[letmetellu]

Before you start reading just let me warn you that this is going to be long.

For seven months now my boyfriend has had trouble having sex with me. He loses his erection almost every single time we have sex and sometimes he can't even get hard enough to have sex. He kept telling me it was because he's worrying about performing badly, but after awhile I started to wonder if it was something physical so I got him to go to a doctor. The doctor said he has high blood pressure but that he thinks it's more of a mental problem than physical.

So this is where my past comes in. My boyfriend has always had trouble with my past. He doesn't bring it up but I know it bothers him. I used to lie to him about it because I was ashammed and I was scared he would leave me if I told him the truth. I felt guilty though, and I didn't want any secrets between us so I told him the truth about 2-3 months ago. He's always had a problem with my past and now it's even worse. Some of the things that bother him are: He accidently seen a picture of me and my ex-boyfriend naked together. A few of the guys I had sex with or had sexual contact with he knows them personally and was friends with them at one point in time, and that bothers him a lot. I have been with more people than he has, and he said that makes him feel like when we have sex it's nothing special to me, that he's just another guy, which isn't true at all. He asked me why did I sleep with so many guys and I told him the truth, which was because I was young and stupid and I thought that every guy I found atttractive I should have sex with just because I could. Now he thinks that every guy I look at I want to have sex with because I think he looks good. I used to go clubs and flirt with guys and send guys pictures of my body, and he knows the truth about this and it bothers him. He said he knows the way I was before and it bothers him because he loves me so much and he wants to care for me and protect me but then he thinks about all the guys that have used me for sex and it hurts him. He said to me "imagine trying to have sex with me after seeing a picture of me and another girl having sex". This was his way of telling me the truth as to why he can't get hard when we have sex, which is that he's always thinking about my past.

Those are just some of the things he told me. I don't really know what to do about this. My past is my past, I regret it more than ANYTHING. I made these mistakes when I was 16years old, I was young and stupid I thought I knew what I was doing but really I had no idea. At the time I didn't think it was a bad thing to do what I was doing, I thought it was normal. My friends at the time were the same way as me, which didn't help. Finally I smartened up and I stopped acting the way I was. I completely changed. This happened almost four years ago, and I regret it more than anything, but I can't change it. I know it hurts him and I want to help him but what am I supposed to do if it's bothering him that badly? He said he still wants me and he's never thought about leaving me, but that it just hurts him a lot and he can't have sex with me because of it. He still holds me all the time and he's very affectionate but when it comes to sex he can't do it. The obvious solution would be to not have sex, but what else can I do to help him?

This is really hurting me. I regret my past so much and I know that I can't change it. I hate to know that something I regret so much is affecting the relationship with someone I love to death. I mean I never cheated on him and I feel like now I'm suffering for something I did years before I knew him. What can I do to help him?

Originally Posted by letmetellu
I don't have an answer to your question but I do have a question to ask of the females.


Bonita-- Confessed to her boyfriend to some of the things that she had done when she was sixteen, she claimed that she was stupid and that all her friends were doing it also.

So my question is how many girls did the same thing as Bonita did at sixteen of even younger and are now sorry for doing it. If you could go back in time would you do it the same again or would you try to not have sex till later in life. One other question, for those of you that gave oral sex thinking it was not sex at all, what is your feeling now about whether oral sex is sex or not.

[bronzebabe]

I was niave and had sex once when I was 15...while I don't personally call it rape, that's what it was, actually "date rape"..a guy I knew just took what he wanted...I never told anyone, he never got in trouble...I moved on and got over it, with help...
Sex is considered penis and vagina, however, sexual THINGS can vary from oral sex, anal sex, ect. People have a lot of things that they consider sexual, but not "sex"...

[letmetellu]

I am sorry for what happened to you, and I thank you for responding.

[bronzebabe]

letmetellu, thank you very much...i've spoken in schools about this for several years...just so girls know it CAN happen with that guy you Know, or think you know...hopefully it will save at least one girl...

[letmetellu]

letmetellu, thank you very much...i've spoken in schools about this for several years...just so girls know it CAN happen with that guy you Know, or think you know...hopefully it will save at least one girl...

I did some work at a crisis center and we worked with battered and abused women and also sexual assault victims. And we also did speeches at the schools and to girls groups.
If was really disheartening for me to make a speech to a girl in a group and then in a couple of years see her at the crisis center battered and with a child and have to listen to her tell me how much she wished she had taken my advice earlier.

But the ones I also hated to work with were the ones that thought they had to give oral sex or masturbate the guy to be popular. And they also thought they were not involved in sex.