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    NallaNeedsYou's Avatar
    NallaNeedsYou Posts: 162, Reputation: 9
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Apr 21, 2009, 08:53 AM
    I just want to know what girls TRULY look for in guys
    I have always had problems with girls. I'm 14 and haven't even kissed a gal in dares. But looking at the way people behave it seems that all girls think about is body, sex and hunk. I'm none of those... I'm calm, clever, academic and very mature. But that isn't what matters to the people around me. To me I'm not good enough because I'm not 'fit' and I'm not 'cool. I feel like such a reject but I know that I'm above that stuff. Its so shallow but it still brings me to tears when I sit by myself and am blanked whenver I speak to people. I want to know all the girly secrets! No hiding please. Maybe if I hunk myself and stay mature... maybe ill finally get a girlfriend. But I need everyone's advice and experiances. Thanks in advance!
    IheartEdward's Avatar
    IheartEdward Posts: 203, Reputation: 4
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    #2

    Apr 21, 2009, 09:20 AM

    Hey,

    well obviously I can't speak for all girls because everyone's after something different.

    Looks attract people first and really theirs nothing you can do about that but a lot of girls go for personality over looks.

    I'm 15, to be honest I don't know what attracts me to guys. Tallness and dark hair for me at first but that's about it. I'm not into the whole 'hunk' thing. Every girls different. I am into what you have going (calm, clever, academic and very mature) and I'm sure a lot of other girls too but those aren't thing that you can tell just by looking at someone.

    Do you hang about/talk with much girls at all?

    And just to let you know, some girls find the whole reject thing hot.. ^.^

    And let me emphasise you're only 14. I know I'm 15 and can hardly talk but after I came out of a long enough relationship quite a while back I realised that its quite ridiculous to spend lots of time worrying about the other sex. And maybe its different where you live but at 14 most girl shouldn't be thinking of sex from a guy but I don't know.


    My advice is dotn worry about it because it'll all come together in time.

    Good luck
    NallaNeedsYou's Avatar
    NallaNeedsYou Posts: 162, Reputation: 9
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    #3

    Apr 22, 2009, 07:29 AM

    Thanks for the advice :) at school obviously I have to talk to people around me... girls but really they just hate my guts. But I reckon that if I looked better then maybe people might give me a chance so I can show that I'm a nice person. Umm about the whole rejected thing being hot... I'm moving to belfast :D I know I shouldn't worry about it but I feel so sick. I have never been good enough and it really gets me down. Hope more people can help me out. I think it is easier for people to talk about this stuff because everyone here has come here for help. Hope I find some more of these people who actually care about me as a person. Help?
    spitvenom's Avatar
    spitvenom Posts: 1,266, Reputation: 373
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    #4

    Apr 22, 2009, 07:44 AM

    Man when I was 14 (I'm 31 now) I was maybe 5 feet tall weighed 90 pounds soaking wet with rocks in my pocket and glasses that were to big for my face. So of course when girls first met me there was no interest but once they got to know me their feelings changed.

    You have to be confident that is the main things. People can tell when you don't have confidence Stand up straight, Look people in the eye when you talk to them. Don't be afraid to just start a conversation with girls. But don't start the conversation thinking I need to date this girl. Start the conversation by just wanting to get to know the person. It is hard I am not going to lie to you but if I did it you can!!
    NallaNeedsYou's Avatar
    NallaNeedsYou Posts: 162, Reputation: 9
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    #5

    Apr 22, 2009, 08:02 AM

    I hope its as simple as that. Its not really that I'm after girls its just wanting to fit in and to have friends. I am not expecting to have a girl friend any time soon. But it would be a lot nicer for me to have some people around me who don't feel like I'm a skank who no-one is allowed to talk to nicely. They make me feel like I'm not wanted and that I should crawl into a hole and die. I was thinking of investing in a slendertone... I agree its extreme to do something like that but I honestly think that people might alow me to show I'm a nice person if they like the way I look and if I'm more confident about that aspect of me.
    spitvenom's Avatar
    spitvenom Posts: 1,266, Reputation: 373
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    #6

