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    ric_c_83's Avatar
    ric_c_83 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    May 1, 2009, 07:08 AM
    Cant stop thinking about her!
    I was with my ex for over four years. A month ago she decided to tell me she no longer loves me and it was over! We have 2 boys. She will only let me see them at the weekends. I've tried to moved on but I cant! Ive been txting her, emailing her ringing er and even set her a letter. All of this because I love her and want to be with her and my boys. She says I'm starking her and she wants nothing to do with me. Every time I go around my little boys starts crying saying he does not want me to go! She told me the other day he also cry's when I'm not there asking why daddy is not there and when is he coming back?! She reckons its my fault and that I'm using them emotionally! I miss them so much and love them so much! I then start thinking about her with some one else holding hands kissing and I get myself in such a state that I can't explain!! I love her so much. How do I move on? I've tried going out but everything reminds me off her. Music TV it all reminds me off her! What do I do? Help!!
    Megan2345's Avatar
    Megan2345 Posts: 239, Reputation: 8
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    #2

    May 1, 2009, 08:57 AM

    I'm so sorry to hear that. As far as getting back with your girl, you could offer to go to couples therapy to work out your issues with her. I think it is important to talk to her about your boys, discuss what to tell them when they ask about you. It couldn't hurt to keep a record of when she lets you see them and for how long, how they seemed, etc. In case you two go to court. Good luck!
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
    Family & People Expert
     
    #3

    May 1, 2009, 09:43 AM

    First of all, you can't force someone to love you. If she doesn't feel the same way anymore, you have to accept that. Leave her alone, you're just torturing yourself and her.

    The reason you have so much trouble moving on is because you have too much contact with her. Every time you see her again, you restart all the progress you make during moving on.

    You have to start blocking her out of your life. As for your kids, I suggest that you only see them when she's not around. Arrange to pick them up on the weekends.

    You've got a lot of work to do with respect to moving on.
    Horth's Avatar
    Horth Posts: 16, Reputation: 3
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    #4

    May 1, 2009, 12:59 PM
    Have you tried getting custody of the children? I know 99% of the time women have top priority with children but just because she tells you, you can only see them during the weekend doesn't make it legal.

    Don't go psycho about texting, emailing, letters, w/e. She could probably use that against if you try to see your kids. I know it doesn't help that you have to see her when you arrange time to see your kids but buddy you have to realize she doesn't want you. Focus on the most important thing in your life (your children). When you figure out how that's going to work move on from there.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    May 2, 2009, 08:02 PM

    Get a lawyer, and find out what you can do to put your kids in your life and be a good dad. Break ups suck, but children are forever.
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
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    #6

    May 2, 2009, 08:19 PM

    Right now she is just the mother of your kids. You need to learn to take the focus off her and focus on Your kids. What the two of you had is dead. You can only think of your kids from this point on.

    You have rights as a father and can go through the courts to enforce these right.
    ric_c_83's Avatar
    ric_c_83 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    May 4, 2009, 09:11 AM

    Thank you all for your advise. I feel so stupid because I see her on Facebook flirting with every to, and harry and inviting them bk 2 da house. She has changed so much! I'm still trying to sort things out. I don't want my boys to be a mother who is like this and yet I still care for her!!
    Romefalls19's Avatar
    Romefalls19 Posts: 4,739, Reputation: 1130
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    #8

    May 4, 2009, 09:13 AM

    You need to get a lawyer, it will be unhealthy for the children to see their mother bringing new guys home. Be a good dad, raise your children but go the legal route.
    ric_c_83's Avatar
    ric_c_83 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    May 11, 2009, 07:49 AM
    Its been a month and she is with some one all ready!
    Threads merged

    The mother of my kids split up with just over a month ago. She decided that she no longer loved me after 4/5 yrs. I've tried to move on but I can't stop thinking about her. On Sunday I found out she went out with another guy on a date! Its made me feel even worse than I all ready did! Help me how do is top thinking about her and move on?
    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,653, Reputation: 1319
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    #10

    May 11, 2009, 08:05 AM

    It takes time, and I know first hand that it hurts to see this. I wish there was some magic pill to make it all go away, but sadly, there isn't. Just try and stay busy with other things, and of course, focus your energy on your children. Good luck man! Sorry you have to go through this.
    SAB123's Avatar
    SAB123 Posts: 685, Reputation: 94
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    #11

    May 11, 2009, 02:11 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ric_c_83 View Post
    i feel so stupid because i see her on facebook flirting with every to, and harry and inviting them bk 2 da house.
    First off YOU need to stay off Facebook and I would assume your trying to fish information about your ex from others. DO NOT do this. I did this and found out she had a new boyfriend. I was crushed. Sometimes what you don't know won't hurt you. In time you WILL heal. Trust me on this, but it takes time.
    Lonelyandbroken's Avatar
    Lonelyandbroken Posts: 118, Reputation: 15
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    #12

    May 11, 2009, 03:35 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by SAB123 View Post
    First off YOU need to stay off facebook and I would assume your trying to fish information about your ex from others. DO NOT do this. I did this and found out she had a new boyfriend. I was crushed. Sometimes what you don't know wont hurt you. In time you WILL heal. Trust me on this, but it takes time.
    I agree. Your only setting yourself up for some major hurt. I've done it and it sucks. B/c it comes across like there bragging about there new relationship.
    ric_c_83's Avatar
    ric_c_83 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    May 13, 2009, 07:52 AM
    How do I move on like she has?
    Threads merged again, if you need help with using this site ask for it.

