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mudweiser · Apr 18, 2009, 03:04 PM

Oh well thank god hunny that cutting is in your past- I was getting worried.

She's probably scared of these feelings. Some people don't want to admit homosexual feelings to even themselves- sometimes it takes years for them to "come out". Be there to support her at a distance.

Sarah

theresbeautyinu · Apr 18, 2009, 03:12 PM

I was, she said she had something to tell me but she wasn't ready, so I told her to tell me when she was ready, and when she was ready she told me and she said that I was the only one who understood that completely... and a day latter, I told her that I think I was too... and she said that she hoped I was because itd be easier to talk... then a day latter... she left me.

mudweiser · Apr 18, 2009, 03:18 PM

She is just confused darlin'. Like I said many people react differently to that situation.

I know losing a friend is tough- but I am sure she will realize that you are a good friend and she'll contact you in the future.

Sarah

theresbeautyinu · Apr 18, 2009, 03:22 PM

I honestly don't think I can wait... she was my BEST friend. Everything I've been through, she's been through... she understood EVERYTHING! And she's though only one who understood completley... I NEED her in my life... so badly.

mudweiser · Apr 18, 2009, 03:33 PM

The only way to do that is to wait. If you keep insisting she will only push you away. Be patient my dear.

If you really want to talk to her try it a less invasive way. An email. Write to her and tell her that you miss her and your there for her whenever she needs you, give her your phone number [in case she forgets] and just wait for a reply.

Sarah

theresbeautyinu · Apr 18, 2009, 03:38 PM

I have... and I asked her if she was going to come back and I told her that I need her and she said shell think about it... but like... I don't know how much longer I can wait... I need her... I never took the time to realize that I had an almost perfect life before she left... and now I realize it and I can't do anything but cry now... she hurt me.

mudweiser · Apr 18, 2009, 03:44 PM

Well first thing is first- you need to learn to let go a little. You are starting to sound quite clingy. I had a clingy friend before, and soon enough I shook her off like a dirty dog.

It is hard to find a friend that knows you inside out but it's also hard to be with a friend who just has to have you.

You need to start doing things on your own now. Go volunteer, become a big sister to a little girl who'll look up to you ; Big Brothers Big Sisters - Share a Little Magic! , get a part time job, socialize, just anything to get you going and busy.

Sarah

theresbeautyinu · Apr 18, 2009, 03:49 PM

I cant... have a job... I tutor a little girl... kids arnt exactly my kind... I'm not clingy to her... I just, love her... she was a part of me... and like, we live four states away its hard to be clingly... just no one understands that she like... was my life... she woke me up every morning to talk and we talked for hours everyday... and she just became my other half almost.

mudweiser · Apr 18, 2009, 04:01 PM

Ah, I'm getting most of the picture now.

Well beaut all I can say is that you need to give her time and space, if you can't do that than I believe it is a sign of clingy behavior. You might have gotten used to her calling you every morning and it got routine and you got comfortable with that. I understand.

Now it's time to focus on you. She wants to be left alone and as her friend you need to respect her wishes.

Sarah

theresbeautyinu · Apr 18, 2009, 04:06 PM

I know that. I'm giving it to her. But if she doesn't come back... I don't think I can live...

Clough · Apr 18, 2009, 04:07 PM

I couldn't spread the "love" after already giving it to you so soon here, Sarah. But, great job you're doing here!

Clough · Apr 18, 2009, 04:10 PM

I'm not trying to crash this thread, because mudweiser and you seem to be having a really good, informative and caring time here.

But, I'm wondering, theresbeautyinu, since you asked your original question about escaping, what you like to do for fun and recreation?

Thanks!

theresbeautyinu · Apr 18, 2009, 04:12 PM

Uhm... what do you mean?

Clough · Apr 18, 2009, 04:14 PM

How do you like to express the way that you might be feeling about something or anything.

This might be in writing, music or arts of various kinds...

theresbeautyinu · Apr 18, 2009, 04:17 PM

I don't know... different ways...

Clough · Apr 18, 2009, 04:20 PM

Do you like to write poetry or lyrics to songs?

theresbeautyinu · Apr 18, 2009, 04:21 PM

I write poetry...

Clough · Apr 18, 2009, 04:26 PM

Would you be interested in writing a song? I can show you how to do that as well as show you how it might be set to music that you can actually hear!

mudweiser · Apr 18, 2009, 04:29 PM

Originally Posted by theresbeautyinu

i know that. im giving it to her. but if she dosnt come back... i dont think i can live...

YES YOU CAN! Yes you can! Yes you can!

If you live for someone, you'll never live yourself!

Clough is right--write!

You need to find away to get those endorphins up and running! Unless your job is a 16 hour job, and very demanding I can see why you don't have "time". However, you can always do simple little things, like writing more poetry or songs, walking to and from work [I do this now, It is a 30 minute walk but let me tell you it's worth it: I get a great start to my morning and no matter how cruddy my day was I walk home, hear the birds, see some flowers, and see the world as my playground]. Be open to new experiences Beaut!

Life is wonderful if you just step out of that box.

Sarah

theresbeautyinu · Apr 18, 2009, 04:34 PM

I've tried... no matter what I do though... I can't ever stop looking at the bad side of everything... I write as much as I can... but I have track everyday and I tutor my dads friends daughter... and like... school and everything... its just getting harder..