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bridgebutt304 · Apr 24, 2009, 07:46 PM

At the end of February my life was shattered when the guy I honestly thought I was going to marry was killed in a tragic motorcycle accident. It was so sudden. I'm still so bitter. I get mad at happy couples or when people take something for granted. I get angry that it was a 16 year old that hit him because I keep thinking if it was an older driver they would have swerved sooner. I get mad at him for running the light. I'm mad at God for taking away my hapiness and that my friends and loved ones keep getting hurt and there's nothing I can do. I just want to know that there's hope. I want to stop hearing that everything is "going to be okay" and that "everything happens for a reason." They just don't help. I need better reassurance. What do I do? Where do/can I go from here? I want to know that other people have survived this. I'm tired of seeing it in the movies; I want to know it can happen in real life. That I won't feel like this forever. What can I do when I'm trying so hard to live and everything keeps pushing me back down?
Any advice... anything at all?

Clough · Apr 25, 2009, 03:42 PM

Hi, bridgebutt304!

I'm so sorry about your boyfriend! Are you a member of any religious denomination?

Having to deal with a sudden, and what would seem to be an unfair loss is an awful thing to go through! But, you can cope with it. It's a matter of choices that you make.

You do need to give yourself time and try to involve yourself in long-term activities where you'll be around people and can plan ahead for something in the future rather than in dwelling in the past. We can't undo the past, but we can plan ahead and for the future. That too, is a matter of choice...

Thanks!

bridgebutt304 · Apr 25, 2009, 04:05 PM

Originally Posted by Clough

Hi, bridgebutt304!

I'm so sorry about your boyfriend! Are you a member of any religious denomination?

Having to deal with a sudden, and what would seem to be an unfair loss is an awful thing to go through! But, you can cope with it. It's a matter of choices that you make.

You do need to give yourself time and try to involve yourself in long-term activities where you'll be around people and can plan ahead for something in the future rather than in dwelling in the past. We can't undo the past, but we can plan ahead and for the future. That too, is a matter of choice...

Thanks!

Thank you- I am Catholic.
I'm trying to stay busy and trying to find a job. Just with the economy how it is the job isn't working out to great at the moment.

Clough · Apr 25, 2009, 04:12 PM

If you would like to do it, there is an activity that I like to do with people on this site in order to help them to feel better about themselves. If you would like to do it, it might help you to work through how your feeling and thinking.

Please let me know...

Thanks!

Clough · Apr 25, 2009, 04:25 PM

Are you still there, bridgebutt304?

Thanks!

Gemini54 · Apr 25, 2009, 11:37 PM

It's such an awful thing to happen.

But in your heart you know that people get through it because there are real life examples every day of people doing it. I've had people close to me die and I know the feeling of anger and emptiness that remains. It seems so unfair and so senseless.

I can tell you, from experience, that life goes on. It does. You just have to live through it. Talk to the people that care about you - tell them how you feel. Watch movies that make you cry. Watch movies than make you laugh. Cry, rage, whatever.

Sometimes you'll feel like the grief will kill you. When you do think of the man in Tasmania (Australia) that had his wife and 2 young girls shot by a mass murderer. He's now re-married and has a young baby. Life goes on. Time heals. In the end you'll be wiser and stronger.

There is hope - always.

spoiled · May 5, 2009, 04:48 PM

I lost my boyfriend a month in a car accident, I don't no how to cope with his lost.all I do is cry can't eat,sleep.I had a headache,he was the love of my life I feel I can't stop loving him and will never love any one else in my life he was everything to me .I love him so much I don't no how to live with out him.

Raina28 · May 5, 2009, 05:54 PM

First off I am so sorry for your loss.
I think that any loss in your life takes a piece of you away and dealing with that pain is soooo hard. But in time you learn how to live with that piece of you gone. And when others enter your life it helps add a little bit back but I don't know if we are ever whole again. But be strong and realize that others have been there and you too can make it through.

JudyKayTee · May 10, 2009, 09:27 AM

[QUOTE=Comments on this post
Raina28 agrees: I'm so sorry -please see my entryQUOTE]

Please read the rules for agree/disagree - Ask Me Help Desk - FAQ: Terms of Service, FAQ and How To Use This Site.

The replies appear in order so there is no need to notify people that you have responded.

JudyKayTee · May 17, 2009, 07:59 AM

[QUOTE=Comments on this post
Raina28 disagrees: I was speeking to two different people and wanted to make sure they knew that. But thanksQUOTE]

So you misused the feature again to explain why you misused it in the first place? You came back after a 10 day absence to give me a revenge reddie?

Maybe now it's time for you to read the rules.

This is NOT a message board although you continue to use AMHD as if it were.

this8384 · May 18, 2009, 08:03 AM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

So you misused the feature again to explain why you misused it in the first place? You came back after a 10 day absence to give me a revenge reddie?

Maybe now it's time for you to read the rules.

This is NOT a message board although you continue to use AMHD as if it were.

