They don't live with him, they haven't been dealing with this for almost 20 years, and their relationships aren't as strained as his and my relationship. Although he did have a lenthy online friendship with a young man in NYC and last summer this young man was kind enough to fly my son up there for a two week visit, all expenses paid. Julio couldn't take any time off form work so at those times my son would explore the city and ended up meeting two or three other new "friends." Eventually he started blowing Julio off to hang out with his new buddies which of course caused alot of friction and ultimately Julio told my son 3 days before he was to come home that he would have to stay somewhere else for the rest of his visit. I've talked with Julio and my son's behavior towards him was strikingly similar to what I get from him, and of course my son blames Julio completely (also typical)

This is also typical hypomanic behavior and response of becoming impatient or hostile when questioned or not getting what he wants.

Here's another thought/question: can these outbursts be triggered by certain people, places, events, etc which would make sense to me so that he might be more prone to "go off" on me as opposed to someone else because of the anger and resentment towards me where he wouldn't be as prone to lose it in other enviroments?

Yes its true, usually the parent or spouse is blamed by the bipolar for ALL or most of their problelms.

BTW I didn't get to call Legal Aid today as their office is closed during my lunch break which is the only time during the work day I can make lenghtly phone calls. I'm off tomorrow however and will be calling them first thing in the morning.

What age was your son diagnosed, just curious? Often times bipolar disorder is worse around the age your son is now.

It is also possible he could be cycling between hypomania and mania.

[simoneaugie]

He goes off on you when nobody else can see or hear it? That is the typical behavior of someone who benefits from being abusive. If his manipulation and abuse were common knowledge, it would be much more difficult for him to exert control over you.

If this were your life partner instead of your son would you react differently? If your next-door-neighbor came to you for help saying that her husband was behaving this way, what advise would you give?

My ex-husband did this to me. He would also break things that he knew were precious to me. Then told me it was my fault because I had made him angry. My family and friends only saw what a nice guy he was in public. They couldn't believe that I was complaining about him or that it was really, really bad and escalating.

I got one of those tape recorders that is activated by sound. After I'd recorded several episodes of his behind-closed-doors behavior, I played it for my family. They helped me get out of there immediately. The tape wasn't admissible in court of course but provided evidence that brought emotional support.

[Sunflowers]

Sorry that isn't easy to read

I believe YES because in a hypomanic phase they have the ability to improvise easily, quickly on the spot.

This is also typical hypomanic behavior and response of becoming impatient or hostile when questioned or not getting what he wants.

Yes its true, usually the parent or spouse is blamed by the bipolar for ALL or most of their problelms.

I hope that is easier.

[BlueMoodsNJustin]

Got some really good info today but he's at home right now so will update this evening or tomorrow.

Just the info alone, without having even acted on it, has lifted a 2 ton weight off my shoulders.

More later!

[BlueMoodsNJustin]

So here's what I found out today:

First of all Legal Aid does provide free legal advice, but not legal representation. Thankfully I shouldn't need legal representation anyway.

I'm not looking an an eviction because this is not a landlord-tenant situation. The action that suits my situation is called "ejectment" (never heard of that before today) which deals with an entitled person (home owner, renter, etc) vs. someone who is being allowed to live there but is not legally entitled.

It's a legal process where I have to file the ejectment, my son would be served and have 20 days to answer the summons. If he doesn't answer or contest then the motion would be granted pretty much automatically. If he did contest then there would be a court hearing. And my landlord doesn't come into the equation at all. I made a point of asking that since if he became involved could possibly have repurcussions on me either being evicted or having to pay the fine I mentioned in my original post.

Of course that isn't free, it's $275 to file and $20 to have the papers served. I'm taking up a collection, dontations may be sent to my email address and I take all major credit cards LOL.

Dummy me forgot to ask what my recourse would be should my son after being served decide to retaliate by smashing all my belongings. Got to call them back asap for the answer on that one.

[Wondergirl]

Dummy me forgot to ask what my recourse would be should my son after being served decide to retaliate by smashing all my belongings. Gotta call them back asap for the answer on that one.

Yeah, that's the part that especially worries me. Let us know when you find out something.

Great fact-finding work!

[stevetcg]

Dummy me forgot to ask what my recourse would be should my son after being served decide to retaliate by smashing all my belongings. Gotta call them back asap for the answer on that one.

Have him arrested and don't bail him out.