[lost??]

K so I've been with my girlfriend for 3 months now, well its been official for that long but we've been seeing each other way longer than that. She moved into an apartment up school a little while ago and I've been over there a lot but I feel like I'm there too much. And when I'm there she tells me she never wants me to leave but I know that after a while if you're there all the time a girls going to get sick of you. Besides I have my own school work plus regular work that I have to deal with.

She always tells me she loves me and I say it back sometimes too but she constantly talks about how were going to get married and all this crap and I'm just like yea OK whatever. I'm an average looking person but this girl is beatuiful... there's so many guys that want her any she could have pretty much any guy she wants. I'm OK with all that I don't really act jealous or insecure but lately little stuffs been bothering me. She told me before we started going out she would try to get me jealous which never really worked but I don't know I guess since we are together now it is. She doesn't contact me as much as she used to and I think its because I have been over there a lot lately. I kind of feel the need to call her every night if she doesn't call me because that what we usually do. I know in the beginning too much contact is bad for business but what about when you're already together? How can you tell and if there is too much contact how do you pull back? Thanks

[talaniman]

You've answered your own question.

I've been over there a lot but I feel like I'm there too much.

Pick a couple of nights for yourself and don't call so much. 3 months is very early in a relationship. Slow the train down, what's the hurry?

[Wildcat21]

Lost my man... remember wha tI told you...

LESS IS MORE!! Be busy... do other things.

The less of you - the more she wants you.

Why so much contact? That in it's self is insecire.

[lost??]

Trust me I know what you mean but the thing is I think I did that too much before. She didn't think that I liked her when I was keeping down contact a lot. She just thought I thought "ohh yea shes there.... if shes not whatever". I admit I am acting insecure and I know I can't show that to her either. And I know there's this guy who likes her up at school so if I back off he mite move in. I think I'm just not going to contact her and wait to see when I hear from her

[Wildcat21]

That's a bad thing? Women need a challenge. I bet $1 million she comes onstronger when you back off.

Women can SMELL insecurity... their senses for crap - and it is CRAP - are like 1000 times greater than guys.

I say crap because if a women likes you there is no reason for her to make you feel insecure... if she does you should re-asses this.

[talaniman]

trust me i know what you mean but the thing is i think i did that too much before. she didnt think that i liked her when i was keepin down contact a lot. she just thought i thought "ohh yea shes there.... if shes not whatever". i admit i am actin insecure and i know i can't show that to her either. and i know theres this guy who likes her up at school so if i back off he mite move in. i think im just not gonna contact her and wait to see when i hear from her

LOST-You need to make a decision it seems to me of follow your own mind or be led. If you don't feel comfortable with the way you do things then you will be led down the path of manipulation. You have already said you are not comfortable with spending so much time with her so why are you scared to stick up for what you think is right? You do have a say you know. If your scared of how she will react then I have to question not only your motives but your actions as well. Never be afraid of some other guy that's a bunch of crap to start with so forget the competition. If a female doesn't accept you for what you are then their can be no relationship. They chain dogs to porches not men.

[mysticque]

trust me i know what you mean but the thing is i think i did that too much before. she didnt think that i liked her when i was keepin down contact a lot. she just thought i thought "ohh yea shes there.... if shes not whatever". i admit i am actin insecure and i know i can't show that to her either. and i know theres this guy who likes her up at school so if i back off he mite move in. i think im just not gonna contact her and wait to see when i hear from her

Yes that's the best way. If you think you lost her. Which you never really cleared up with her if she's your girlfriend or not. Then she's doing her own thing. I'm not sure about dating. When I date someone I don't literally bring them to bed with me. Unless it's some hanky panky calls or bootie times. Let me point out that lust is not much different than love except you don't involve yourself emotionally with the other person. Not unless you guys been sleeping each other then I guess you have the right to know where she is and what she's up to. Calling too much might not be a total answer you expect. Why not walk to her apartment and show up in front of her door. Perhaps with some roses and chocos.