    Apr 22, 2009, 08:16 AM

    Well why do people think you are a skank? What are you interested in? You don't need slendertone you are a young guy you should like into to push ups and sit ups.
    NallaNeedsYou's Avatar
    NallaNeedsYou Posts: 162, Reputation: 9
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    #7

    Apr 23, 2009, 02:58 AM

    I don't now why they think I'm so ugly. They just think I'm a retard. I'm not motivated enough to do situps and push-ups. I'm interested in personality over looks. Sensiblity, maturity, individuality and someone who isn't afraid to go against what everyone else thinks. Those are the things I'm interested in. girl wise.
    spitvenom's Avatar
    spitvenom Posts: 1,266, Reputation: 373
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    #8

    Apr 23, 2009, 06:08 AM

    Everything that you are interested in shows you are probably more mature then most people your age. What do you like to do for fun?

    I understand it is hard to motivate yourself to do sit ups and push ups. I have to convince myself every morning to go to the gym. But I think you are not giving yourself enough credit. You are motivated enough to ask people how can you deal with a problem.

    Try doing this start just doing 5 sit ups and 5 push ups. Once you realize hey that wasn't so bad add another sit up and push up then add more. Before you know it you will be doing sets of 10 or 20 without even breaking a sweat.
    NallaNeedsYou's Avatar
    NallaNeedsYou Posts: 162, Reputation: 9
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    #9

    Apr 23, 2009, 07:28 AM

    Well I do do situps a lot to be honest. (50 at a time) but I have ogt out of the habit recently. For fun? I like to go out and have a nice time with my non-exsitant friends, go to parties and have a laugh. I sit at home playing computor games. Its pathetic.
    IheartEdward's Avatar
    IheartEdward Posts: 203, Reputation: 4
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    #10

    Apr 25, 2009, 10:41 AM

    Hey, I'm back!

    Yeah, I agree with everything spitvenom says. The exrsize will make you fell better and probably more confident.

    If the girls all think your ugly then stick your middle fingers up at them because I bet you in ten years time you'll be a total hottie and they'll feel wick that they never gave you a chance.

    I don't know about anyone else but I believe there's someone for everyone so don't worry.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #11

    Apr 25, 2009, 10:59 AM
    Have you considered the possibility that because you are more mature, smarter than most, and as you said, calm, clever, and academic, that they might be intimidated by you?

    What if all they have is their looks, and they know it. What if they are immature, can't carry on an intelligent conversation, and spend all their time in front of a mirror, because they cannot connect on any other level, but a superficial one.

    As to the guys, the one who is six foot, puffed up and bulletproof, has little between his ears other than he looks good. He will attract other likeminded female counterparts, and between the two of them, they are still short a couple of taco's on the combination plate.

    Your attributes are the very things that women who are not like the above examples, look for. While you are thinking that you are the odd man out, you are, and for good reason. Think of the total here, the total package.

    Do you really want to fit in with them, or should you identify more with others who have similar qualities.

    Maybe time to shake off the old, and find ways to welcome the new.
    NallaNeedsYou's Avatar
    NallaNeedsYou Posts: 162, Reputation: 9
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    #12

    Apr 27, 2009, 03:06 AM

    Thanks people. Big confidence boost! I have thought about it being intimidating to them but somehow I don't think they are. Apparently I come across as a miserable loner not a uputy, in your face "im better than you" character. Any ideas on how to find people who are similar and mature? And we are now talking about women. 14 year old women are hard to come by I think. :( I guess I just have to wait my turn and keep myself active and outgoing. Any good ideas as to where to find a lovely young lady to make me feel better about myself? :S
    ZoeMarie's Avatar
    ZoeMarie Posts: 2,049, Reputation: 468
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    #13

