Check out some similar questions!

Ryan7484 · Sep 20, 2006, 05:42 PM

There is no relationship with the babies father... he was her ex boyfriend

chuff · Sep 21, 2006, 01:00 AM

Originally Posted by Ryan7484

i talk to her everyday on the phone she has never gave me a reason to believe she was out cheating....

They usually never do or if they do you don't see it because your emotionally wrapped up in her. In this situation if you only see her once a month it would be very easy for her not to give you a reason.

Originally Posted by Ryan7484

She did tell me that she was in denial the whole time about the pregnancy she didnt want to believe she was pregnant....thanks for the replys

I know that getting pregnant at the wrong time in life can be tramatic but how can you be in denial for 9 months? That answers the question if she knew or not. She knew... and she lied to you, or at the very least with held extremely important information. There's no question she lied to herself. I think that she has some problems she needs to work out before you should get involved with her.

talaniman · Sep 21, 2006, 06:26 AM

The problem with a long distance relationship is you can't see the facts for yourself and you must depend on the honesty of a stranger to tell you what's happening. Not an easy thing to do in my opinion. How can someone tell you the truth and not know it themselves? HHMMMM!! Now that the blinders are off maybe you should step back and examine everything that's been told to you and try and get the facts , the real facts before you swallow any more crap hook ,line. And sinker. A relationship cannot be built to last on lies, have truths, or ignorance, which you have let happen so make sure you see the part you played in this drama. Think long and hard about your next move and I hope you use your own senses and not rely on someone else's reality, or agenda.

Wildcat21 · Sep 21, 2006, 07:37 AM

How can you question that? A lot of people just can't take care of a child.

I HATE THE FACT THE JOKER HAS NOT COME BACK ANSWERED SOME OF OUR QUESTIONS. We spend al lthis time giving advice and we can't really answer without more detail. This happens all the time here.

I have a feeling this was not a real relationship - maybe they met a couple times. He probably had not seen her in months.

Ryan7484 · Sep 21, 2006, 09:12 AM

I have been back to answer questions wildcat... every question that was asked I answered.. This is a real relationship... I spent 3 months in the beginning of our relationship with her everyday because I lived there... I am in the Navy and now I'm stationed in another state

Wildcat21 · Sep 21, 2006, 09:51 AM

Hmmmm - I still don't get the baby thing. There's no way she didn't know.

Is she heavey?

When was the last time you saw her? 4 months?

Ryan7484 · Sep 21, 2006, 10:16 AM

Yes she is heavy... she thought she was just gaining weight.. honestly I couldn't even tell she was pregnant... The last time I saw her was 3 weeks ago

Wildcat21 · Sep 21, 2006, 10:50 AM

Ok - that makes sense - gald you have seen her recenly - and the Navy makes sense as well. Yes - it's not your baby - and things should be OK if you've only seen her for 7 months.

But, I don't see how she didn't know. Maybe the ladies here can shed light.

I do think things can/are/will be OK with you two - give her strong support. This is a real adult thing.

Is she giving the baby up for adoption?

Wildcat was put up for adoption at birth - ended up with a GREAT loving family who totally took care of him. I was very fortunate. My birth mother was a college student at Northwestern. Adoption is a good thing. I went through the best adoption agency in the world. My parents could not have kids and wanted them desperately. Many couples out there like that.

Ryan7484 · Sep 21, 2006, 11:35 AM

Im trying to be strong for her... but I can barely hold myself up I don't know if I can be strong enough for her...

Yes, the baby is going up for adoption. She chose adoption because she's 18 and works fulltime at an under paid job and she goes to school fulltime. She wants a better life for him and she knows that right now in her life she can't give him what he deserves. She has chosen a family for the baby its an "open adoption" meaning she can get pictures of the baby and all of that kind of stuff.. She comes home today from the hospital and I know she's going to be hurting I just don't know how much longer I can be strong for her.

talaniman · Sep 21, 2006, 11:38 AM

Yes the Navy thing makes sense as I could never imagine a long distance relationship with out me trying to be with the apple of my eye all the time,just me though.

Wildcat21 · Sep 21, 2006, 11:46 AM

Ryan - this sounds like a GOOD situation. I think it's best the baby is up for adoption. No question - considering the father is not around either - I assume he is long gone and probably doesn't care.

Ryan7484 · Sep 21, 2006, 11:50 AM

Yea, the father is long gone. She doesn't want anything to do with the father because of certain circumstances.. Thanks for the advice wildcat. Now I just hope I can be strong enough for her

Wildcat21 · Sep 21, 2006, 11:58 AM

Be strong. Take deep breaths. Workout. Stay in strong contact with her - SHE NEEDS YOU AS FAR AS I CAN TELL.

Think of the goods times with her.

Ryan7484 · Sep 21, 2006, 12:02 PM

I've been in a lot of contact with her... I call and check on her all day.. I guess I'm not only hurting for myself but also hurting for her. I can't imagine putting my baby up for adoption and I know she's hurting but I feel like my hands are tied and there's nothing I can do... Im hurting a lot and I have a lot of mixed emotions but I know she needs me more then ever right now... I can feel myself starting to break though...

Wildcat21 · Sep 21, 2006, 12:42 PM

Just LISTEN to her. Just listen. Nothing you can do. Help her work it out. Be the man!

kp2171 · Sep 21, 2006, 01:28 PM

Originally Posted by kp2171

...not all women are regular, and some have weight fluctuations anyway. doesnt mean she didnt cover it up, but it doesnt sound that way.

What did I say? And the link I put on later showed a woman who went through the same thing assuming it was simply weight gain. More digging and I've found other threads on other discussion boards where women who were pregnant didn't know until 6-7 months in due to issues like commonly irregular cycles, weight issues. Not good for prenatal care, but it happens. Yours is an extreme case, but I said from the start its possible.

If you believe that this is the case... that she really didn't mean to deceive you, then everything I said from the beginning still counts. It is hard to imagine she wanted to knowingly carry a baby to term, put it up for adoption, and test your relationship. So don't punish her. Who she was with before you doesn't make her less worthy of your attention. And if she really has gone through this ordeal honestly, then she deserves some support.

You, also, should allow yourself to be confused and not feel guilty.

Presleygall85 · Sep 21, 2006, 01:33 PM

You both need to help each other get through this.. this is not all about her you need her comfort as much as she needs yours!

Ryan7484 · Sep 21, 2006, 01:37 PM

She apologizes to me quite often for everything that has happened and she blames herself a lot... I just tell her that its OK and we can work threw this together... Im not holding anything against her, for this was done before we started dating or even met. I honestly don't think she meant to decieve me but I still kind of feel betrayed. I don't blame her for anything though because I can only imagine what she is going threw right now..

Presleygall85 · Sep 21, 2006, 01:49 PM

See you have the perfect state of mind.. you know what your doing, I honestly think you guys will be fine!
By the way you have every right to feel betrayed, it might take you awhile to get over it too but it is okay. Just make sure you try and talk all of it out with her instead of bottling it up and trying to forget about it.. make sure you are okay before you see her! :)

Wildcat21 · Sep 21, 2006, 02:36 PM

Ryan - that's very normal to feel that way. It's OK. Time will heel this - I am 100% sure. Just take your time with this.