[momincali]

No matter how nice, funny, charming, yadda, yadda, yadda you are, women will get tired of you coming over ALL THE TIME! It may sound bad, but its true. We appreciate who you are and what you offer, we just don't need to experience it every day, several times a day with phone calls and frequent visits. Sometimes women can be confusing inviting you over all the time and calling several times a day, that's cause half the time these women are self-indulgent and don't realize too much of a good thing isn't so good after a while. Give us time to miss you and we'll appreciate you even more. No need to feel insecure cause she's pretty, she chose you, remember?

[lost??]

Sorry if that was unclear... yes we are in a relationship. I was just putting my situation out there to see if people thought I was over communicating with her/seeing her too much because I know after a while a girl will get bored with that. No I don't think I have lost her and in fact she asked me to come over tonight to and I told her maybe I don't know yet. I think my problem is that I'm over analyzing everything and letting stuff get to me too much. I'm just going to back off for a while and see what happens. I'm going to follow the advice given to me and give her time to miss me.

[JoeCanada76]

Follow your heart bud.

[Skell]

Just back off a little if that's what you think is needed.
As you said you have your own school work.
So you have an excuse there.
"Look Jen, i would love to see you tonight but im just flat out with my school work. I really need to get this done. I will see you on Friday"
Pretty simple. If she can't respect that and gets mad at you then she will try and manipulate you forever.
YOU control the pace you want things to move at. If she doesn't like it then let her have one of those other guys that are lining up for her and watch her stuff it up with those dopes..
I bet she doesn't though. She wants you. She likes you and is proabbyl a good girl who will understand your need for more time to yourself.
So make her chase you a little. Its not games, its just going SLOW.

[JoeCanada76]

At the same time. If they are used to a certain pace and all of a sudden out of the blue he backs away. Might not be a good idea as well. There needs to be a happy medium, between. Not from one extreme to another.

[Skell]

I agree fully Joe,
Perhaps that is where communication can come into it and he can tell her what his thoughts and concerns are.
But he definitely shouldn't completely back off. I just think he needs ot get to a point where he is comfortable (which he isn't right now) and also where she is happy too.
Communication will achieve this!

[lost??]

Thinking back on my previous relationship, I ran into this problem too so I know it is something with me. I think I get to a point where I'm just like " ok i have them, i dont need to keep the attraction up and can pretty much see them whenever i want". So I'm going to back off for a while, not completely, but listening to everyone's advice and remembering my previous relationship made me realize this. I think I just get too comfortable early on and stop being the fun guy without even realizing it... I know its something I have to keep on top of now. And I don't have to see her every time she asks me to come up, I have my own life where I have to get stuff done too. Thanks everybody

[Wildcat21]

Yes - lost - let some of just go - for get it - no more annalyze - if she wants to be with you, she will.

But, I knowing the past you have way over communicated... let her come to you.

[s_cianci]

Too much contact is bad even when you've been together for a while. Especially when there's been no explicit commitment as of yet (i.e. engagement or marriage.) It sounds like you need to back off a bit now and concentrate on your studies, your work and your other friends. Making her miss you is never a bad thing and can only work in your favor. Try it and see.

[simpl2me]

Jesushelper76 is right folow your heart. The going over yeah if you think it may be too much then cut back on it. The communicating don't loose it cause when you do what you fear is going to happen. And Im not saying call her every min of the day. Figure this you are with her she did choose u. When you wake in the mouring text or call and talk a little just to say mournin, in the afternoon call to see how she is, and at night to say good night fihure 3 times a day to let her know your thnkin of her but not jelouse or hovering. But if she calls then its on her. Be avalible but you also both have to have your own lives. 50-50 there is a meeting point. The comunicating is the key.

[Geoffersonairplane]

You can always have too much of a good thing..

A good balance is required between two people, giving and receiving.

Sharing experiences and spending time together but if you are giving 75/25 in the relationship, you are heading for disaster.

I believe to keep the relationship stable, it should be 50/50.

To keep it interesting, 40/50

I think my relationship with my ex was 65/35 (at least towards the end)

Because of this and the other factors involved..

BYE BYE EX...