[Elisabeth23]

Me and my boyfriend are both 19 and have been going out for about 2 years. He is a Christian and is very religious so that means no sex before marriage, which is fine with me even though I'm not religious at all. We've done oral sex before and other things like that but now he says he feels like he is 'bending the rules' of the whole sexual purity thing that's in the Bible. So what I want to know is, is it 'bending the rules' or is there nothing wrong with it?

[letmetellu]

I think this is one of those questions that you should direct to a person well versed in the Bible or Bill Clinton, depending on what kind of an answer that you want.

[Fr_Chuck]

It will fall under the issues of lust and other sexual acts.

There is nothing wrong with sex either, except it is for husband and wife as is all sexual activity

So you he is just bending the rules to suit his personal lust and desires.

[Alty]

Okay, I'll give this a shot, even though I don't think there's anything wrong with sex before marriage if you're in a committed relationship.

No sex means no sex. Oral sex is sex, anal sex is sex, vaginal sex is sex, that's why it's called sex. So no, he's not "bending the rules" he's downright breaking them.

[Synnen]

/sigh

I truly debated whether to move this to the Christianity forums. Depending on the responses, I still may.

Look--if he's not comfortable because of his faith performing ANY sex acts, then he's not, and you get to live with that.

The OTHER alternative is, of course, that you get married. And frankly, if you're not ready to get married, not ready to make that lifelong commitment to each other--then you're probably not good to have sex, either. A BABY is a lifelong commitment to each other, and while I realize that oral sex doesn't lead to pregnancy, I ALSO realize that oral sex tends to lead to sexual intercourse at some point.

So--talk to his priest/pastor about it. Talk to your boyfriend about it. If the two of you can't come to a point where you're BOTH comfortable with the state of your sex lives, then it's time to part ways.

[JoeCanada76]

If he believes sex is meant for marriage which in the bible it clearly states that Sex is meant for within marriage. The son leaves his parents, and the daughter leaves her parents and they cleave together and become one. Sex within marriage is pure.
As far as him breaking rules as ALTY has mentioned he has not bent them but broken them.

I also believe that rushing into marriage just to court each other and have sexual intimacy is not the answer either.

This is a tough one, but he needs to figure things out for himself and you both if truly want to be together need to discuss things openly and decide what is best for both of you.

Joe

[liz28]

Your boyfriend seems a little confuse with frustration on top.

Look at it like this. If you go to the pool and the lifeguard tells everyone not to get into the pool. However, you decide to just stick your feet into the water. Do you think it is okay because the lifeguard didn't mention anything about your foot but didn't he tell everyone not to get into the pool.

Your boyfriend wants to be faihful to his religion but he wants to sort of test the waters by going around his morals. However, he might regret it later and might in return blame you for his weakness.

[smoothy]

If you are playing with each others genitals then you are having sex. You can delude yourself and try to reason its not sex... but it is.

Example. If oral sex isn't sex, how would you feel about your girlfriend or boyfriend indulging in it with others, after all if its not sex then you won't care, right?

Heck, its your choice if you do or not... but don't lie about it if you do. And yes... its way beyond just "Bending the rules". Heavy petting is bending the rules... orals sex is most definitely breaking them.

[chrissymarie]

Here's a story my Catholic Mom told me:

If you give oral while you're here on earth with any man who is not your husband when you die and God meets you and tells you whether you go to hell or heaven God will ask you " why did you give oral sex to that man?" and you won't be able to explain yourself because there will be a huge penis in your motuh and then you will go to hell forever.

You decide whether oral is good or bad before marriage... lol... It's not outlined anywhere in the bible.

[Burd]

If your boyfriend is true about, no sex before marriage oral sex is too far, the rules have already been broken, as one thing leads to another and well, before you know rules don't matter, it lust and control is the issue here... not rules... if your boyfriend is faith-ful to his religion stand by him, rather than changing his beliefs.

[arby808]

Did you ask him if he masterbates himself if so is this a form of sex hmm

[Spirit1966]

I think in Gods eyes you and your boyfriend already did the dirty deed. Sex is sex, it does not have to be penis to vagina to be sex. Where is that written.

[bud909]

I'd say you both want to avoid sex. The Bible advises against lust in many forms, and from personal experience, I've seen so many unforeseen consequences from sexual activity, it's just not worth it.

We niavely think having sex before marriage is OK and nobody gets hurt. Before having any more sex - read the posts on this site (notice how many views there are also) about men and women who are trying to get over their girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband's sexual past. From haunting images of past lovers, to sleepless nights, to people saying 'it's eating me up inside, the stories you read about are sad and horrifying for the person going through them.

Avoid the complications of sex - and if you unfortunately break-up with your boyfriend (you will probably break-up with more boyfriends than you will marry) it will be a relief that it will be easier for both of you to move on.

Save yourself until marriage and avoid a slew of negative consequences.