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lilred2006 · Apr 29, 2009, 07:52 PM

The father of my seven year old and my ex-husband left when my daughter was a year. Up until the age of for her dad was in her life off and on but never was never reliable with his visitation, made up awful lies and would tell them to our daughter about me and my family and was just not a good dad. My daughter now calls my husband dad and feels that her real dad is just not a very good person or dad. Now, after three years her dad calls me and is ready to be in her life. I have full custody but we did have visitation arrangements. He has paid child support off and on - currently not, has been court ordered to pay day care expenses but isn't so is in contempt of court. What should I do? Do I have to allow him visitation? Can I arrange it so that's is supervised? In my heart, I know that this will likely only be a temporary thing and she will have her nearly mended heart broken all over again...

Megan2345 · Apr 30, 2009, 04:16 PM

Young girls get themselves esteem from their fathers or father like figures. I think it would be best for her if he stayed out of her life for good rather than popping in and out. It could severely damage her sense of self worth, and eventually lead to relationship problems when she's older. (I'm speaking from personal experience) I would encourage you to get her involved with an uncle, or her grandpa, someone that can help fill that void and help her see that she is worthwhile. Good luck!

Fr_Chuck · Apr 30, 2009, 06:12 PM

Of course children view of their fathers can come from the opinion of the mother. But then not being in their life hurts also.

But the issue is there is a current court order ( I would assume) him not paying has no bearing on his rights to visits.

If you want to change his visits to supervised you will have to take him back to court. Also if you are having collection issues you should take him back to court or turn it over child support enforcement.

If he has a court order for visits and you do not honor it, he can even take you back to court.

mishelly3 · May 2, 2009, 12:34 AM

I don't know what the laws are where you live, but here in Washington state he has every right to see his child no matter how long he has been out of her life. I have a now 16 yr old son when he was younger his father did the same as your ex and every lawyer I said if he is CURRENT on child support he has all of his rights. Read your parneting plan good. I also have an older daughter by him also and to this day is so hurt and devistated by her father not wanting to see her .So my advise to you is make sure your doing this for her don't let any anger take over.

ScottGem · May 2, 2009, 05:56 AM

Visitation and child support are usually kept separate. A parent generally does not have to be current in support payments to exercise rights under an existing visitation order. Nor to even get a visitation order.

So what you need to do is go back to court and ask that the visitation order be modified to supervised visits.