[bettyboop1958]

What does the bible and the law in Tennessee say about divorcing someone that is disable so I can go on with my life?

[JoeCanada76]

Your very selfish person. When you get married to somebody. You marry them for life. Through poor and rich, through sickness and health. Divorcing a disabled person. Wow. That is low, that is selfish. That is just my opinion.

The only time a divorce is truly allowed. Is when there is ABUSE, ADULTERY,

That is it.

Joe

[mysticque]

Was he physically disable when you first met him? Does your living situation make you happy now? If not you need to tell him. He deserves an answer. Just be candid.

[bettyboop1958]

No We Have Been Married For 12 Years He Had A Massive Stroke 1 Year Ago And Is In A Nursing Home. He Is 49 And I Am 48. I Am So Lonely For Companionship. He Is Paralyzed And Mentally Unstable.

[JoeCanada76]

He is still your husband. He is your companion.

[mysticque]

I agree. But you can't make her stay if she's unhappy. She has to make the right decision. Is she willing enough to carry this kind of life and grow old with him? It's not because she already married him. I don't want to make assumptions. There's so much pressure towards this kind of situation. Relatives, friends, what else, memories? But what really matter is how does she feel about it? And you're talking about a lifetime commitment that I believe it's very unfair for her.

[s_cianci]

Biblically there's no difference between divorcing someone who's disabled and someone who's not. The bible permits divorce only when there's been fornication or abuse so severe that you and/or your children are in imminent danger. As for Tennessee law, you'd have to speak to an attorney about that but I have no knowledge of any law in any state that differentiates between disabled and non-disabled spouses when it comes to divorce. However, the spouse's disability may be a factor in determining any alimony that you may be required to pay to your ex if the divorce does in fact take place. What type of disability does your husband have? Short of being comatose and brain dead, and even then I'm not sure, I'd have to agree with Jesushelper that divorcing him due to his disability is quite selfish. Why on earth would you want to divorce someone over that? Did the disability exist at the time of the marriage or did it occur afterward? If your husband is in a vegetative state with no hope of recovery, then biblically he could possibly be considered "dead" since without artificial life support he would be. Legally, however, your treading on far more treacherous ground as there's a myriad of legal and ethical issues to be addressed. Did he have a living will? If so, is it being enforced according to his wishes? What is his actual prognosis? Although these issues would have little bearing as far as a mere divorce is concerned, they have far-reaching moral implications and consequences.

[Fr_Chuck]

By the bible you would be condemned on many levels, for the divorce, and for the selfishness of the act.

Legally by state law, you can always get a divorce. You may have to pay some level of support

[CaptainForest]

Your very selfish person. When you get married to somebody. You marry them for life. Through poor and rich, through sickness and health. Divorcing a disabled person. Wow. That is low, that is selfish. That is just my opinion.

The only time a divorce is truly allowed. Is when there is ABUSE, ADULTERY,

That is it.

Joe

Joe, I totally disagree with you.

There are other, very VALID reason to divorce someone.

Abuse and Adultery for starts as you said…

But what about financial infidelity?

Let’s say your wife starts hiding money on you. Let’s says she starts taking out huge loans against your house, what will you do? In that case, a divorce is almost certainly the proper response.

What if you and your wife simply stop communicating? Simply stop talking and start to just not like each other anymore? What the, stay in a relationship with a person you no longer care for?

[talaniman]

No We Have Been Married For 12 Years He Had A Massive Stroke 1 Year Ago And Is In A Nursing Home. He Is 49 And I Am 48. I Am So Lonely For Companionship. He Is Paralyzed And Mentally Unstable.

There is no need for a divorce and no need for you to be lonely. But to walk away from another human being in their time of need is very selfish in my opinion. I would want my wife to have a life as I'm sure your husband would want one for you, but to totally be abandoned? Can you not balance his needs and yours a little better than to totally leave him alone? Would you having a life stop you from visiting and sharing and caring. Did you take the oath in sickness and in health? If the roles were reversed how would you feel. How do you think the God you believe in would want you to handle this test?

[bettyboop1958]

I am not a selfish person. My husband was selfish for not caring about anyone else but himself by not taking his medication like he was suppose to, that's what caused the massive stroke. He didn't think about how it would effect everyone else by him being stubborn.

[talaniman]

I am sure he didn't want to be where he is now. I feel your anger and frustration and wish you would talk about your feelings with a professional before you make any decisions right now as you need time to do some healing yourself.

[K_3]

I had a friend whose wife became an invalid quite early on in their marriage. He would not divorce her. He kept her at home as long as he could and cried when he had to put her in a nursing home. He went to the home each day and hand fed her at least 1 meal and tried to be there for 2. He had a lady friend for several years. They did not live together and he told her he would never divorce his wife. She was his companion, they would take short trips together and they dated. After his wife died they were married. It is ironic, he had a heart attack 10 yrs later and his wife took care of him as he did his wife.