    After 4/5 years my broke up with me with me. She has kept the house and our 2 boys. Its been 6 weeks and I'm in bits but she has some one all ready! How do I move on? Should I find some else?
    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,653, Reputation: 1319
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    #14

    May 13, 2009, 08:10 AM

    No, you shouldn't find someone else. Don't put the burden of your lonliness and sorrow on someone else's shoulders. First and foremost, you need to concentrate on your life, your kids and your career. Get yourself together as a complete person again before you even think about dating someone.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #15

    May 13, 2009, 08:32 AM

    Handle your business like a man should, and cry later.
    ric_c_83's Avatar
    ric_c_83 Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #16

    Jul 1, 2009, 05:24 AM
    Why cant I move on?
    Its 3 months today since my ex of 4/5 years and mother of my 2 boys kicked me out! I've tried everything to move on but I cant! She decided to tell today that she is with sum one else! It killed me. I don't know what else to do! Its eating me inside this other guy in my house in my bed watching my TV with my boys! Please help I don't know what else to do and how much more I can take!

    She decided she no longer wanted to be with me no longer loved me! She has kept the house and I had 2 move bk in 2 my parents house! I was seeing the boys and th week but she is trying to stop me from seeing them! She is a class a bitc* and I have no idea why I cnt just move on and forget her!
    wakeupcall13's Avatar
    wakeupcall13 Posts: 35, Reputation: 5
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    #17

    Jul 1, 2009, 06:11 AM

    What happened between you and your wife/girlfriend? Do you have visitation rights for your boys? What are your living arrangements now?
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
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    #18

    Jul 1, 2009, 06:31 AM
    First of all, why the "hell-o" did you allow her to "kick" you out of the marital residence and have another guy move in in your place? Any legal precedent will regard a marital residence as just that ; a home, whether owned or rented, for the benefit of the two of you and your children. Nobody else has rights to it unless you both consent. And one spouse doesn't have the right to simply "kick out" the other just because she doesn't want to be with him anymore. This holds true even if she singularly bought the home before you even met, then you ended up moving in. You say you've been together for 4/5 years. That's more than enough time, so the home is now marital property regardless of who originally bought it, like it or not. Now if the other spouse is made to leave by court order, that's something else again, but that would only happen in the case of substantial abuse and/or endangerment. I guess what's done is done and I don't want to preach to you, but frankly I would've made her move out. That's exactly what I did when my old lady told me she didn't want to be with me anymore. I pointed out the front door and told her that if she wanted to leave there weren't any bars or chains on it keeping her there but that I wasn't going anywhere. And I didn't.
    simoneaugie's Avatar
    simoneaugie Posts: 2,490, Reputation: 438
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    #19

    Jul 1, 2009, 03:53 PM

    What's done is done. You're out of the house. How do you move on?

    Were you married to her? If so, divorce. If the children are yours, you're on their birth certificate a parenting plan needs to be done. Whether you were married or not, if the boys are yours, child support will need to be paid. If the children live primarily with you, she will pay child support. In any case, the kids need to see you, their dad, regularly, a court order can support visitation.

    So, how do you move on? Take steps to legalize the present situation. Find a lawer to guide you through the process. Plan for the future of your sons and do plenty of paper and footwork. You'll be glad you did.
    mum2five's Avatar
    mum2five Posts: 171, Reputation: 32
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    #20

    Jul 1, 2009, 04:16 PM
    Some relationships end suddenly, some erode over time. Whatever the circumstances, breaking up is a bleak time for all involved.
    For most people, it's a shock when a relationship breaks down. Even if you've known for some time that things aren't working out, the final decision to part will stay with you for a long time.

    Understanding why your relationship failed is the first step towards recovery. Many people get locked into questioning: Whose fault it is? What did I do wrong? How could they do that to me? This is understandable, but a more positive approach is to focus on the relationship, rather than individual responsibility.

    Although the answers may be upsetting, the greater the understanding, the easier it'll be to let go and move on. During this time you'll experience many emotions, including anger, sadness, guilt and confusion.

    The children must be very upset and confused by this sudden new man in not only their lives but their home , I think on a persoanl level your wife is not at all thinking about her children.This is undoubtedly one of the toughest times to be a parent, but your children need to know what's happening. You may think that hiding the severity of the situation protects them but it does not.The amount of information you give them will depend on their ages, but they should be encouraged to ask as many questions as they need. Remember, you don't have to hide your feelings to reassure them that they're loved. In fact, sharing appropriately what you feel will help them make sense of their own emotions and feel OK about showing them.

    You need to contact a solicitor and do it now to arrange access rights to your children , she has no right (unless you were a danger to the children) to stop you from having regualar contact - THIS MADDENS ME but this is not the place for me to rant about women who meet a new guy and put them before their children!! But PLEASE PLAESE when you do regain contact with your little ones do not spend all the time you have with them asking about mummies new life with the new guy!!

    After a relationship breakdown, many people find themselves struggling with feelings of low self-esteem and self-confidence, and with so many things to organise it can be easy to forget to give yourself time for your own feelings. Be gentle with yourself and gratefully receive all the support you can get from friends and family and us here are here to help and listen.

    If you are having difficulty getting over it and still feel dreadful then its time to seek professional help not because you are abnormal but because lack of understanding can make you feel worse. To recover you must start having emotional faith in yourself once again.

    Don't drown your sorrows, you'll only feel worse.
    Keep to a healthy routine.
    Be nice to yourself - pamper yourself.
    Exercise - even just walking with a friend.
    Make a plan for the future. Set some new goals.
    Keep busy, don't spend too much time on your own.
    Change your routine, join a class and meet new people.
    Don't rush to find a replacement. Take time to recover first.

    The above were a few tips I wrote down and tried to do myselfe. I am sure there were more but can not think off the top of my head.

    Do not do what many of us have done or would do and that is sit around going over and over it - it has happened - nothing you can do to change the past - BUT you can change the future. The future is now being a fantastic father to your children who at this time need you to be there for them.

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