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mocha81 · May 1, 2009, 01:04 PM

I've been with my boyfriend for 11 months now and we love each other. Spend pretty much every minute of the day together. We also work together. We do not live together though.

At the beginning of our relationship I thought he and this other woman liked each other. Later on he ended up asking me out and here we are 11 months later.. This woman transferred out of town for a few months and I was relieved she was gone. 3 months later she ends up transferring back for family reasons and it seems like they're getting closer. I wouldn't say he's cheating on me but it's like he's smiling when he sees her and seems to care about what's going on in her life more than anyone else.

He would joke around about threesome someday and I know he kept asking months ago well if we did do that who would you have in mind.. just to say. And I knew it I knew he had her in mind.. I'd never ever do that. Lately every time he'll mention anything about her or I hear her name from anyone else or see her around at work I can't stand her.

I don't know if this is just me imagining this. Or if something is going on with them. I feel like I'm distancing myself from him over this. What should I do or say?

Alty · May 1, 2009, 01:07 PM

Confront him, ask him what's going on.

If you can't talk to him then this relationship won't last.

Communication is key, not go insert the key in the lock!

Good luck.

I wish · May 1, 2009, 01:17 PM

He's obviously attracted to this woman. It's time to confront him about this issue.

Fuzzball_Kara · May 1, 2009, 01:21 PM

Altenweg is right. You need to talk to him about that and your feelings regarding this woman. A relationship without communication is like a goldfish out of ranch... That makes me hungry.

If you tell him, he will truly listen to what you have to say if he loves you. If he doesn't listen... cyu mister!

Mary99 · May 1, 2009, 04:03 PM

Definitely ask him about her. Also tell him it bothers you when he talks about threesomes with her. If he doesn't seem interested in the conversation or avoids your questions. I would be worried about continuing a relationship with him

mocha81 · May 2, 2009, 06:34 AM

She gets under my skin at work acting rude and then all of a sudden act nice with me. Feel like she's testing me or something and he'll just brush it off saying it's nothing or it's just the way she is. ( not about the rude and nice thing but the way she'll "joke" around)

talaniman · May 2, 2009, 10:05 AM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...rt-243181.html

Is this the guy in question?? Don't let this female push your buttons, and drive a wedge between you. Talk to him, and let him know what she is doing, and how you feel about it.

Its rough when you have to see someone everyday, and they are in your face with BS.

mocha81 · May 4, 2009, 03:03 AM

I've talked to him about the way she's been with me and he said oh she's just used to working with guys.. she's worked with us for over a year and there are more girls that we work with then guys. Ok maybe in the past but you adjust. That's a lame excuse.

Gemini54 · May 4, 2009, 04:20 AM

I think it sounds a little suspicious.

But firstly you need to talk to him about your relationship with him, not about her relationship with you. He can't do anything about her behaviour, but he can do something about his behaviour. Especially the stuff about the threesomes.

You can also do something about your reactions to her. Ignore her and don't take it personally, it sounds as if she's trying to get a reaction from you, and possibly drive a wedge between you and your BF. She'll eventually stop when she sees that she doesn't have an effect on you.

Romefalls19 · May 4, 2009, 07:44 AM

The only way you are going to get anywhere is if you talk to him, this relationship won't last if you don't talk to him

talaniman · May 4, 2009, 08:12 AM

Your whole problem starts, and ends with how you deal with this female. If you let her drive that wedge between you two, then she wins. I would ignore her, and not let her push your buttons like that.

Your boyfriend is a totally different issue though. As don't beat a dead horse, but let him know you don't want to hear anything about her, and a mention of a 3 some with her, gets a stern tongue lashing.