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CaliforniaOrange · Sep 16, 2006, 12:03 PM

I broke up w. my GF the other day and Im not sure why? What I mean is, nothing was wrong really, we didn't fight, we got along well, physically things were great. I just wasn't content with the feeling of having a "luke warm" relationship.. and I felt like it was affecting my career or something... :confused: She would cook me food, buy me gifts, offer to do pretty much anything I needed, dry cleaning, etc... she's beautiful, smart, and all that stuff... she's just not the right one for me, and I'm pretty sure of that. She's 24, pretty shy, and I guess what I am saying is, her thirst for life in general I don't believe is as strong as mine... She's not very trusting of people for instance, her parents are divorced and Mom is a functioning alcoholic... I don't have these issues in my family, they are together, and don't drink... but anyway, now I'm going off on a tangent... could anyone relate with what I'm saying? My question is, am I just in search of perfection (in a dillusional sense), should I count my blessings and get back together with her because I have nothing to complain about? Or am I onto something, and probably right for just wanting to be friends... oh and she's not into music like I am, and that actually really bothers me... I'm 26 and I've been in 4-5 relationships, this one was by far the most normal, but almost too normal for my comfort... oh man, what's going on? Lol:) I feel happier now that I'm single, but I am not sure my feelings warrant a break up with a girl who potentially is really solid. Any advice people? Thanks in advance!

p.s My new career is very demanding and that's sort of my top priority, this is certainly a major factor.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 16, 2006, 01:33 PM

I am not sure that she is not better off now, since it appears you were using the relationship more than putting anything into it.

A relationship is a two way street with each partner putting into it what and who they are and the other loving and respecting the other for who they are.

You will never find perfect and honestly if and when you do,most likely they will not find you perfect for them, we forget that often our own faults are also part of all the idssues.

I don't know how long you have been in the relationship but all of them get a bit routine after a few months, habits and things we expect all take over

And as you get older you will find that people like different things, and that it fine, if someone is just like you I would bet you would find them too boring after a bit.

CaliforniaOrange · Sep 16, 2006, 01:46 PM

I am sure she is better off, you are right. I was more concentrated on my needs being met than meeting her needs...

We were together for 1 yr and 3 months.

She wasn't really into anything though... not different things, nothing much of anything whatsoever, which bored me stiff... she likes fashion, and that's it.

She almost used our relationship as an escape from herself and that put too much pressure on me to essentially guide her spritually and emotionally.

At the end of the day, I couldn't see us getting married and having kids, etc, so I unselfishly ended things so that she could move on with her life...

I learned a great deal from her, and for that I am very thankful, but like I said, I don't think we would ever get married and have a family.

One day I may look back and see that I missed out on something with her, but right now I am happy with my decision.

I hear what your saying regarding the opposites attract thing, and I agree with you... However, certain similarties need to be there I think... one of those is an equal level of passion and love for others in general... she was not very trusting and that resulted in an inability for her to network and ultimately follow her dreams in my opinion. I don't mean to take anything away from her, she's a great person, I simply don't see us together longterm.

I'll miss her but life is full of tough decisions. Thanks for your input.

One last thing, I began to feel guilty about my lack of availability to spend time with her, because of my career. I know that I have to work very hard at this time in my life and it just didn't feel right that she didn't get to see me as often as we used to see each other...

JoeCanada76 · Sep 16, 2006, 02:09 PM

Hello,

I think that for many people she would have been the perfect mate. Honestly though, perfect is a fantasy. No one is perfect and there is not a such thing as a perfect relationship. Were you being selfish for breaking up with you. No, you were not being selfish. You were actually doing her and yourself a favour. You obvously have different priorities in your life then she does. She put everything in the relationship but you did not. You need to be honest with yourself and with her. That is what you did? So could you have made a mistake with this decsion, I do not think you did at all. I hope that she is willing to remain friends and you remain friends as well. You will never know what could happen in the future. Things could change to the point where you do end up with each other. You never know. Those are my thoughts about this. It sounds like she is a beautiful person inside and out and I hope that from this experience she learns something as well. If you were spending extra time at work and you did not think it was fair. Did you communicate this with her. That is important. Communication is key of working things out and letting each other know what each of you are thinking. Then working it out together if you do have differences.

Joe

CaliforniaOrange · Sep 16, 2006, 02:44 PM

Hi Joe,

Thanks for your advice, I do hope that we can be friends, and by friends I mean only friends, because I don't want to mess with her ability to trust men by playing games with her at this point, if you get what Im saying...

I know what problems are going to arise next and I'm a bit concerned but I know that I can handle it if I keep a critical eye on myself/ego...

What I mean by that is, I believe that men are much better people in general with the help/love of a women. Women help to balance us and keep ourselves (and sometimes egos) in check.