Well, if she wasn't so busy "speeking" to everyone at one time, perhaps she'd have time to read the site rules...

candyfloss7 · May 25, 2009, 09:06 AM

Hi

I lost my husband in 2004 to cancer, he was 44 and I was 41 , even though it was different to your loss in the fact I knew beforehand he would eventually pass away , the hurt ,grief , helplessness ,loneliness etc etc is the same, there is no easy way to cope and try and get yourself to move on and lead the kind of life you had before he passed, I had a wonderful husband and our marriage was a very good one, 2 kids aged 13 and 17 ,living without him was hell for all of us, people say time is a healer and I hated that expression at the time , now 4 years down the line... time has healed our grief and sadness ( not totally ) we will always have that ache in our hearts , love never dies, but... I can tell you I am now re-married to a man I met who was also widowed around the same time as I was, I have found amazingly another wonderful love, it's not impossible, not easy at the beginning to think about another relationship , but what can I say , accepting the fact my husband wasn't coming back to me ,knowing deep in my heart I also didn't want to be alone in this life and that he wouldn't have wanted me to be alone helped me along in my struggling days, I have my Christian faith that helped me the most , the belief that eventually I will see him in our eternal life ahead , today would h ave been our 23rd wedding anniversary had he lived, I sat and had a quiet minute this morning and remembered the wonderful years we did have instead of the years we didn't , I pray that you will get through the coming weeks months and years with much greater ease than what you are now , only you can make the decision , its your choice, not an easy one I know , I hope at least hearing its possible to move on and share my experience will give you a little comfort and hope, God Bless you .

JudyKayTee · May 26, 2009, 07:09 AM

Originally Posted by candyfloss7

Hi

I lost my husband in 2004 to cancer, he was 44 and I was 41 , even though it was different to your loss in the fact I knew beforehand he would eventually pass away , the hurt ,grief , helplessness ,loneliness etc etc is the same, there is no easy way to cope and try and get yourself to move on and lead the kind of life you had before he passed, I had a wonderful husband and our marriage was a very good one, 2 kids aged 13 and 17 ,living without him was hell for all of us, people say time is a healer and I hated that expression at the time , now 4 years down the line ...time has healed our grief and sadness ( not totally ) we will always have that ache in our hearts , love never dies, but ...I can tell you I am now re-married to a man I met who was also widowed around the same time as I was, I have found amazingly another wonderful love, it's not impossible, not easy at the beginning to think about another relationship , but what can I say , accepting the fact my husband wasn't coming back to me ,knowing deep in my heart I also didnt want to be alone in this life and that he wouldnt have wanted me to be alone helped me along in my struggling days, I have my Christian faith that helped me the most , the belief that eventually I will see him in our eternal life ahead , today would h ave been our 23rd wedding anniversary had he lived, I sat and had a quiet minute this morning and remembered the wonderful years we did have instead of the years we didnt , I pray that you will get through the coming weeks months and years with much greater ease than what you are now , only you can make the decision , its your choice, not an easy one I know , I hope at least hearing its possible to move on and share my experience will give you a little comfort and hope, God Bless you .

I really am happy for you, happy that your life worked out the way it did, happy that you met someone and remarried.

Unfortunately at this point for me - and it could very well change tomorrow - the very THOUGHT that I will ever marry anyone is totally beyond my grasp.

In the very beginning people attempted to console me by saying, "Don't worry, you'll meet someone," which just further upset me. I felt that they thought my husband could simply be replaced by the next man who walked into my life. Time has made that a little easier to hear.

I find I hold every man I meet up to the yardstick of my husband, and they all fall short.

Was it difficult for you to move on?

candyfloss7 · May 27, 2009, 04:34 AM

I think in general for anyone re-marrying or being in a relationship the second time after having a wonderful man the first time around has to know and feel that no two people are the same, I was afraid of any comparisons that may have been made between me and his deceased wife happening , but to be honest both of us haven't done it , because I believe as I said we are not the same as someone else and because I love my new husband as much as I did my first spouse and the same for him loving me then it just doesn't happen , I'm not saying both of don't reflect at times on our past and remember certain things that happened , what was said or done, it does you cannot erase wonderful memories and as I said in my first response , Love never dies, I can't explain the feelings well in words , all I am trying to say is if and when you may meet someone else and possibly fall in love , just consider it a huge blessing and if you truly will be able to experience something most people never have at all in their lives ,more than one love .

I know everyone is different , I was like you at the beginning , not letting myself believe I would look at another man let alone fall in love and get married , all I can say is maybe you can view other men only as friends and if it happens it happens that a spark will fly and your feelings will change to love , I have to say the one thing , the fact that my husband himself had been widowed and not divorced was a plus as we both understood what we had both been through , nothing is easy at the beginning when all the pain of your lost love is intense , you just have to be a little patient and believe others that tell you time heals, and just because you may one day fall in love with another guy doesn't mean you love your first man any less , you're just blessed.
I pray for you and your future to be happy and content and that you can reach the point that I did , it really is magic .