[gtech619]

My wife keeps contact with an Ex high school sweetheart. They broke up over something really dumb, however she only speeks highly of him.

He calls every once and a while, keeping up with her life. He just recently starting dating a girl, the first since my wife.

My wife wants to use this opportunity to meet his new girlfriend.

I don't like it. I feel somewhat insecure, but I don't feel that they had closure and she will not listen to me when I ask her not to do it. Should I let her do what she wants? Or do I have a reason for her not to do this.

[Here_To_Help- Jon]

How long have you been married. How long ago was her relationship with this guy? I would ask her "why" she wants to meet this girlfriend. Id also ask if you can come along for the meeting. It won't be fun for you... but you will see things first hand.

[Presleygall85]

I agree with Jon, We need a little more detail but definitely ask if you can tag along.. that way you will see everything and how they talk to each other. It will stop your suspition (sp). :) Good luck

[Skell]

It seems a little strange to me and I wouldn't be overly fussed about it either. Even the constant contact would worry me a little, maybe. But I suppose it is nice if she can be friends with an ex (I suppose).

But you should definitely suggest that you go along too! Why can't the four of you go for dinner or coffee?

You're her husband so you have every right to go along with her in my opinion!

[momincali]

If her intent was to remain friends because she thought he was such a good person, than why not make him your friend too? Why not encourage your friendship with him? It sounds like she doesn't see him much but speaks to him from time to time (that you know of), why wouldn't you be invited to come along, how could it hurt?

I would tell her that if my feelings were less important than her trivial desire to be nosey about his new girlfriend, than she must not be as committed to you and your marriage as you thought. She is purposefully excluding you and that doesn't ring right. Your insecurity has nothing to do with it, what she's doing is questionable. Have you spoken to her about it? You said "she will not listen to me when I ask her not to do it", exactly what did you say to her and what was her response?

[J_9]

Had to spread the love Skell, I agree it is a little strange, but I am great friends with my hubbys first ex girlfirend in high school. We are like best buddies. Never met in person, but talk over the phone and e-mail, so it is all possible with an open mind.

[momincali]

Janine, it is very possible, and the reason it works well is because she has also become your good friend, not just his. Someone I dated for a while became my best friend. However, when I met my husband, I told him about him and encouraged that friendship and it indeed blossomed. They are like brothers now. He is an uncle to my children and when he finally meets Mrs. Right, I will be with him to pick out the ring and be his best Wo-Man in the wedding. If she were to include him in everything, he would feel better about it I'm sure.

[s_cianci]

You have every reason ; she's married to you. Ex-boyfriends are off limits, period. How would she like it if the situation were reversed ; an old girlfriend calling you "every once in a while" and you going out to meet her now boyfriend? I bet she wouldn't like it very much at all! Whether they had "closure" or not is no longer anyone's problem, so sure as hell don't let it affect you or your marriage.

[Skell]

Mom is right.
In both these instances both paeople in the marriage are friends with the ex. Not just one. That is unhealthy and reason for concern I would feel!

[gtech619]

Thank all of you for your responses. Let me give you more information.

She was with a Guy 5 years ago. They were together for 2 years, she had one abortion with him, and they were engaged. She left him because he did not tell his parents that they were engaged. After the break up they remained friends.

When we got married she talked to him on the phone once a month or longer. I did not let the bug me too much.

But her ex did not date a single person until this point 5 years later. I think he is still in love with my wife.

Now that he has a girlfriend, she is quite intent on making sure that she is right for him.

I never keep in contact with me Ex's because once you are intamate with someone your relationship can never be the same.

What do you think?

[talaniman]

All my friends became our friends when I got married. My female friends and my wife are very good friends to this day. If I can't hang with her friends then I would be pissed and somebody better tell me why not.

[momincali]

See, in my opinion, when you get married, all of that single behavior is supposed to be in your past. I don't get couples who don't share a checking account because in my opinion, if you have to have a his and hers account, then something just isn't right. Same thing goes with the friends. While you date, you get familiar with each other's friends, go out, talk, get to know 'em. When you're married, they become friends of the family. I'm not saying you go to dinner with your wife's female friends without her just because they're your friends too, I mean, common sense and all. I just get the feeling that he's right, they're not finished and she really doesn't show enough concern about his feelings. She doesn't need to be so involved with his love life, she needs to be worrying about her own.

[Xaniz]

You that's messed up he is way out of bounds