I hope that I can remain solid now that I'm single, time will tell...

s_cianci · Sep 18, 2006, 07:07 PM

As for your career, remember ; work to live, don't live to work. I won't tell you to stay with her or forget about her but frankly, from your own description, she sounds like a pretty good catch. Admittedly her inability to trust people could signal a red flag. Aside from that, I think most of your concerns are rather petty and inconsequential. You have to make your own decision, but as you yourself said, set your priorities and know what's really important. If you truly feel you're not ready for any kind of committed relationship whatsoever then it's not fair to lead her on, but if you are then she certainly sounds like a viable candidate.

CaliforniaOrange · Sep 18, 2006, 09:52 PM

For certain, she's very viable... is it dillusional to think that there are a lot of "viable" women out there? Good points, thank you.

talaniman · Sep 20, 2006, 06:25 AM

The fact you chose your own life over the relationship tells me where your priorities lie and its nothing wrong with that as long as your honest with yourself.

s_cianci · Sep 20, 2006, 06:07 PM

Originally Posted by CaliforniaOrange

For certain, she's very viable...is it dillusional to think that there are alot of "viable" women out there? Good points, thank you.

Yes, it is, because there aren't too many truly viable women out there.

NightAlone · Sep 21, 2006, 03:19 PM

Imagine that your life is a movie, only you have really attractive actors playing the parts. You would be screaming at the screen saying LEAVE HER... LEAVE HERRRR!! A relationship should be lustful and romantic and playful and trusting and and all of those other ands! FUN, Ya know?

If you want to share the same interests with your partner, GO FIND SOMEONE. Go have FUN. Go do something crazy. Go find the craziest person out there or something. If you give up and think you find yourself at a point where you can't find what you want and that chick really appreciated you, try again with her. But appreciate her back. Ya know? Hah. I suck. Hell, I'm 15, don't listen to me.

CaliforniaOrange · Sep 21, 2006, 10:42 PM

Yah that's cute. I've been in a fair amount of 2 yr relationships so I have experience with crazy girls and mellow girls... I'd like to find a balance, but wouldn't we all?

NightAlone · Sep 22, 2006, 04:30 AM

Originally Posted by CaliforniaOrange

Yah thats cute. I've been in a fair amount of 2 yr relationships so I have experience with crazy girls and mellow girls...I'd like to find a balance, but wouldn't we all?

Hah. Well, you've got time until your butt is wrinkley. Just hang out... don't LOOK for somebody. You'll know when she walks by you. I'm so romantic. :p

CaliforniaOrange · Sep 22, 2006, 08:00 PM

^ That is actually excellent advice. Essentially what your saying is, enjoy life, be yourself, do your thing, and love finds you.:o good talk.

NightAlone · Sep 22, 2006, 08:16 PM

=d

CaliforniaOrange · Oct 1, 2006, 10:36 PM

Well its been a few weeks now, and certain emotions are coming to the surface. I am happier at work, meaning I am feel more capable of focusing on it... which takes a lot of pressure off me. Nights are lonely, we don't talk, she's not interested in being friends yet, and tonight is particularly sort of lonely. But I believe deeply that this is all for the best... I just miss her.

NightAlone · Oct 2, 2006, 04:31 AM

I've had relationships where they end and bitterness stops us from talking to each other. After a while we became the best of friends. She'll either come around or won't.

CaliforniaOrange · Oct 2, 2006, 07:46 AM

I knew I could count on you nightalone... hehe, thanks for the female perspective.

Wildcat21 · Oct 2, 2006, 07:59 AM

Man, if you miss her - there are feelings. I still don't quite get this.

goldnugget · Oct 2, 2006, 08:20 AM

you sound to me like you are one of those people who think that "the grass might be greener" so you have done the right thing by leaving her. Let her get on with her life and find someone with the same values and ideas about life that she has. Leave her alone. Never call her or contact her. Just leave and leave for good. She eventually get past her pain and not give a second thought about you. You are obviously not ready to settle down and that's OK. She will find someone who appreciates and loves her so just move on.

CaliforniaOrange · Oct 2, 2006, 05:55 PM

Don't you just love those good'ol sayings we all live bye and use as rules... "the grass is always greener," being one of them... Truth is, I do subscribe to CANI, constant and never-ending improvement. Your either moving forward or you moving backward... so am I in search of the most motivated associates in life, yes. Is it possible that my ex-gf will one day be much more motivated yes. I am not going to look back with regrets when I'm old, so I'm very aware of the notion that every decision I make greatly effects me. Her and I will be meeting today to do some more talking, COMMUNICATING actually... hopefully it helps us sort things out. I agree that there are certain rules and guidelines that you should live by... I also think that there are a whole bunch of rules and guidelines that you should disregard. :D Thanks everyone for your opinions!