    Apr 27, 2009, 04:49 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by NallaNeedsYou View Post
    I dont now why they think im so ugly. they just think im a retard. im not motivated enough to do situps and push-ups. im interested in personality over looks. sensiblity, maturity, individuality and someone who isnt afraid to go against what everyone else thinks. those are the things im interested in. girl wise.
    Then you should be looking for someone like you, who isn't into look and is more interested in personality. If you think about it, would you want anyone to like you based completely on your looks? It sounds like you're better than that.
    ZoeMarie's Avatar
    ZoeMarie Posts: 2,049, Reputation: 468
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    #14

    Apr 27, 2009, 04:52 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by NallaNeedsYou View Post
    any good ideas as to where to find a lovely young lady to make me feel better about myself? :S
    I think this might be part of your problem right here. No offense at all, but in order to make someone else happy, you need to be happy with yourself. Go out and have fun! You shouldn't need someone to make you feel better about yourself, but once you find someone you can share your happiness with that person. Just be yourself and do the things you love to do. In doing that, you'll find someone with similar interests. Good luck! =)
    NallaNeedsYou's Avatar
    NallaNeedsYou Posts: 162, Reputation: 9
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    #15

    Apr 27, 2009, 05:31 AM

    Thanks ZoeMaria! I love dancing so I'm going to go out and do some salsa and latin at the local club. I don't think there will be many girls there but... its what I enjoy doing. I am happy with myself on some levels. I know there isn't much actually wrong with me, like my personality and things but I find that I feel better about myself if people genuinly like my company and talking to me. Maybe it works both ways, I need support to make me feel good, but then when I feel good about myself ill be more positive and things will improve. I geusse its not much use waiting around, I got to get out there and be positive about everything. Still... any ideas on how to get girls to come to something 'not cool' like dancing?
    ZoeMarie's Avatar
    ZoeMarie Posts: 2,049, Reputation: 468
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    #16

    Apr 27, 2009, 05:39 AM

    Well, just ask them if they want to go dancing with you? If yes, great! If not, then you know. To me it sounds like fun!
    NallaNeedsYou's Avatar
    NallaNeedsYou Posts: 162, Reputation: 9
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    #17

    Apr 27, 2009, 05:44 AM

    Well now I just need to find a sensible, mature girl to ask :) (pretty is a bonus) do you think it would be more likely to work if I was 'physicly attractive'? Otherwise its just some weird thing with a normal guy. If 'freak' and 'reject' are normal lol
    ZoeMarie's Avatar
    ZoeMarie Posts: 2,049, Reputation: 468
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    #18

    Apr 27, 2009, 05:49 AM

    Lol. You're funny. And funny is a plus. I wouldn't worry so much about how you look. It's the personality that matters.
    NallaNeedsYou's Avatar
    NallaNeedsYou Posts: 162, Reputation: 9
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    #19

    Apr 27, 2009, 05:50 AM

    Wish that was true for hormanal, stroppy teenage girls :D
    AManWithNoName's Avatar
    AManWithNoName Posts: 424, Reputation: 9
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    #20

    Apr 27, 2009, 01:24 PM

    Hey, chill out brah, girls are the most complex little beings in nature, and that's why I loves them so so soooo much, their adorable, I love girls maan
    You got to be like this, don't act like your superior, that's just going to turn them off, if you act smart, that's cool, but don't act like you albert freak'n einstein, also, make 'em laugh, be laid back, chill, and tell some jokes, funny jokes, those are normally the best kind
    And hey, try a sport, any sport, doesn't have to be lacross or football, just something thatl get you in decent shape, I'm not a girl, but in my experience, no cute girl is going to want some one who can't lift a few weights, and plus, kissing a girl while carying her, its like nirvana maan, its great
    But hey, your 14, your young, your only in middleschool, don't get in to that superficial bs, prepare yourself for the big HS, and chill, schools important, girls are important, but right now in your life, which one is going to get you further

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