You can not stop living because your husband has. I do feel you need to deal with the anger and resentment you have towards him for allowing this to happen. We all think we are invinsible and it is not going to happen to us and I am sure he had no idea this would happen.. He did not wish this upon himself and did not wish it upon you. Stop playing the victim. He is suffering far more than anyone else here.

You know what the Bible says and asking us in hopes of putting a different light on it is not going to change the words of the Bible. You may need to join a support group to help you through the resentment you are feeling and you can still live a life and care for him also. Now, some people divorce their spouses because financially the nursing home eats everything they have, you can not own a home. They want it all. I have seen some sad situations because of medical bills.

No one can tell you what to do in a situation like this. It has to come from you and your heart. Remember we get back what we give in life. He is your husband, no matter what your decision, you have an abligation to visit him and do what you can. In doing that, you can still have a life also. You really are the luckier one.

[s_cianci]

Joe, I totally disagree with you.

There are other, very VALID reason to divorce someone.

Abuse and Adultery for starts as you said…

But what about financial infidelity?

Let’s say your wife starts hiding money on you. Let’s says she starts taking out huge loans against your house, what will you do? In that case, a divorce is almost certainly the proper response.

What if you and your wife simply stop communicating? Simply stop talking and start to just not like each other anymore? What the, stay in a relationship with a person you no longer care for?

But she's made no mention of these things. All she's said is that he "disabled." And she hasn't even elaborated on that. Sure, divorce is justifiable in certain cases, including some of the one's you've mentioned. But she's given no indication that any of those conditions exist.

[magprob]

I don't think you are selfish for wanting companionship. Your husband can't give that to you and that is a large part of being married. Divorce him and find someone that is healthy and can fulfill your needs. Remain friends with your ex and visit and help him as you can. You also have a right to live your life to the fullest and enjoy every day. Cut the guilt and get on with it! Life is for the living.

[rob-n-tx]

Ok, I'm in a similar situation. All who've made judgmental comments, I think you should get to walk in those shoes to have any validity to what you say. My wife lost her vision and suffered a brain injury 11 years ago. She can function at some levels, but she certainly isn't the companion I married 23 years ago.

As far as in sickness & health goes, is it reasonable to expect or require someone to give up any hope of happiness and a normal life in support of a companion that would, without modern medical help, already be dead?

I think Betty can only find her answer and peace in her own heart.

[talaniman]

No on can predict what life will send our way. When we marry someone ,sure we expect to be happy and healthy. It doesn't always work that way of course and as it is very easy to enjoy our companions when things are going good it is when things turn for the worst that our love and commitment should be at the strongest. Illness and injury doesn't lessen the promises we made during a better time, nor does it wipe out those promises either. They may not be the campanion of years ago ,but do you think by any stretch of the imagination that they wished for declining health and diminished mental capacity? Do you think that life changes canceled the promises we make when we marry? I don't think so. But I guess in today's world marriage and divorce are just something to do and can be negated at the first sign of trouble or inconvienence. A selfish way to look at the world and I wonder if the shoe was on the other foot what would you expect from your companion. Especially since I'm sure if you think about it objectively, you could come up with a way to have happiness and meet the obligation of commitment we so quickly gave to our companions when we where in an easier time.

[rob-n-tx]

I would say that 11 years of being alone just about every day while she sleeps.. listening to her breath at night to be sure she is still alive.. nursing her through 3 near death surgeries.. watching her loose more and more of who she was.. hearing her tell me every day that she wishes she could just die.. that doesn't qualify as the " first sign of trouble".. you never know what its like until YOU are the one having to do it.. easy to talk the talk.. NOT so easy to make the WALK.. but, I am still here.. day to day.. still those of you that haven't had to do it.. Don't have any room to be so self righteous.. in sickness and in health is one thing.. in modern medicine where ANYTHING can be kept alive is possibly another.. I know that if my wife had known how things would turn out.. she would have chosen to not have any of her surgeries.. and just died.. she wouldn't have had to suffer NEAR as much as she has to be here the way she is now..

[talaniman]

Not trying to minimize your pain and sorry if I seem self righteous. My wife came to the hospital every day for 8 months and even After I came home she was right there for another 6 months as I recovered, and she didn't know what was going to happen from day to day but she never gave up. Whatever life brings us we face it together whether its good or bad and maybe I haven't walked a mile in your shoes I in no way mean to insult your pain with my belief that I have to be there for my wife no matter what it means. I don't think asking someone to sit in your place while you take a break is out of bounds nor is a nursing home out of the question. I think there are reasonable ways to honor the commitment and find a life and would encourage you to do so. I feel your pain and hope you can find an honorable way to deal with your situation.

[talaniman]

No We Have Been Married For 12 Years He Had A Massive Stroke 1 Year Ago And Is In A Nursing Home. He Is 49 And I Am 48. I Am So Lonely For Companionship. He Is Paralyzed And Mentally Unstable.

Don't feel guilty about getting out and having friends, and things you enjoy doing.